Fictional Trek 14 "review from the future"

Discussion in 'Star Trek Movies: Kelvin Universe' started by Garth Lorca, Dec 31, 2017.

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Would you like to see "Star Trek Uncaged"?

  1. Yes, sounds like fun.

    3 vote(s)
    33.3%
  2. No way, this would destroy Star Trek for good.

    6 vote(s)
    66.7%
  1. Garth Lorca

    Garth Lorca Ensign Newbie

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2017
    In an effort to imagine what Tarantino's take on Trek 14 may look and feel like, I've created an entirely ficticious "review" that might pop up in 2020 when the movie hits theatres. The movie is entitled "Star Trek Uncaged", a nod to both the original pilot "The Cage" as well as Tarantino's "Django Unchained".

    Have fun reading it, but BEWARE. It is quite intense in parts. Here we go...

    „Bloody, brutal, brilliant… If you thought Quentin Tarantino would tame down his inherent bloodlust for this formerly family-friendly franchise, think again. This isn’t just the most violent Star Trek movie ever, it is the bloodiest Tarantino movie by a longshot, as far as body count, scope and ultra-graphic depiction of violence and gore are concerned.

    “Star Trek Uncaged” is basically an insanely mad retreat of Next Generation’s “Yesterdays’s Enterprise”. We see Kirk’s Kelvin Timeline Enterprise-A being thrown into the future before they can save the Khitomer peace talks originally portrayed in “The Undiscovered Country”. The peace conference is turned into a gratuitously bloody nightmare of epic proportion that gives the term “Khitomer massacre” a whole new meaning. Without Kirk to save the day, we see Klingons and Federation delegations slaughtering each other Tarantino-style that makes Game of Thrones Red Wedding basically look like child’s play, causing a Hundred Year War between the two factions…

    Enter the 24th century. A Hundred Year War between the Klingons and the Federation has left the quadrant defenseless against the inevitable arrival of the Borg. The Borg are everywhere, like a zombie infestation that has run everything into the ground and Tarantino has the time of his life exploiting those different outcomes of what we now call the “Tarantino Trexploitation Timeline”.

    The crew of the Enterprise-E still is out there, but they are hardly recognizable. Tom Hardy’s Jean-Luc Picard is a cynical worn-out blood hound, who has lost an eye and doesn’t shy away from ordering the execution of four crewmembers to prevent a mutiny from happening.

    Riker is a fierce woman, Lillian T. Riker (Evangeline Lilly), who serves as Picard’s bad-ass right hand and spends most of the movie in her dirty blood-stained uniform tank top, slaughtering Klingons and Borg drones alike with a state of the art phaser rifle named “the Gonzo” that vaporizes the victim from the inside out taking more than five seconds, a process that is often shown with full-on agony in very graphic detail. It is this weapon she also executes four rebelling Starfleet officer on Picard’s order to restore discipline aboard the ship. What may seem shocking for Star Trek wouldn’t be any different in actual combat situations at any time in history.

    There is Ilia Troy (Moreena Baccarin), a psychic, telepathic bald-headed Betazoid-Deltan hybrid (also referred to as the “Deltazoid”), who indulges in playing dirty sexual mind games to finally re-engage with her former lesbian lover Lillian T. Riker in two very graphic scenes. First she telepathically invokes images of herself as a naked green-skinned Orion slave dancer. The “Ilia’s Dance” sequence is a recreation of “The Cage” and even makes use of the iconic tune, but features full-frontal nudity only covered by green skin paint. In a second, even naughtier scene, Ilia is reviving memories of their first encounter on Risa, a very graphic visual treat some might even consider softcore porn.

    Geordie (Keith Stanfield) is there as well, well, sort of. In this reality he isn’t just a blind man, his entire body has been ripped apart by the war and what’s left of him has been linked and grossly melted into the Enterprise’s computer systems. He basically is the ship’s heart and voice, operating all systems himself with the help of countless androids, drones and holograms.

    His closest asset is Tom Hiddleston’s Data, who actually is as rambling mad as Lore, always on the verge of turning on the crew to protect his own existence, paying homage to Alien’s line of borderline immoral android creations and eventually going down the same yellow-blooded route of self-destruction.

