Do We deserve an Inheritance

[Drogo]

When our parents die, do we, as adult children, deserve an inheritance without question. What if the distribution is not equal based on one adult child being disabled and the other child basically having no relationship with the rest of the family for decades, for an example

Five years ago, when my Father was terminally ill, Mom wanted me to help Dad, at his request, rewrite his will based on the ages and number of children, grandchildren and great grandchildren.

My three Sisters started making demands, threatening each other and generally acting like old Biddie Hens. They wanted things of our Father's they had absolutely no use or need of.

My final recommendation to Mom was for her to donate or give away all of the things my Dad had accumulated to the old Friends, his younger Brother and give the rest to the Grandchildren and their children. Effectively writing my Sisters and myself completely out of Dad's will. Then I suggested Mom take all of the things she would pass on and divide them up and give them to the Adult Girls now or when she felt it was appropriate, leaving the house and what ever financial items to be equally divide in equal shares to my Sisters.

A couple of months ago, Dad's Will, which is now Mom's Will, came in the mail. Signed, Sealed and Legalized.

Did I do right?

 

[tharpdevenport]

Personally, I'd have left not a single damned thing to the agumentive girls until they learn to act their age, but other than that, I think you did okay.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

No, we don't "deserve" anything. This culture of entitlement has really gotten out of hand. Our parents have the absolute right to leave their stuff to whoever they want. Even if it's not us.

 

[Holdfast]

Personally, I just let my parents write their wills as they chose and only got involved when various things needed countersigning. It's their money and their business what they do and to me, it sounds like getting involved without their desire for input is more potentially destructive than helpful, even if one were just looking at it from a mercenary perspective, which as it happens, I wasn't.

I knew roughly what my mum's will said prior to her death and I know roughly what my father's current will says, but that's about it.

After my mother passed, we needed to alter her will through a deed of variation for various tax efficiency reasons, but that's another issue and didn't affect the intent of her will, just some of the practicalities.

 

[Miss Chicken]

My Mum (who is terminally ill) asked us if they was anything we wanted after she has gone. I said I wanted a musical jug that I have loved since I was a child. Mum has since willed it to me. I don't really care what else I get though Mum has said we get 1/4 of everything.

 

[Drogo]

Personally, I just let my parents write their wills as they chose and only got involved when various things needed countersigning. It's their money and their business what they do and to me, it sounds like getting involved without their desire for input is more potentially destructive than helpful, even if one were just looking at it from a mercenary perspective, which as it happens, I wasn't.

Well, in my case, Mom told the family, that when Dad passed, that as oldest Male I would become the head of the family, with the same "powers" that Dad had over it. Mom felt it was my responsibility. Other wise I would have just stayed out of it.

Like a "patriarch" sort of thing.

 

[Kestra]

I don't expect anything from my parents. They have mentioned things over the years, but if they were to decide to will away everything to a charity in India, for example, I would not feel slighted. It is their property and their money that they have worked for their whole lives. My motivations for being a good daughter to them don't include "hope to be written into the will".

That being said, if something were to happen to them and I found out that I had been omitted from their wills and my siblings had been included, I would be surprised and wonder if I had done something to upset them.

But generally no, I don't believe that I deserve an inheritance from them.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

I must admit that I really don't even *want* my dad's stuff. I don't want the responsibility of trying to figure out what to do with it all. I wouldn't even know where to begin.

 

[auntiehill]

We have a family trust set up for me, my two older sisters and their children.

My oldest sister, aka Loser-sister, spent more than half her life as a drug addict, and now that she's clean, is still taking money from my parents---usually under false pretenses.

I am the trustee--the one who will decide who gets what if and when both of my parents have passed on. With Dad in the hospital and suffering from dementia, Mom decided that she would let me in on a few "updates" on the will. Loser-sister has had a severe reduction in her "share" since she has stolen more than she could ever inherit.

Her sense of entitlement is staggering. When my parents were both well and traveling the world, she complained that they were "spending her inheritance." She actually said that out loud.

I pointed out to her that it was our parents' money, and it wasn't her inheritance until they were both dead. I, for one, was hoping they would use THEIR money to enjoy their last years.

The trust also spells out that we sell the house (worth a decent chunk of change) and split the proceeds. As for the contents of the house, the only things I would really want would be the Christmas decorations. I will always strongly associate Christmas with my Mom, since she made it so special for us and loved the holiday so much.

 

[FPAlpha]

Personal experience says that an inheritance ruins families.

