Daria - Mysteries of Lawndale (Non Trek)

[USS Fardell]

Mysteries of Lawndale 01: Esteem of the Investigator Part 1
Lawndale, MD
15 September 1997
A blue Lexus approached a suburban High School.
“Girls, I just want you to know your mother and I realize it's not easy moving to a whole new town -- especially for you, Daria, right?” Jake Morgendorffer asked.

In the back, his daughter Daria, asked “Did we move?”

“I'm just saying you don't make friends as easily as... uh, some people.”

Daria looked at her younger sister. “Quinn, for instance?”

“That's not what I meant... necessarily.” Jake turned the radio off. “The point is, the first day at a new school is bound to be difficult...”

Daria smirked and took out a device from one of her pockets. She pressed a couple of the buttons and the radio turned back on, with the volume increased. “Speak up, Dad! Can't hear you!”

“Uh, where was I?” Jake asked. He turned the radio off again. “Oh, yeah...”


Stacy Rowe saw noticed a cute, athletic, teen, with long red hair emerge from a Lexus wearing a stylish athletic outfit. “Hi! You're cool. What's your name?”

“Quinn Morgendorffer.”

“Cool name,” Stacy’s ... fellow Fashion Club member (and President), Sandi Griffin, said.

“Will you go out with me?” An instantly besmitten boy asked.

“Not right away, I’m going to take a while to settle in. Find all the clubs that I’d be interested in,” Quinn said.

Sandi took that as a cue. “Sandi Griffin, Fashion Club President. Your outfit is quite interesting.”

“Thanks,” Quinn said. Her voice then showed her interest. “Fashion Club, did you say? I’m in!”

“Cool!” Stacy said.

“Not right away, there is paperwork to fill out,” Sandi said.

“Can it be filled out in a day?” Quinn asked. “Best not to waste time.”

“Of course,” Sandi said, taken aback.

“Cool, see you later!” Quinn said as she continued towards the school.
Daria entered the school. Instantly she noticed many things that didn’t seem right. ‘Of course, Highland wasn’t ‘right’ either,’ she thought. Her trained investigator’s eye saw a great many security cameras along the length of the corridor she was entering. ‘There are at least eight. That’s overkill.’
Another thing was the prominence of the football team amongst the posters advertising the school’s clubs and sports teams. She touched a button in one of her pockets and slowly rotated as the camera hidden in one of her coat buttons took photos. ‘That’s a fifth of that film used,’ she thought when she was done. She then looked for the principal’s office where the new students were to report.


Daria and Quinn were not the only students to begin at Lawndale High that day. There were at least ten others. After signing them into the enrolment books as attending, Principal Angela Li lead them on a tour of the school.
“Gosh, Daria, do you have to take notes now?” Quinn asked as they exited the door from the main block to the playing field.

“You know me, Quinn, insatiably curious,” Daria answered.

Quinn sighed. She knew that Daria could find a mystery anywhere.


Later they returned to the main administrative area of the school.
“As you can see, our Lawndale High students take great pride in their school. That's why you'll each be taking a small psychological exam to spot any little clouds on the horizon as you sail the student seas of Lawndale High,” Li said, saying the school’s name with reverence.

“S.O.S., girl overboard,” Daria said.

Quinn sighed.


A quarter of an hour later, the Morgendorffers were in the school counsellor’s office.

“Now, Quinn ... what do you see here?” Mrs. Margaret Manson said as she held up a picture.

“It's a picture of two people talking.”

“That's right. Can you make up a little story about what it is they're discussing?”

“They are talking about their activities after school, and whether they could find time to be together during their busy afternoon,” Quinn began...

Quinn finished five minutes later.

“Very good, Quinn! Now, Dora, let's see if you can make up a story as vivid as your sister's.”

“It's Daria.”

“'I’m sorry... Daria. What do you see in the picture, Dara?”

“Um... a herd of beautiful wild ponies running free across the plains.”

