Contest: ENTER DS9 CapCon 142: Two by Two, Hands of Blue

Hey, that rhymes!

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Nerys Myk's "Patients Got No Patience"

BASHIR: I guess I should stop keeping my patients waiting.

Triskelion's "Old Man"

They say you're only crazy when you start replying to the voices in your head.
Shut up, Curzon!

Bad Thought's "Constable Creepy"

It was an uncomfortable moment for Odo. If he reverted to his normal form, everyone would know that he likes to cross-dress as Kira. Of course, if he reverted, he might be shot anyway.

Laughing Vulcan's "Shat Attack"

Odo os: "Oi, you! Wearing a William Shatner mask on the promenade is against station regulations!"

Jirinpanthosa's "Who is Lt. Broccoli?"

O'BRIEN: This may not be the right time to say this, but murdered by a drugged up Garak you bear a striking resemblance to Lt Barcalay.


And finally, some congratulations to the Laughing Vulcan for:

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Nog: "Oops. You were right, Chief. It wasn't set to stun. My bad."

And now, this week's caption fodder!

 

Sisko: I DON'T WANT TO GO ON THE CART!
Goldshirt: She'll be stone dead in a moment.



O'Brien: Well, doc?
Bashir: Shot through the heart.
O'Brien: And you're to blame! You give looove a bad name!
Bashir: *blink*
O'Brien: ...you weren't referencing Bon Jovi, I take it.

 

Relax, I'm a licensed chiropractor


BASHIR: This ranch dip is awesome.


Bolian: Our anniversary was last week!

Famous Last Words
Beardfacé: Isn't there some some sort of strategy or tactic we should use when entering a room?

 

"It's time to put on the new Voyager uniforms."

Sisko: "No! They're so ugly!"




Next time it's better just to pay your barber with strips of gold-pressed latinum then have him pay you a little visit.




O'Brien: "Oh, man -- he must have been dead a while, look how blue his skin is."

Bashier: "Idiot."

 

BOLIAN: We have to go, she's done for.
BEN: What do you mean? She's right there!
BOLIAN: No, no, she's done for.
BEN: She's just pinned under a beam! We have advanced medical science, transporters!
BOLIAN: Done for.



BOLIAN: I'll be leading the task force to find out who's been gumming up all our plumbing.



VULCAN (Thinking): Uh oh, I just farted. The logical course of action is for me to blame the Bolian.



O'BRIEN: What happened?
BASHIR: It appears we have a severe redshirting outbreak, and it's starting to spread to gold shirts too.

 

Bolian: Sir, the series is over. We have to leave the bar.

Sisko: NOOOOOOO! The CUBS? In the name of God, WHY?!?




Bolian: So you see, my esteemed Vulcan colleague is clearly wearing the inferior uniform.

Vulcan: Ambassador, since you are garbed in what can only be described as the nasal output of a diseased sehlat, I find your attitude most illogical.




Bashir: He's dead, Miles. So his collection of Klingon porn is ours for the taking!




In the 24th century, Amway distributors are hardcore.

 

Bolian: We're ready for Black Friday. That 60" UHD TV will be mine.

 

Thanks for the win, Smellin Coffee!



Not content with interfering in the Sisko's conception and birth, the Prophets showed up at Wolf 359.

Sisko: I felt a pulse!
Bolian: The Sisko is of Bajor!

 

T4TW Smellincoffee!

Sisko: But I don't wanna be in Blue Man Group!
Blue Man: NOBODY WANTS TO BE IN BLUE MAN GROUP!

 

Sisko: Let go of me or I'll make sure your character is never seen or referenced again!



Maquis: We will stand strong and defeat the Cardassians! That is unless they make an alliance with an extremely powerful Gamma Quadrant Empire and wipe us out, but that'll never happen.



Stop saying I sound just like Admiral Hayes!



Bashir: Eureka!

O'Brien: What?

Bashir: He's dead.

 

Bolian: NO I won't give you my shoes if you tell me a poem. I mean, WTF.


O'Brien: I guess you could say someone - "blue" him away.
<crickets>
O'Brien: Anybody? No? Oh come on, that one was pure latinum! I mean - "BLUE" him away?! It's bloody hilarious! Is their a medium of oxygen in this room to transmit sound or have we sprung a leak or something?

 

Bashir: That's because you forgot your sunglasses, genius.
Caine: (os) Perhaps you should change your last name to *flips shades down* No'Brain.
Bashir: See? It's all in the shades...

 

Sisko: It's Faaake!!!



Bolian: You should make the Red Alert Chili. It's a legend on Bolarus. Unfortunately the famous Chef Chell went off and joined the Maquis before vanishing.

 

Dukat (offscreen): A Bolian, a Vulcan, and a changeling disguised as a drink walk into a bar...

 

Jack Shearer: The coat? It was apparently made for some two-bit player name Ethan Philips, but even he could not stomach it.

 

When the Bolian began yet another loud "Vulcan" joke, the ambassador briefly considered homicide.

 

Bolian: "All I'm saying is that if he would just let me cut his hair ..."
Vulcan: "Mother's been cutting my hair since I was a child and she ..."
Bolian: "And she probably uses a bowl.
Vulcan: "The bowl method is logical."
Bolian: "I could do better."
Vulcan: "You don't even have my haircut records."

 

Bolian: All I'm saying is that the Beastie Boys are a legitimate drone countermeasure.
Vulcan: There are no words for how moronic that sounds.
Bolian: You mean 'awesome'.

 

Thanks for the wins!



If you thought Vulcans had no sense of humour, the soon to be Ensign would subsequently go on to find and kill the Vulcan who advised him that human grief could be alleviated by caressing the nipples.



Bolian: "Nobody move! We have a poor quality Chuck Norris lookalike and we are prepared to use him!"



Bolian: "Curious, people keep assuming that we are a couple. Why would that be?"
Vulcan: "Perhaps we shouldn't have purchased these outfits from the Cardassian tailor."



Bashir: "This makes no sense. This man shouldn't be dead."
O'Brien: "Look at him, he has a hole the size of my fist in his chest."
Bashir: "Any first year medical student knows that a Bolian's vital organs are all in his ass."

...
...

O'Brien: "Maybe when he was shot, he fell on his ass."
Bashir: "Works for me. I'll use that in my report."
O'Brien: "Holosuite?"
Bashir: "Let's go."

 

Carlton: I want to go back to being a disco band again.
Cerulean: Shut up Carlton, gosh!