Do you like surprises for Xmas?

[Miss Chicken]

People keep asking me what I want for Christmas. I like to get surprises for Christmas as I love opening presents most when I don't know what is inside.

But people don't like me telling them to just get me a surprise so I have had to tell people this year that they can buy me something from a list

1) A garden ornament (nothing too cutesy however - and definitely no gnomes or pink flamingoes).

2) A rubber duckie to add to the collection in my bathroom

3) A rocking horse ornament (to join the others on my dining room windowsill)

4) A spider ornament to join the spiders I have on my curio shelf

5) A black cat ornament

6) A gift voucher to the cinema, or a gift voucher from a book shop or DVD store.

7) A box of chocolates

Even though I have stated that I want the present to be a surprise a couple of people have bought me something from the list and then informed me exactly what they have bought me!!!

So I thought I would ask people here

Do you like people to give you gifts that are surprises?

PS I really hate getting money from people as a gift. My mother always give me money but I would much prefer it is she went out and bought me something I could cherish.

 

[Hermiod]

All of the gifts I receive are surprises since my mum and my sister have no idea what to buy me every year. I buy all the DVDs, video games etc I'd possibly want myself.

 

[Ethros]

Usually if I want something I'll buy it, so any surprise gift I may get will most often be something I don't want/need

 

[Jadzia]

Surprise gifts always. Yes I prefer them much more.

Not only is it more enjoyable to unwrap, you often you get something that you'd never think of asking for or buying, so it can be good if you do really like the present in the end.

It also feels much more intimate to get a surprise gift. If I've chosen it, then the giver has simply followed an instruction, by going out to buy it and wrap it up, and hand it to me. There's no thought in it. It's a gift made out of duty.

But when I get a surprise gift, I know that it has been a considered purchase, that the giver has spent time pondering "What shall I buy Jadzia?". And what they decide upon is something from their mind; from the thoughts and feelings they've got going on in their own mind. The surprise gift represents that. It symbolizes their kindness and thoughtfulness in thinking of me and choosing.

And acknowledging all this in my own thoughts as I do when I peel off the wrapping paper is such a lovely feeling. So much so that what the present is inside, is the least important part of the gift

 

[Miss Chicken]

^^^ I couldn't agree more.

Last year I presented my mother with a calendar made from photos I took of flowers in her garden. I labelled the calendar "Betty's Garden" and I put small photos of us as children on our birthdates.

This year i am giving her a personalised notebook. It has a photo of my father on the cover and a message from me on the inside.

 

[May 20]

I like surprises from people who have a general idea of my tastes. Again, it's the fact that they took the time to think of what I might actually like that is the real present.

 

[Jadzia]

Last year I presented my mother with a calendar made from photos I took of flowers in her garden. [...] This year i am giving her a personalised notebook.

Yes, and handmade gifts are always more meaningful than something pulled off a shelf. I'm sure your mum will love it

 

[Holdfast]

Most people are horrible shoppers. From them, I prefer cash or something from a list (or at least, something with a receipt). I mean, "the thought" is all well and good, but it doesn't mean much if you don't like what you get, especially since you could BOTH have been happier by letting each other know what you wanted.

Having said that, there are a few people I know who have good taste and with whom we don't tell each other what we're getting each other. They're both fun to buy for and fun to receive a surprise from. So I picked option 2 in the poll.

 

[QCzar]

No surprises for me. Maybe I've just been extremely unlucky, but all of the "surprise" gifts I've gotten are things that now see little use. I usually get the "things I think he'll need" as opposed to the "things I know he'll want". I know I sound kinda grouchy about it, but those were truthfully my experiences with surprise gifts and it's put me off to the concept.

 

[Jadzia]

"the thought" is all well and good, but it doesn't mean much if you don't like what you get,

You and your materialism If it doesn't have an exclusive designer label, eh, holdfast?

You're being too rational with regards to "the thought". So... Gifts are not compulsory. Nobody has to buy you them. Whether you like the gift or not, what if nobody buys you anything this year? Compare feelings of:

(a) receiving nothing from anyone, because nobody bothers to think of you, and
(b) receiving lots of things you don't like

, and put both into perspective.

 

[Holdfast]

Receiving lots of things I don't like is about equal with receiving nothing, if I don't use any of the gifts. Gifts aren't a means of validating my self-esteem, they're just gifts.