It ruined both families of mine.. on my dads side he doesn't talk to his only niece because he inherited the townhouse with everything in it while she expected to inherit it and when that didn't happen (despite her being so "caring" to her aunt when clearly she was only in it for the money and the house ) she started to bitch at which point my father lost it, put her into her place and then she cut contact (despite living in the same town only 10 minutes away by car).

On my moms side my grandmon died years ago and 2 years ago an uncle of mine who had money. There has always been tension in that family (part of it because they live too close together.. several house in one big estate) but once there was money involved from my uncle (who's had a small fortune) the knives came out and some members showed their true colors.

Sometimes i'm really happy to be the only child.. no problems, no fights and no hurt feelings when my parents are gone.

 

[Emher]

I'd say I probably owe my parents my part of the inheritance seeing as they've been helping me ut so much the past few years. But knowing my parents it would in any case be divided equal and if there was something that they knew any of us would like, they would make sure we got that. And I'm pretty sure none of us siblings would be averse to giving something to one of the others if they really wanted it.

 

[Commander Rabbit]

You did fine.

BTW, I'm not surprised at all by your sisters' behavior. I've heard horrible stories about fights over wills, even in families that otherwise seem to get along very well.

 

[The Sneeze Police]

Personally I am for my mom spending every last cent she has on herself.

My mom was irritated with one of my brothers when she updated her will after my dad died and while she didn't write him out, it was clear she was unhappy with him. My oldest brother found out, and together he & my mom amended the will to make it equitable...I found out later because the oldest brother felt like he might have "done the other siblings out of a more favorable will", so he mentioned it to us. Everyone shrugged and agreed that equitable was better and further that Mom should spend as much money on herself as possible.

It's not like my family has enough money or possessions to worry about, anyway.

 

[Jadzia]

I think so, we definitely deserve inheritance. If nothing else, for sake of continuity. When my siblings and I inherit the family estate we would want to keep it in the family. Inheritance allows for the preservation and continuity of these kinds of valuables.

 

[SmoothieX]

I don't think people are entitled to anything. If you want to be successful and have the things you want in life, go out and work hard instead of waiting for a handout from Mom and Dad.

When my folks go, I doubt I'll see anything, because there isn't much there. My Dad is really sick and between him not working and bills piling up, there's not a lot to go around.

 

[RandyS]

Personally, I just let my parents write their wills as they chose and only got involved when various things needed countersigning. It's their money and their business what they do and to me, it sounds like getting involved without their desire for input is more potentially destructive than helpful, even if one were just looking at it from a mercenary perspective, which as it happens, I wasn't.

Well, in my case, Mom told the family, that when Dad passed, that as oldest Male I would become the head of the family, with the same "powers" that Dad had over it. Mom felt it was my responsibility. Other wise I would have just stayed out of it.

Like a "patriarch" sort of thing.

My dad tried that same thing with me. Of course my little brother resented the hell out of it. They are both blowhards with HUGE egos.

As far as inheiritance is concerned, when my mom died, I shared what little money she had with my brother, but I got her house. Which turned out to be no problem. He told me he preferred his apartment.

 

[Bloodwhiner]

I fully expect there to be issues with y sister when mom passes. Mom has made me the executor of her will so I'm privy to it. We get equal shares of her condo but I get the car since I paid it off for her and am now on the title. Selling the condo is where I expect it to get ugly. I would prefer to sell it to another needy elderly person at a discounted but fair amount. My sister will want every last cent she can get from it. She already took most of the cash to pay of her debts (and then went back into debt), but will want more.

 

[RJDiogenes]

Whether or not someone is entitled to an inheritance depends on whether they earned it while their parents were alive. Most inheritances are probably not really earned, but people have the right to leave their assets to whoever they choose.

The things I care most about are certain objects with sentimental value, especially old things. My Mother has already given me several things that she knew I wanted when she sold her house. I got a nice antique clock that used to belong to my Grandmother, plus an old movie projector and some little films I used to watch as a little kid, and various other things.

I'll be the executor of the Will when my parents die, but I don't expect any issues with my siblings in that regard.

 

[Rocketman]

I'm somewhat worried about my relatives inheriting my debts. I really should try to investigate how to avoid saddling them with that if something happens to me before I manage to pay it off.

 

[TGTheodore]

No one DESERVES an inheritance. The point is for the dying to have their UNSHAKEABLE say in how they want their assets left and to whom.

Undeserving relatives who contest the wills of those perfectly in their right minds just really piss me off.

The ultimate in entitlement: feeling you're owed something from another's estate.

And don't get me started on people who come to the home of the deceased and just start taking things. As soon as possible after the death, the executor should change all the locks on the doors.

--Ted