Title : There Will be Pie
Author : ‘Goji’ Rob Morris
Series : ENT
Type : Halloween story, Dark Humor
Part : 1/1
Characters : Tucker, T’Pol, Archer
Rating : PG13, for implied horror
Summary : Why is T’Pol acting so dictatorial—and what might an angry crew do in revenge? All is not as it seems in a fairly grim tale.
There Will Be Pie
By Rob Morris
Once upon a time, there was a starship named Enterprise, the first to be named this. One day, its Captain
received news he didn’t like at all.
“A Vulcan officer named T’Pol will be joining us. We’ll have to make some adjustments.”
T’Pol came aboard, and made certain demands right away.
“I will not abide the eating of meat. Not by myself, nor any who serve with me.”
The crew grumbled, but Starfleet abided by the treaty and issued the order she demanded.
“This crew is inefficient and must improve. Leisure time is to be cut in half.”
Again, the crew grumbled, but Captain Archer gave in, having no choice. At last, something came up that drove all the crew to distraction.
“These pies, while having no meat, were made with butter taken from living creatures held in captivity. I will not abide them.”
Trip Tucker watched as his sanity-saving Pecan Pie was tossed away.
“Sub-Commander, you do not want to do that.”
“That remark will see you on report, Mister Tucker. In fact, all of you may consider yourselves…”
Though small, Hoshi Sato struck her across the back of her head, and then Travis Mayweather caught T’Pol as she fell. T’Pol in a haze heard metal being sharpened. She also heard the words of Charles Tucker.
“Old Civil War recipe, Darlin, for those hard times when towns went under siege, adapted for the modern day.
Two bans lifted in one stroke.”
She saw the knives descend.
“Vulcan Pie…good for the soul.”
---------------
“Trip?”
Tucker saved his story document, turned off his monitor, and looked at Archer.
“Yeah, Jonathan?”
“I told T’Pol she was unnecessarily harsh back on that one planet last week. Can I ask you to apologize for the more…colorful.. turns of phrase you used?”
Tucker shrugged.
“For the words themselves, sure. Not for the dispute. She was in the wrong.”
Archer sighed.
“I just want two of my top officers to get along.”
“We get along okay. When we have a dust-up, she has her meditation…”
Tucker smiled and shrugged as he worked out an ending involving serving a piece of his special pie to Soval.
“…and I have my own ways of handling it.”
To his credit, Tucker always deleted these stories after about a day, and showed them to no one. The day even came when he began a relationship with T’Pol, and mind-melded with her on occasion.
And when she glimpsed the memory of these stories, the real horror began.
Author : ‘Goji’ Rob Morris
Series : ENT
Type : Halloween story, Dark Humor
Part : 1/1
Characters : Tucker, T’Pol, Archer
Rating : PG13, for implied horror
Summary : Why is T’Pol acting so dictatorial—and what might an angry crew do in revenge? All is not as it seems in a fairly grim tale.
There Will Be Pie
By Rob Morris
Once upon a time, there was a starship named Enterprise, the first to be named this. One day, its Captain
received news he didn’t like at all.
“A Vulcan officer named T’Pol will be joining us. We’ll have to make some adjustments.”
T’Pol came aboard, and made certain demands right away.
“I will not abide the eating of meat. Not by myself, nor any who serve with me.”
The crew grumbled, but Starfleet abided by the treaty and issued the order she demanded.
“This crew is inefficient and must improve. Leisure time is to be cut in half.”
Again, the crew grumbled, but Captain Archer gave in, having no choice. At last, something came up that drove all the crew to distraction.
“These pies, while having no meat, were made with butter taken from living creatures held in captivity. I will not abide them.”
Trip Tucker watched as his sanity-saving Pecan Pie was tossed away.
“Sub-Commander, you do not want to do that.”
“That remark will see you on report, Mister Tucker. In fact, all of you may consider yourselves…”
Though small, Hoshi Sato struck her across the back of her head, and then Travis Mayweather caught T’Pol as she fell. T’Pol in a haze heard metal being sharpened. She also heard the words of Charles Tucker.
“Old Civil War recipe, Darlin, for those hard times when towns went under siege, adapted for the modern day.
Two bans lifted in one stroke.”
She saw the knives descend.
“Vulcan Pie…good for the soul.”
---------------
“Trip?”
Tucker saved his story document, turned off his monitor, and looked at Archer.
“Yeah, Jonathan?”
“I told T’Pol she was unnecessarily harsh back on that one planet last week. Can I ask you to apologize for the more…colorful.. turns of phrase you used?”
Tucker shrugged.
“For the words themselves, sure. Not for the dispute. She was in the wrong.”
Archer sighed.
“I just want two of my top officers to get along.”
“We get along okay. When we have a dust-up, she has her meditation…”
Tucker smiled and shrugged as he worked out an ending involving serving a piece of his special pie to Soval.
“…and I have my own ways of handling it.”
To his credit, Tucker always deleted these stories after about a day, and showed them to no one. The day even came when he began a relationship with T’Pol, and mind-melded with her on occasion.
And when she glimpsed the memory of these stories, the real horror began.
This was even funnier than the VOY one.