“Uh, there aren't any ponies. It's two people.”

“Last time I took one of these tests, they told me they were clouds. They said they could be whatever I wanted.”

“That's a different test, dear. In this test, they're people, and you tell me what they're discussing.”

“Oh ... I see, All right, then. It's a guy and a girl and they're discussing... why a herd of beautiful ponies that had been running free across the plains were now captured and held in a rodeo arena...” Daria smirked.


After the Psychological exam (by a quack, Daria suspected), the Morgendorffer siblings went to their classes. Daria went to history.

It was clearly American History. “Class, we have a new student joining us today. Please welcome Daria Morgendorffer. Daria, raise your hand, please.”

“Well, Daria! As long as you have your hand raised...” Mr. Anthony DeMartino chuckled evilly. “Last week we began a unit on westward expansion. Perhaps you feel it's unfair to be asked a question on your first day of class.”

“Excuse me?” Daria asked.

“Daria, can you concisely and unemotionally sum up for us the doctrine of Manifest Destiny?”

“Manifest Destiny was a slogan popular in the 1840s. It was used by people who claimed it was God's will for the U.S. to expand all the way to the Pacific Ocean. These people did not include many Mexicans, nor Native Americans.”

“Very good, Daria. Almost... suspiciously good. All right, class. Who can tell me which war Mainfest Destiny was used to justify?”

Daria watched as a teen in a football uniform answered the question with the name of a war over a century later. She took down the notes.

Football players unable to answer history questions properly.

A moment later followed by

Also applies to at least one cheerleader.


“Either someone gives me the answer, or I give you all double homework and a quiz tomorrow. I want a volunteer with the answer. Now!”

Daria raised her hand.

“Daria, stop showing off!”

‘Of course.’


The Morgendorffers were having dinner. “... so for now, I’m vice president of the Fashion Club, member of the Anime, Chess and French clubs and on the tennis and track teams and that’s it,” Quinn said. She lowered her voice. “They don’t have a sparring team, can you believe that?”

“Sounds like well-thought out decisions, honey,” Jake said.

“As long as you can join the pep squad and mathletics teams later – if you want. Never know how much we can handle till we try, though,” Helen Morgendorffer said.

“What about you, Daria? How was your first day?” Jake asked.

“There is no Mystery Club. Also, my history teacher hates me because I know all the answers, but there are some interesting idiots in my class.”

“That’s great!”

“Jake!”

“I mean..”

“Daria, your father's trying to tell you not to judge people until you know them. You're in a brand-new school in a brand-new town. You don't want it to be Highland all over again. As for the Mystery Club, perhaps you can make one?”

“Perhaps,” Daria said.

“Is that all?”

“It boils down to trust.”

“Exactly. It all boils down to trust. Show a little trust.” The phone rang and Helen answered it.

“I hope that’s not the Italian or checkers clubs, badminton team or booster society again!” Quinn said.

“Hello? ... Yes. ... Uh, yes, she's my daughter. ... I see. Listen, will this require any parent-teacher conferences or anything, and if so, is this the sort of thing my assistant can handle? ... Okay, great. Bye!” She hung up. “You girls took a psychological test at school today?”

“Yeah?” Quinn answered.

“Daria, they want you to take a special class for a few weeks, then they'll test you again.”

“Oh,” Quinn said.

“It seems she has low self-esteem,” Helen said.

“What?! That really stinks, Daria!” Jake said.

“Easy, Jake. Focus. We tell you over and over again that you're wonderful and you just... don't... get it!” Helen said, she slammed her fists on the table. “What's wrong with you?!”

“Don't worry. I don't have low self-esteem. It's a mistake,” Daria said.

“I’ll say!” Jake said.

“The school councillor is a quack. I have low esteem for people like her.”

“Now, Daria, how did you get that impression?”

Daria looked her mother in the eyes. “She kept mispronouncing my name.”

As her daughter walked off, Helen began to think about it.