 

[Jadzia]

Receiving lots of things I don't like is about equal with receiving nothing, if I don't use any of the gifts. Gifts aren't a means of validating my self-esteem, they're just gifts.

Being equal, then the thought a person makes really does mean nothing to you.

Consequently, for you, the gift is all about the object given, not the person giving it... so they might as well be strangers handing stuff to you and it would make no difference. Does that mean then that you are feeling no emotional connection in receipt of a gift.

And how does that translate to immaterial gifts? Can you ever feel appreciation for an immaterial gift? And I don't mean bedroom gifts.

 

[auntiehill]

I love surprises, but I also have a lot of people who want to get me something specific that they know I'll want. I always have a wishlist up at Amazon, so people can buy me any of those items, but I also love getting clothes and things for the house. So, those are always a pleasant surprise.

My best friend gets me things from my favorite clothing store every year, but I never know exactly what it will be. In fact, there's a box from Coldwater Creek under my tree right now, and I can't wait to see what's inside.

Actually, the best part for me is GIVING gifts. I LOVE giving presents to people.

 

[Miss Chicken]

I also love giving gifts more than I like receiving them. I hate it when people say "let's not buy gifts for each other this year".

One of my sons has moved in with a platonic friend. She has two small children and sometimes they visit me. I am so pleased that I have children to buy for this year. When I told my mother what I bought these children for Chrsitmas she said "why should you buy for them". I answered because I love buying presents for children.

 

[Holdfast]

Receiving lots of things I don't like is about equal with receiving nothing, if I don't use any of the gifts. Gifts aren't a means of validating my self-esteem, they're just gifts.

Being equal, then the thought a person makes really does mean nothing to you.

Consequently, for you, the gift is all about the object given, not the person giving it... so they might as well be strangers handing stuff to you and it would make no difference. Does that mean then that you are feeling no emotional connection in receipt of a gift.

If it's a crappy gift, a negative emotional connection to the gift.
If it's a nice gift, a positive emotional connection to the gift.
If it's a dull, unremarkable gift, no emotional connection to the gift.

None of this impacts my emotional connection to the person giving the gift beyond a transient (minutes at most) reaction at the time of opening the gift.

I compartmentalise the two separately. I'm very good (some would say too good ) at compartmentalising emotions.

Nice people I like can give crappy gifts I dislike. I don't like them less for giving the crappy gift, but I'd prefer getting a nice gift. I've received gifts I've liked from people I don't think very much of. My like and dislike of them isn't linked to the gift. But everyone would be happier with getting nice gifts. Higher net utility all round.

 

[QCzar]

Receiving lots of things I don't like is about equal with receiving nothing, if I don't use any of the gifts. Gifts aren't a means of validating my self-esteem, they're just gifts.

Being equal, then the thought a person makes really does mean nothing to you.

Consequently, for you, the gift is all about the object given, not the person giving it... so they might as well be strangers handing stuff to you and it would make no difference. Does that mean then that you are feeling no emotional connection in receipt of a gift.

And how does that translate to immaterial gifts? Can you ever feel appreciation for an immaterial gift? And I don't mean bedroom gifts.

Jadzia, I think that it's well possible that some people are just a little less sentimental when it comes to the specific act of recieving gifts. Doesn't mean they're emotionless tards. For some, such as myself, it's less an emotional experience, akin to telling someone "I love you" (though that sentiment may be present), and more of a fun activity, akin to going on a picnic.

Speaking for myself, I feel no particular obligation to be 'emotionally humble' when getting shitty gifts from people who, frankly, should know better. Again, different strokes and everything. There are other ways in which I express affection and that it is expressed to me that are more substantive than gift-giving.

 

[Miss Chicken]

My former sister-in-law used to give me really crappy gifts. I looked forward to receiving her present each year because I wanted to see if she outdid herself from the previous year.

One of my friends also had very bad taste. She used to give me really tacky presents which I kept. When she died I gave a few of these presents to her daughters as mementoes of their Mum because I knew that they liked them as their taste was as bad as their mother's. They really appreciated the fact that what I gave them originally was chosen by their Mum.

 

[Jono]

Don't mind surprises.

I'm one of those people who likes to get a list of stuff people would like and then I get something from the list, simply because it makes the shopping easier for me to do and I don't have to waste too much time.

 

[Maestro]

I like a good surprise gift.

More than that, however, I like finding a good surprise gift to give someone.

 

[drychlick]

yes i love surpize gift take care all