    Enter the Borg-Crusher: Undeniably the absolute highlight of the movie is Finn Wolfhard’s insanely entertaining take on Wesley Crusher. Tarantino and Wolfhard took one of the most loathed and reviled characters of Star Trek lore and turned him into one of the most hilarious, memorable, entertaining and fun teenage characters ever, probably on par with Hit-Girl herself. Fully-orphaned Wesley is nothing short of a mad genius, who has invented the “Borg-Crusher”, a weapon that employs some energetic acid goo to disable the Borg’s machine parts while at the same time melting their flesh in the most gruesome way imaginable. And yes, Wesley uses this ultra-violent device to single-handedly snuff out over a hundred of Borg drones in an outrageously overdone comical way combined with a crazed sense of meta-humor that outdoes Deadpool himself by a long shot.

    Just like “Deadpool”, the “Borg-Crusher” Wesley is able to gaze beyond the boundaries of time and space, he is fully aware of this not being “our father’s Star Trek” and comments on those crazy over-the-top scenarios with some sort of fun meta-level sensibility that may offer some comfort to those Trekkies who think this isn’t what Star Trek is supposed to look like. Well, at least Wolfhard’s Wesley is fully aware of that, but at the same time, he has the time of his life delivering all the blood-soaked melt-movie action with such nasty, raving enjoyment you cannot help but cringe and cry tears of fun. This Wesley “Borg-Crusher” is a teenage boy’s dream come true from start to finish!

    No sign of Worf (Daniel Kayuula) at first, but it turns out that he is one of the main baddies of the story, a ruthless, paranoid Klingon Captain who is hell-bend on getting hold of “the package”, which is supposedly the Federation’s latest weapon that could be used to destroy the Klingons. In his effort to find this package, he is basically overshadowing every Klingon baddie ever known, slicing and slaughtering his way through his enemies while taking on the ill-fated deep-space Gecko Station in the most bloody fashion imaginable… Remember Khan taking on Regula One? Well, this time around, you witness everything Worf and his minions do to the Gecko scientists to get hold of “The Package” in ultra-violent detail. Well, Klingons are supposed to be bloodthirsty warriors, aren’t they?

    “The package” turns out to be no one else but Scarlet Johannson’s Seven of Nine, who has been freed from the Borg collective like in the Prime Timeline, but this time round kept in her full Borg state and turned into an Anti-Borg superweapon by no one else but Benjamin “Avengeamin” Sisko (played by Samuel L. Jackson) in his ongoing effort to avenge the death of his wife Jennifer. He is a mad scientist, who was given a top secret space station named Gecko Station in which he cloned and duplicated Seven hundreds of times in order to crack the Borg code, leaving behind hundreds of deformed failed genetic experiments still floating naked in bio tanks or piled up in cold storage, highly reminiscent of what has been done to Eve in Resident Evil or Ripley in Alien Resurrection. Against that highly graphic backdrop, we are presented with the Battle of Gecko Station, in which Captain Worf and company brutally murder dozens of scientist before the Enterprise arrives to save the original Seven of Nine, who is still a full Borg drone at this point.

    The movie spends the next few minutes, dismantling her Borg parts with full-on graphic detail while displaying Johannson in full frontal nudity, not unlike in her other movie Under The Skin, and the former Borg drone cultivating her humanity in a insanely over the top way, inviting several crewmembers to shag her one by one. It is noteworthy that there is no actual sex going on, no penetration is displayed at all, not even a fake one. The whole set-up is entirely comical and doesn’t go beyond some moderate sexualized nudity but it may offend the more conservative portion of fans.

    Shortly after Seven’s cringe-worthy defloration orgy, the Enterprise E encounters the Enterprise A, and this is when the movie goes fully berserk. At first the two Enterprise crews are joining efforts in taking out a Borg cube but it comes at a very high price. Due to various hull breaches on both ships, dozens of personnel is sucked out into the vacuum of space, imploding and being shattered like porcelain dolls with their eyes popping out and imploding like balloons, all of it shown with gratuitous detail. Others are burned or vaporized by exploding consoles and leaking cables or smashed to chunks of gooey flesh by crumbling hallways. An attempt to transport crewmembers out of a devastated section of the Enterprise A via the transporter fails in the bloodiest way imaginable, with several crewmembers, including poor Chekov himself, being turned inside out, vomiting blood and being reduced to steaming piles of human goo. Hundreds of Borg drones invade both ships, with Wesley and Lilian T. Riker now going fully berserk with their superguns, taking out hundreds of Borg drones but also causing so unfortunate collateral damage to some unlucky crewmembers along the way.