Daria was out in the yard, taking notes when Quinn came out. “Starting your investigations already?” she asked.

“Yes, you did notice the irregularities at the school?”

“You mean all the cameras?”

“Not just the cameras, the prominence of the football team in the in-school advertisements,” Daria said.

Quinn thought for a moment. “You’re right.”

“Lawndale may not be the ordinary suburb that Mom thought it was.”

 

[USS Fardell]

16 September 1997
Daria was annoyed at the Self Esteem Class already. The teacher was droning on, espousing New Age crap: “Esteem... a teen. They don't really rhyme, do they? The sounds don't quite mesh. And that, in fact, is often the case when it comes to a teen and esteem. The two just don't seem to go together. But we are here to begin realizing your actuality...”

‘That makes no sense! ‘Realizing your actuality’?’ She thought. She raised her hand. “Excuse me. I have a question.”

“Sorry, question and answer time is later.”

“I want to know what ‘realizing your actuality’ means.”

“It means... look, just let me get through this part, okay? Then there'll be a video!”

‘That’s annoying!’ Daria thought. She began writing that the teacher didn’t know what he was doing, but she was interrupted.

A girl seated behind her with chin-length hair, three piercings in her ears and wearing a paint splattered red jacket over a dark grey outfit leaned forward and said; “He doesn't know what it means. He's got the speech memorized. Just enjoy the nice man's soothing voice.”

Daria turned around. “How am I supposed to follow him if I don't know what he's talking about?”

“I can fill you in later. I've taken this course six times.”


Quinn approached a large house. “Here it is, 512 Grandstaff Drive.” She went up and rang the doorbell.

The door was opened by a young boy with brown hair. “Hi!” he said.

“Hello, this is the Griffin’s right?”

“That’s right,” the boy answered.

“I’m Quinn. Is Sandi here?”

“I’m Sam. Sandi is in her room with Stacy and Tiffany. Up the stairs and in the room to the left.”

Quinn flounced in, quickly taking in how the Griffin’s living room appeared. (She didn’t notice as much as Daria would have, but there were times in Highland that she had noticed something that Daria had missed.)


Stacy waited nervously for Quinn to arrive. “She’s late!” Sandi said, looking at the clock on her computer screen.

“She is probably taking her time trying to find the house,” Stacy said.

Sandi used her glare of disapproval on her.

“Eep!”

However then, there was a knock on the door. “Hello?” It was Quinn.
:
“Come in, we’re, like, just about to start,” Sandi said.

“That’s great!” Quinn said.


Daria was walking with her new friend, Jane Lane. As they entered a Lawndale neighbourhood that appeared to date from the turn of the century Jane said, “So, then, after the role-playing, next class they put the girls and the guys in separate rooms and a female counselor talks to us about body image.”

“A classroom full of guys and a male teacher?”

It didn’t take a genius to guess, “Nocturnal emissions.”

“I don't get it, Jane. You've got the entire course memorized. How come you can't pass the test to get out?”

“I could pass the test, but I like having low self-esteem. It makes me feel special.”


Half an hour later, Daria relaxed as she and Jane recovered from their success at stopping a bank from foreclosing on the Lane’s. “So your parents, when did you last see them?” Daria asked.

“Let’s see, Mom a few weeks ago. She stayed for a couple of days. Dad at the beginning of summer. He just stayed overnight,” Jane said. She saw Daria’s concern. “Don’t worry, Trent and I can look after ourselves.”

Daria looked around at the rather untidy house and Jane’s lean figure. ‘The house needs attention, but she looks well nourished.’ She decided to change the topic. “So you said that you’re an artist?”

“Yes, but what is with the third degree, Daria?”

“Force of habit.”

“Habit?” Jane asked with a slightly worried tone.

“I find mysteries and I solve them. I have done so since I was seven or eight. I surprised some detectives, one of whom offered to help me hone my skills. I have lost count of the mysteries that I have solved.”

“Cool,” Jane said.

