I know how it can feel, it does suck. I agree with the above post...talking does help, even though you don't really want to do it at first. I saw a therapist for a while and it was a great help. Of course, you have to find the right therapist for your needs. But once you've done so it can make a big difference. I hope that you don't feel this way for much longer.
I'm very sorry for what you're going through, sbk, but as this thread has already demonstrated with the first reply, internet forums are not the best place to discuss serious issues like your own depression. Better to seek help from a professional than a bunch of randos on the internet. Please don't take this as a criticism of you for opening the thread, but I'm going to close it down. Best wishes.