    The over-the-top bio horror in this part of the movie is beyond anything ever seen in mainstream science fiction before, the hardest R-Rated material ever compiled, making Event Horizon seem like a tamed-down Disney movie.

    While all of this is happening, Kirk and Picard come to agree to send the Enterprise A back in time to prevent this timeline from happening. Picard wants Wesley, the Borg-Crusher and Seven of Nine also aboard yesterday’s Enterprise so that Starfleet can prepare for the arrival of the Borg.

    In an unexpected Tarantino twist, it is Data who rebels against this decision to eradicate the timeline following his program to protect himself, and after killing dozens of crewmembers including Ilia Troy, he finally meets a grizzly end at the hands of her lover Lilian Riker, with gallons of yellowish android blood spouting all over the place.

    The Enterprise-E goes to crap protecting the Enterprise-A while going back in time and is finally blown to bits and pieces in mad SFX glory. Back in the 23rd century, Kirk saves the day at Khitomer and Wesley Borg-Crusher replaces late Chekov at the helm of the Enterprise-A…

    In the 24th century, all things have evolved a different way. Picard and crew are on their mission to explore space… and so does Kirk in the 23rd century… No traces of the Tarantino Timeline but Wesley Crusher and Seven being now aboard the Enterprise A to provide fun and entertainment to the fans…

    Make no mistake, this movie is by far the most controversial entry into Star Trek lore. There will be fans loathing it with all their heart for its gratuitous violence, gore and nudity and morally questionable decisions of the alternate Next Generation crew. Tarantino’s take on the 24th century is the complete opposite of what it is supposed to be but that is what it set out to do within this particular story.

    Tarantino has been provided with an unlimited playground and all-new toys to go fully berserk in this unique take on Star Trek, and he is more than willing to make use of that leeway he’s been given, pulling out all the stops and more. His Trek pays homage to many contemporary genre pieces such as Deadpool or Kick-Ass, while at the same time giving the fandom something controversial to discuss for the next 54 years. At least, this movie won’t be mistaken for traditional Star Trek and parents should be cautious not to watch this ultra-violent romp with any kids below the age of 13. It ain’t your father’s Star Trek has never had are more definitive ring to it.”

    Okay, what do you think? Would you like to see that movie or something like that? Or would you rather have QT tone down his bloodlust for Trek? Personally, I don't think he is able to do that, but we will see...
     
    Khan 2.0 likes this.
  2. Khan 2.0

    Khan 2.0 Commodore Commodore

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    earth...but when?...spock?
    :rommie: this is pretty good shake up and would be an hard R/18
     
  3. ChristopherPike

    ChristopherPike Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

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    It was great to see the mistakes made by Discovery corrected, and Klingons back to being hairy again. That said, being R-rated what we were largely shown was, unfortunately, pubic. Some Klingonscaping and fewer Bat'leth-related dinky appendages being lopped off, so those under 17 can sit through this eye-watering spectacle please.
     
    Last edited: Dec 31, 2017
  4. Danlav05

    Danlav05 Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

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    I confess this is not my ideal Star Trek movie, sorry. :P I'm not a huge fan of gore, it's just hit home what QT may bring
     
    Last edited: Jan 1, 2018
  5. Garth Lorca

    Garth Lorca Ensign Newbie

    Joined:
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    Make no mistake, Danlav05. I'm NOT a fan of my own ideas either. I've just put those ideas together to speculate what a QT Trek movie might look like at worst. I'm pretty sure it won't be THAT intense but then, I've got an inkling that some of these ideas / imagery might pop up in the finished version after all.
    It's supposed to be a bit of idle speculation and a warning shot across the bow. I'm not saying this IS going to happen, but if it is, don't say you haven't been warned :-)
     