“For instance, yesterday I noticed something ‘off’ about the school,” Daria said. She told Jane her observations about the school, including the cameras, the advertising for the football team and her suspicions about Mrs. Manson. “...as I told my sister, Lawndale may not be an ordinary suburb.”
“I agree, they are obsessed about football here,” Jane said in response.

“That explains that, but I have a feeling that there is more to it.”

“You know, there are a lot of odd occurrences at the school. Maybe you could explain them.”

“Tomorrow, I will spend more time among the other students,” Daria decided.

“Maybe I could help you, the Watson to your Holmes, if you like.”

“It would involve extracurricular activity. I intend to form a Mystery Club.”

“Jane Lane, artist extraordinaire, and Mystery Club Vice President. Sounds Good.”

 

[USS Fardell]

17 September 1997
Daria entered the office. “Can I help you?” the receptionist asked.

“I would like to know what the procedure is for forming a school sponsored club.”

“Well, the school already has a great number of clubs. Perhaps you would like to join one of them?”

“No, but a list would be useful in future.”

“Oh. I can give you the list of clubs, and the paperwork that the School District requires for the formation of a club, although it is the Principal who has the final approval.”

“I see,” Daria said. She thought for a moment. Would she risk having an informal club? ‘No, Only if Ms. Li doesn’t approve it,’ she decided. “I will have that list, and the paperwork. I’ll have it back by the end of the day.”

“Very Good, Ms. Morgendorffer,” the receptionist said. She quickly gave Daria a copy of the list of all the existing clubs in Lawndale High and the Club Foundation paperwork.


At lunch, Daria and Jane looked at the paperwork. “Gee, Daria, this is complex. Just for forming a sponsored club!”

“Not that complex.” Daria turned back to the first page. “Name: Mystery Club.” She wrote that down. She then filled in the description field.

“That’s a long description.”

Daria looked at the list of existing clubs. “I’m sure all these have similar lengths.”

“Probably,” Jane said.


Quinn entered the room. “Welcome, Quinn,” Jenna Swartz, the President of the Anime Club said.

“Hi, Jenna.” Quinn entered. The first thing she noticed was a large number of Sailor Moon posters. “We talk about more than Sailor Moon, right?”

“Of course, Sailor Moon is just the most popular. There is also Dragon Ball Z, Astro Boy, Kimba the White Lion and Ranma ½, among others,” Jenna said.

“Cool, although I don’t think Ranma is, like, eew!”

“Each to their own, I guess,” Jenna said.

“Kimba is cute, don’t you think?”

“Certainly,” Jenna said.

Quinn sat down and saw three cute, albeit slightly geeky boys enter.

“What’s your name?” the first asked.

“Quinn.”


Later, Daria and Jane passed Quinn in the hall. “So... like, what do you like to do after school?” a boy asked her, after they passed.

“Nothing special. Like homework or practice for the various sports activities I’m involved in,” Quinn answered.

“Oh...”

“I do go out to the movies, or, like, a theme park... or out for a really fancy meal now and then... or maybe go to a concert, if, like, I know somebody's got good seats and is renting a limo and stuff.”

“Cool,” the boy said.

“You hear that? He hasn't got a prayer,” Jane said.

“Tell me about it. That's my sister.”

“Oh. Bummer,” Jane said.

“It’s not that bad,” Daria said.

“So, you've got any brothers or sisters?”

“An older sister. I occasionally help her with her mystery solving.”

That got Jane’s interest. “She helps you?” she asked.

“Note the word ‘occasionally.’ She has occasionally noticed something I had missed.”

“Ah.”


Later that night, Daria went over to Jane’s again. First they watched Sick Sad World.

“U.F.O. conventions, once sneered at as the domain of so-called "kooks," have become big, big business, drawing hundreds of thousands of people each year, people as sane and rational as you and I, who come simply to satisfy a normal curiosity.”

“Hi! I'm Artie.”

“Artie, hello. Tell me, what brought you here, Artie.”

“It was a cone-shaped craft about 15 feet long, with an air speed of, oh, I'd estimate mach 12. They kidnapped and stripped me, examined me briefly, returned my clothes, and dropped me here.”

“You know, that guy is from Lawndale. He works for various Pizza places,” Jane said.

“Interesting, but before we investigate the town and its crazier inhabitants we need to get out of that self esteem class,” Daria said.

“Sure,” Jane said.

“You know all the answers to the questions on the release test, right?”

“I've got them in my notebook.”

“So, we can take the test tomorrow,” Daria said.

“And then spend my afternoons solving mysteries,” Jane said enthusiastically.

‘She is a little enthusiastic. She could be hiding something. But what? I already know that her parents are hardly here,’ Daria thought. She had already had similar thoughts since the previous day, but had decided to wait until she knew Jane better before prying. She had no close friends and didn’t want to lose the opportunity. “Let’s prepare,” she said.


After the preparation, Jane then showed Daria her wandering siblings rooms. “Maybe, there is a clue here as to where she went,” she said as she lead Daria into her sister, Penny’s room.

“You don’t know?” Daria asked.

“Last I heard, she was in Mexico City, eight years go,” Jane answered.

“Interesting,” Daria said. She looked into the room. It would have to be a long term project. Whatever clue Penny Lane had left wouldn’t be easy to find.

 

[USS Fardell]

18 September 1997
There was a large crowd at Lawndale High’s tennis court.
The new girl, Quinn Morgendorffer, was playing against a player from Oakwood, Lawndale’s biggest rival. What was impressive was that Quinn was winning. So far it was 6-3, 5-2 at 40-30. The Lawndale home crowd was holding their breath as Quinn prepared to serve.

She served... Her opponent hit the ball back, Quinn quickly intercepted the ball and hit it again. Her opponent slammed it back over the net. Quinn again intercepted it. The ball went back and forth three times before the opponent hit it into the net.

Quinn had won in straight sets! The home crowd cheered.


After a small celebration, Quinn walked off the Tennis court. To her surprise Principal Li was waiting. “Wow, Ms, Morgendorffer, you have given Lawndale High, honor and glory today. Keep it up!” she said, saying the school’s name with a sense of awe and reverence.

“I suppose you could say that. Now if you excuse me, I really could use a shower!”

“Of course, don’t let me hold you up!”

As Quinn walked back to the school buildings, she decided to tell Daria about the Principal’s reaction to her win.


Elsewhere in Lawndale High, Daria and Jane were ready to tell Mr. O’Neill that they were ready to quit the Self Esteem Class.

“...And so, for tomorrow, I want you to make a list of ten ways the world would be a sadder place if you weren't in it.”

“Is that if we'd never been born, or if we died suddenly and unexpectedly?” A boy with a shirt depicting a character from MTV’s The Head, asked.

“Never been born,” O’Neill said. “See you all tomorrow!”

As all the other students left, Daria and Jane stayed behind. “Hi! Did you need clarification on something we covered today?”

“We feel really good about ourselves,” Daria said.

“We want to take the graduation test.”

“Well! I'm glad your self-image meter is on the uptick! But there's still three more weeks of class left.”

“So can we take the test?” Daria asked.

O’Neill allowed them to attempt the test, and they passed the it. Of course, they had to go to assembly the next day...


Daria and Jane met Quinn as they left the school. “Quinn?” Daria asked.

“Daria, there is something I noticed after my Tennis match this afternoon.” She noticed Jane. “Who are you?”

“Jane Lane, your sister’s new friend.”

“Right,” Quinn said.

“What did you notice, Quinn?” Daria asked.

“When Ms. Li congratulated me, she said the school’s name in a really weird way... Like with reverence. I thought you should know.”

“Thanks, Quinn. That is certainly unusual.”

“So you’ll investigate, right?”

“Of course.”


Later that evening, Jane came down to her front door, to find Daria. “Hi.”

