(This is a brief holiday gift to you all, mostly because I feel guilty about not posting more around here. I've had this little piece in my hard drive for a while now and since I think it works as a stand alone story I thought it best to put it up here. Enjoy!) “Yeah Damar, what kind of people give those orders?” I stared at her, fury twisting though my guts. How DARE she I thought I have lost the women that I love and my son has been murdered by that bastard Weyoun and that arrogant Bajorian is bringing up the Occupation again. My whole body was numb with grief and rage and all I could think about was murder, anyone would do, the Shapesifter or that Vorta jackal, perhaps a smug former spy and a Bajorian terrorist wearing a Starfleet uniform. My whole existence was afire with hated and self loathing. I felt nothing, saw nothing but the treacherous padd which had reported the death of my family, my hopes and dreams. What did I have to live for now? What good is the State when those you love are dead or hurt and everything you believe is in ruins and the orders that you gave have sent millions to their doom... Ah Who gives those orders indeed? I did, or rather I thought I did, and in doing so I caused the deaths of millions of brave Cardassians (what about the Humans and the Romulans?) I tried to ignore my conscience after all, since when has a son of Cardassia needed one? Since you murdered an innocent young woman in cold blood? Even the drink could not stop the memory, seeing her die over and over again, the shock and betrayal in her eyes and it certainly could not make me deny that I had dammed myself to my own personal Hell. Ha, the Kanar was part of it anyway. But then that wasn’t the first time was it? I had started to drink on Terok... (No, let’s use its real name shall we?) Deep Space Nine during the early days of the War. I always thought that it was the stress of conflict or a result of dealing with that scumbag Weyoun. Now I think that it was...guilt. We had betrayed everyone and started a war that will destroy the Cardassian people. We wanted a strong Empire again and to ‘rule the Alpha quadrant’. Why didn’t I stop Dukat, why was I so weak and useless? I think I was always asking myself that but it was only after my rebellion that I came to this realisation. I had failed my family, my people and myself. I had given in to the worst aspects of my personality and wasted my life in a haze of booze and affairs. I had cheated on the women I loved and denied my son a father. What kind of a Cardassian am I?
While there are a few typos, I can definitely hear Damar's voice as I read that, and the epiphany he had in that moment. Based on this--it's a real shame Damar had to die, because he was really starting to come into greatness at last.