Evil Stepmothers

[RoJoHen]

Where do they come from?

Maybe it's just me, but I have a hard time wrapping my head around the idea of divorce existing the fairy tale world, which probably means that the biological mothers die for some reason and then the father re-marry. But you never hear any of this backstory, and honestly, I kind of want to know how it all happened.

What happened to Cinderella's parents that she got stuck living with her evil Stepmother and Stepsisters?

How did Snow White's Evil Stepmother (who also happened to be an Evil Witch!) enter the picture?

How did Susan Sarandon come to be Amy Adam's Evil Stepmother in "Enchanted"?!

Seriously, what happens to all the Fairy Tale birth mothers?! If I were a woman in a fairy tale, I would be on so much birth control because, clearly, bad things happen to you when you have babies.

 

[Zulu Romeo]

There are no pregnancies in the magical kingdom: babies come delivered by storks of course. That's how fairytale obstetrics works in that place: it's all stork migration habits, anatomy, wingspan, cruising speeds and laden weights, monitoring of stork courier timetables and traffic updates, etc.

Achievement of birth control involves a highly accurate bow and arrow, and is usually celebrated with a feast of spit-roasted stork.

As for Cinderella and Snow White's stories... I guess they got delivered to the wrong addresses.

 

[Gepard]

^So all mothers are step-mothers?

Suddenly it all makes sense!

 

[RoJoHen]

According to wikipedia, Snow White's real mother died shortly after giving birth. Hmm. The stork theory does not add up.

 

[Zulu Romeo]

According to wikipedia, Snow White's real mother died shortly after giving birth. Hmm. The stork theory does not add up.

That's what they told her. It's not the truth. There's a massive magical kingdom cover-up going on to hide the truth.
What really happened was that after her delivery by stork courier, and during the stork feast, she choked to death on a succulent piece of bill.

You might say she found the final bill hard to swallow.


Storks.

 

[RoJoHen]

Still doesn't explain where stepmothers come from and why they're all evil.

 

[Zulu Romeo]

Still doesn't explain where stepmothers come from and why they're all evil.

Damaged goods during transit. The nightmare of any courier boy. I mean, think of all the paperwork the stork courier will have to go through when he or she gets back to head office...

 

[Australis]

You people are weird. Storks.

Lot of illness in the days the folk tales originated. Lot of death in childbirth as well. health issues, food shortages, even plague. Take your pick.

As for that image, I know a grown man in his 40s who still cannot get his head around the way his stepmother treated him after his real mother died when he was in his early teens. He left home early, and she apparently fled to points unknown with a large chunk of her husband's bank account, after, iirc, eight years. So there is some truth to the image, though it isn't fair overall

 

[Zulu Romeo]

You people are weird. Storks.

Hey now, no need to tar everyone with the Weird™ brush there. Just a select few. [points to self]

Lot of illness in the days the folk tales originated. Lot of death in childbirth as well. health issues, food shortages, even plague. Take your pick.

Nothing that a goose that lays golden eggs can't fix.

 

[Australis]

O dear, ZR is off with the fairies.

Quite lit3erally it seems.

 

[Zulu Romeo]

^^ When in fairytale land, do as the fairy godmothers do...

 

[T'Baio]

I saw the thread title and for some reason thought "mother-in-law" first. But then realized Stepmother. Probably because my mother-in-law is a right fuckin' cunt. Umm...I mean, evil.

 

[Emher]

Oh the bloody stork theory. I if I ever have kids no way they're ever going to be tought that.

 

[iguana_tonante]

Actually, I've always heard the stork tale in a joking manner, and I've never met anyone whose parents actually told him. There is really someone out there?

 

[Zulu Romeo]

Oh the bloody stork theory. I if I ever have kids no way they're ever going to be tought that.

Well there's always the theory that they came from Mummy's magical cavern following a flick of Daddy's shiny wand.

 

[RevdKathy]

Stork? Stork So where did the gooseberry bush come in? Huh?

 

[Evil_Kirkneivel]

Where do they come from?

Maybe it's just me, but I have a hard time wrapping my head around the idea of divorce existing the fairy tale world...

Sadly, over 50 percent of fairytale marriages end with a fairytale divorce.

 

[RevdKathy]

Yep - you kiss a handsome prince, and wham! he turns into a hidous toad.

 

[RoJoHen]

Yep - you kiss a handsome prince, and wham! he turns into a hidous toad.

Isn't it supposed to be the other way around?

 

[RJDiogenes]

According to wikipedia, Snow White's real mother died shortly after giving birth. Hmm. The stork theory does not add up.

Maybe she got pecked to death.

Actually, I've always heard the stork tale in a joking manner, and I've never met anyone whose parents actually told him. There is really someone out there?

In Kansas and Texas, Storkism is taught as an alternative theory to Reproductive Biology.

This would actually be a good story seed for a Fairy Tale pastiche (perhaps a la Shrek). Who is behind the nefarious plot to kill all the kingdom's natural Mothers and replace them with Evil Stepmothers?