Daria showed what she had brought over.

“A Tandem?”

“It’s no ordinary tandem. I have modified it to my specifications. Tonight we’ll ride along Howard Drive,

Jane was uncertain. “Are we spying on my neighbors?”

“If they’re out in their front yards, whatever they say would be public. That applies to whatever is in those yards.”

“I guess,” Jane said.


So, for the next forty minutes, the new friends rode along Howard Drive, discussing how they would begin investigating the school during the next week.

 

[USS Fardell]

19 September 1997
Lawndale High’s Assemblies were held in the afternoon. Ms. Li was speaking. “And once again, the bake sale was a tremendous success. We raised more than $400, which was subsequently stolen from the office, but I am confident we will get that money back. In a related note, the school nurse will be visiting homerooms on Monday to collect DNA samples. Now, Mr. O'Neill has exciting news about our after-school self-esteem class.”

“Thank you. You know, self-esteem is a little like your car's brake fluid. You may not even know you're low on it until, one day, you go to shift gears and nothing happens.”

“That’s transmission fluid!” A student called out.

O’Neill tried to cover his mistake. “That's... what I said. Anyway, I'd like you to meet two students who have completed our self-esteem course faster than anyone ever before! Please join me in congratulations as I present these certificates of self-esteem to... Daria Morgendorffer and Jane Lane.”

“Oh, what the hell,” Jane said as she stepped up to the podium.

There was meagre applause.

“I just want to say how proud I am today. Knowing that I have self-esteem gives me even more self-esteem.” She glanced at Daria. “On the other hand, having all of you know that I had low self-esteem makes me feel... kind of bad... like a big failure or something.”

The audience began to chuckle at Jane’s behaviour.

Jane turned up the histrionics. “I, uh, I want to go home.” She held her arm to her forehead, feigned a sob and ran off.

“Daria, wait!” Mr. O’Neill called out, and ran off after Jane.

Daria stepped up the podium. “No one can battle a terrible problem like low self-esteem on their own. It takes good coaching...”

And so the Assembly went on. Daria concluded by thanking her family, including Quinn and then sat down.


That night, the Morgendorffers went to the UFO convention, which had come to Lawndale for the weekend. The first thing Daria noticed, was that the convention hall was laid out exactly as it had been at the previous town where Sick Sad World had filmed. ‘That’s not my concern. I’ll be busy with Lawndale,’ she thought.

“So, Daria, what are we doing here?” Helen asked.

“We’re going to look at all the exhibits.” Daria hoped to find Artie and offer her investigative services.


Unfortunately, Artie was nowhere to be seen, but Daria did take pictures of various people (alongside the exhibits) so the evening wasn’t a total loss.



20 September 1997
Daria and Quinn were riding towards Jane’s house. “Why are we going to your friend’s place again?” Quinn asked as they turned into Howard Drive.

“She’s joining us in the investigation of Lawndale,” Daria answered.

“Which house is it?” Quinn asked. All of the houses looked as if they came from the turn of the century, or even earlier (as opposed to their area of town, which dated from much more recently).

“The cream colored house, the one that is second last on the right,” Daria answered. They were approaching it.

“The one with the weird lawn ornament?”

“Exactly.”


Jane, still drowsey from recent awakening, answered the door. She opened it to find Daria and Quinn, standing next to a strange three wheeled contraption that resembled an oversized scooter. “Hello, Daria,” Jane said.

Daria showed the vehicle to Jane. “It’s a three person scooter. Up to three people can use it to travel along a street or footpath, at a faster than walking pace. It may not be as fast as a bike or tandem but has come in useful.”

“Oh, definitely,” Quinn murmured.

“So, we’re doing more investigation today?” Jane asked.

“Of course,” Daria answered.

“Cool, once I have had my morning coffee of course,” Jane said.


Once Jane had had her breakfast, the three of them set off on the Triscooter (as Jane had christened it) ready to take on what Lawndale could throw at them.