    Danlav05 likes this.
  6. Garth Lorca

    Garth Lorca Ensign Newbie

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    That said, the only thing I'm really proud of is my casting choices. Yeah, I'd like to see Tom Hardy going full circle portraying an actual version of Picard. And Finn Wolfhard as Wesley... this oughta be instant gold, no matter what the script says. Moreena Baccarin as a "Deltazoid" mixture of Troy and Ilia... that is... gosh... And yeah, Evangeline Lilly's Lillian T. Riker has always been on my mind since I saw the first season of Lost... Sorry, I couldn't hold it... And Hiddleston's Data has already been mentioned on YouTube! For Geordie and Worf, we need some Get Out infusion...
    No matter how much blood and gore is involved, this CAST would really make my day...
     
  7. jaime

    jaime Commodore Commodore

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    It’s funny, that’s for sure.
    A lot of borrows from other films...I don’t see Tarantino going as full Kronenberg as this, even with his liking for East Asian cinema though. It reads like some of my teenage selfs more...exuberant friends...had a bizarre fanfic dream. I personally suspect Tarantino wouldn’t be too far removed from a more traditional Trek. In fact it wouldn’t surprise me if he used an R rating to give us something closer to what Roddenberry wanted with TMP. I can actually imagine him having no bad language, and talking about the Voyage Home when asked why. He likes to hew close to whatever genre from the past he is homaging...so he would go eighties Trek Movie, but with sexier aliens and slightly more graphic injuries I reckon. It’s also still paramount, not his old Miramax stomping grounds (which he would probably want some distance from atm) so I can see him hewing to that House style more than anything. Depending where he lands, that’s gonna be what we will see...if he sticks with the reboot TOS crew, we will see Dutch angles, TOS lighting tricks...a slightly more colourful TMP. He’s a cinema fan first and foremost, he would want this to be his 2001 or his tribute to the eighties SF boom. I would actually expect less action sequences, particularly ship based ones, than the previous KT ones.

    Going back to your version, it’s easily something IDW would consider...the mirror TNG stuff is doing well atm, and is starting to spread...look at Timelines Mirror Crew.
     
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  8. Khan 2.0

    Khan 2.0 Commodore Commodore

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    earth...but when?...spock?
    yes that's an interesting way to look at it. his Trek probably would be his tribute to that period of film (late 70s 80s SF/Trek movies) much like his other movies are tributes to particular genres/eras. Or maybe hes going to do what Beyond attempted (and was successful or not depending on your pov) of a true big budget version of TOS with that retro 60s look and feel of the TV show brought to the big screen (complete with 'Dutch angles, TOS lighting tricks')..but maybe closer to the early episodes in tone (eerie haunted Twilight Zone style cosmic horror -but dialled up to R rating like Alien/Total Recall) than the non stop action of the JJ movies (the first 2 which were more like a bigger budget faster versions of the trek movies with added lensflare and Bay style action and Beyond was more like TOS but still very JJ/Trek Movie)..

    Also interesting about Miramax and him wanting to distance himself from all that.. doing Trek is definatly one way of doing that
     
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  9. Danlav05

    Danlav05 Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

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    I'm struggling to picture how that would work in my head but the closest we've had to that was the New Voyages/Phase II fan series, that was Year 4 of the five year mission but it was made very much like a modern series, comparted to Continues which replicated TOS more accurately.

    It could be like a biopic - set in the past so you have to make it look authentic by replicating certain designs but clearly use modern filmmaking techniques. Star Wars is a prome example I guess? The Force Awakens really captured the feel of the Original Trilogy but it felt like a contemporary film all the same.

    If Quentin wanted to work closer to TOS then he probably could. Because he's Tarantino. I know he's doing Helter Skelter thisSummer but hopefully we will hear tidbits of development.
     
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  10. dswynne1

    dswynne1 Commander Red Shirt

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    While I don't think QT will go "full QT" for a TOS "remake", I can see him having more gritty elements included in a ST film. I do like the "twists" of the story treatment, but I would not include the Chekov character (I'd have his "fate" be unknown with a throwaway line). Other than toning down the blood/gore and sex, I would watch this film.
     
  11. Dales

    Dales Captain Captain

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    Jan 17, 2015
    make it so:beer: