Ch.ch..changes...

[AliciaD496]

OK, so this is going to be kind of a ramble thread, so be warned...

My cousin, who would have turned 25 on Thursday last week, took what I guess you could call 'the easy way out'. Despite having at least some prospects of a future (he had children, and a support system for raising them despite not having a job himself). It's hard for me to imagine being willing to give up on that, because having children of my own is likely an opportunity I'll never have and in truth always made me kind of jealous of him. I guess different people see things in different ways.

This whole situation, though, has led me to a re-evaluation of my own situation. I'd already been struggling in law school, and was already coming to the realization that perhaps it just wasn't for me. So I decided to withdraw and have been pretty happy with that decision so far. There is a draw back, though (aside from the financial situation, owing money for a half a year of work on a degree I'll never get). It's breaking the news to my friends that I've made in school. So far I've just told them I'm taking a break, haven't specified how long. I don't know how to tell them. I realize people drop out of law school all the time, but it's still kind of embarrassing in a way. I also have to find a way to tell my legal writing professor, who was expecting at least a partial update of a draft of our memo. I don't want to just be 'hey, I'm dropping out' but I also don't want to be there any more either.

It's also made me re-evaluate some other aspects of my life, I guess, and made me realize I'm tired of the way things are going. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, I'm tired of being alone. I'm 27 and I've never had a boyfriend, and I wouldn't know how to start. Maybe something like 'events and adventures' I hear about, not necessarily focused on dating like websites but more making friends and finding people with common interests at these events? I don't know. I'm not religious and I'm not a drinker (and going to a bar alone is awkward anyway) so church and clubs are out as a way to meet people. I don't particularly enjoy coffee either, but Seattle does have some nice coffee shops to hang out at and I could drink cocoa or tea I guess. Like I said, I'm hopeless at this. Probably why I stay home, it's easier to stay in and watch a DVD than figure out somewhere to go hangout with strangers.

I'd also like to get out of Seattle at some point (and sooner than later), I don't have many real friends here anyway. My sister and brother-in-law live here and I appreciate having them close but I also know I'm not happy here. How do I go about moving? I've never actually moved that far, only to college and then from my parents to Seattle (about 300 miles one way or the other). How do I DO that? I know I want to but I don't know how I'd begin with this either. Ideally I'd like to move back east, either DC or Boston, but would be open to most northern major cities.

I guess I could call this a quarter-life crisis of sorts, or just a major re-prioritization, I don't know.

Anyone else gone through a situation like this? How did you get through this? Thanks to anyone who made it through this post and has any advice to give.

 

[RAMA]

OK, so this is going to be kind of a ramble thread, so be warned...

My cousin, who would have turned 25 on Thursday last week, took what I guess you could call 'the easy way out'. Despite having at least some prospects of a future (he had children, and a support system for raising them despite not having a job himself). It's hard for me to imagine being willing to give up on that, because having children of my own is likely an opportunity I'll never have and in truth always made me kind of jealous of him. I guess different people see things in different ways.

This whole situation, though, has led me to a re-evaluation of my own situation. I'd already been struggling in law school, and was already coming to the realization that perhaps it just wasn't for me. So I decided to withdraw and have been pretty happy with that decision so far. There is a draw back, though (aside from the financial situation, owing money for a half a year of work on a degree I'll never get). It's breaking the news to my friends that I've made in school. So far I've just told them I'm taking a break, haven't specified how long. I don't know how to tell them. I realize people drop out of law school all the time, but it's still kind of embarrassing in a way. I also have to find a way to tell my legal writing professor, who was expecting at least a partial update of a draft of our memo. I don't want to just be 'hey, I'm dropping out' but I also don't want to be there any more either.

It's also made me re-evaluate some other aspects of my life, I guess, and made me realize I'm tired of the way things are going. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, I'm tired of being alone. I'm 27 and I've never had a boyfriend, and I wouldn't know how to start. Maybe something like 'events and adventures' I hear about, not necessarily focused on dating like websites but more making friends and finding people with common interests at these events? I don't know. I'm not religious and I'm not a drinker (and going to a bar alone is awkward anyway) so church and clubs are out as a way to meet people. I don't particularly enjoy coffee either, but Seattle does have some nice coffee shops to hang out at and I could drink cocoa or tea I guess. Like I said, I'm hopeless at this. Probably why I stay home, it's easier to stay in and watch a DVD than figure out somewhere to go hangout with strangers.

I'd also like to get out of Seattle at some point (and sooner than later), I don't have many real friends here anyway. My sister and brother-in-law live here and I appreciate having them close but I also know I'm not happy here. How do I go about moving? I've never actually moved that far, only to college and then from my parents to Seattle (about 300 miles one way or the other). How do I DO that? I know I want to but I don't know how I'd begin with this either. Ideally I'd like to move back east, either DC or Boston, but would be open to most northern major cities.

I guess I could call this a quarter-life crisis of sorts, or just a major re-prioritization, I don't know.

Anyone else gone through a situation like this? How did you get through this? Thanks to anyone who made it through this post and has any advice to give.

*HUGS* Do what you feel is right, but I highly recommend getting out there and speaking to people, its the best way to get to know someone.

 

[Lindley]

OK, so this is going to be kind of a ramble thread, so be warned...

My cousin, who would have turned 25 on Thursday last week, took what I guess you could call 'the easy way out'. Despite having at least some prospects of a future (he had children, and a support system for raising them despite not having a job himself). It's hard for me to imagine being willing to give up on that, because having children of my own is likely an opportunity I'll never have and in truth always made me kind of jealous of him. I guess different people see things in different ways.

That's going to be hard on anyone.

This whole situation, though, has led me to a re-evaluation of my own situation. I'd already been struggling in law school, and was already coming to the realization that perhaps it just wasn't for me. So I decided to withdraw and have been pretty happy with that decision so far. There is a draw back, though (aside from the financial situation, owing money for a half a year of work on a degree I'll never get). It's breaking the news to my friends that I've made in school. So far I've just told them I'm taking a break, haven't specified how long. I don't know how to tell them. I realize people drop out of law school all the time, but it's still kind of embarrassing in a way. I also have to find a way to tell my legal writing professor, who was expecting at least a partial update of a draft of our memo. I don't want to just be 'hey, I'm dropping out' but I also don't want to be there any more either.

That's the sort of thing which is less stressful if you just get it over with. Whatever their reaction, it probably won't be as bad as you imagine it being.

It's also made me re-evaluate some other aspects of my life, I guess, and made me realize I'm tired of the way things are going. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, I'm tired of being alone. I'm 27 and I've never had a boyfriend, and I wouldn't know how to start. Maybe something like 'events and adventures' I hear about, not necessarily focused on dating like websites but more making friends and finding people with common interests at these events? I don't know. I'm not religious and I'm not a drinker (and going to a bar alone is awkward anyway) so church and clubs are out as a way to meet people. I don't particularly enjoy coffee either, but Seattle does have some nice coffee shops to hang out at and I could drink cocoa or tea I guess. Like I said, I'm hopeless at this. Probably why I stay home, it's easier to stay in and watch a DVD than figure out somewhere to go hangout with strangers.

Wait, when did I register a dual?

I tried the online dating thing. I may keep trying it, but the strong impression I'm left with is that it isn't really for me. I've met a few really nice women through Match, but three of them I've met up with once and nothing since, and the fourth I've kept in touch with but only on a friend basis. I think in order to make a service like that work, you have to be looking for companionship more aggressively than I am.

I'd also like to get out of Seattle at some point (and sooner than later), I don't have many real friends here anyway. My sister and brother-in-law live here and I appreciate having them close but I also know I'm not happy here. How do I go about moving? I've never actually moved that far, only to college and then from my parents to Seattle (about 300 miles one way or the other). How do I DO that? I know I want to but I don't know how I'd begin with this either. Ideally I'd like to move back east, either DC or Boston, but would be open to most northern major cities.

There's a group of us in DC who would be glad to make you feel welcome. And I happen to know Boston is an interesting place to live as well, since I grew up in its suburbs.

As for how a move like that is done? Well, it helps if you can get work lined up *before* you make the move. If you're really lucky, the job will pay for your moving expenses. What's your area of study, other than the law?

However you arrange things financially, the practical sequence would go something like:
1) Visit the area to find an apartment or condo to rent or buy. If you can find a roommate (for me, the company that hired me provided a roommate interest list), that really helps with the costs.
2) Call a shipping service to get your furniture in Seattle. They'll deliver it to you at the destination within a couple of weeks.
3) Pack your bags and get on a plane.

You'll need a car, of course; given the distance involved, buying a new one and trading in the old seems more reasonable than driving across the whole country.

 

[Robert Maxwell]

OK, so this is going to be kind of a ramble thread, so be warned...

My cousin, who would have turned 25 on Thursday last week, took what I guess you could call 'the easy way out'. Despite having at least some prospects of a future (he had children, and a support system for raising them despite not having a job himself). It's hard for me to imagine being willing to give up on that, because having children of my own is likely an opportunity I'll never have and in truth always made me kind of jealous of him. I guess different people see things in different ways.

That's really sad. People have their reasons for doing what they do--it's not always easy to understand. It's no doubt hardest on those they leave behind, though.

This whole situation, though, has led me to a re-evaluation of my own situation. I'd already been struggling in law school, and was already coming to the realization that perhaps it just wasn't for me. So I decided to withdraw and have been pretty happy with that decision so far. There is a draw back, though (aside from the financial situation, owing money for a half a year of work on a degree I'll never get). It's breaking the news to my friends that I've made in school. So far I've just told them I'm taking a break, haven't specified how long. I don't know how to tell them. I realize people drop out of law school all the time, but it's still kind of embarrassing in a way. I also have to find a way to tell my legal writing professor, who was expecting at least a partial update of a draft of our memo. I don't want to just be 'hey, I'm dropping out' but I also don't want to be there any more either.

It's not unusual to reevaluate one's life when there is a death in the family, especially when it's an unexpected passing. It reminds you of your own mortality and that your time here is limited, so you start thinking about what you might be doing wrong or that you should change.

I think it's best to just tell people, and not dance around it or wait. The longer you wait, the more people will be hurt that you didn't tell them sooner! You can preface it by saying it was a hard decision and doesn't reflect on them at all, that this is just something you needed to do for yourself.

It's also made me re-evaluate some other aspects of my life, I guess, and made me realize I'm tired of the way things are going. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, I'm tired of being alone. I'm 27 and I've never had a boyfriend, and I wouldn't know how to start. Maybe something like 'events and adventures' I hear about, not necessarily focused on dating like websites but more making friends and finding people with common interests at these events? I don't know. I'm not religious and I'm not a drinker (and going to a bar alone is awkward anyway) so church and clubs are out as a way to meet people. I don't particularly enjoy coffee either, but Seattle does have some nice coffee shops to hang out at and I could drink cocoa or tea I guess. Like I said, I'm hopeless at this. Probably why I stay home, it's easier to stay in and watch a DVD than figure out somewhere to go hangout with strangers.

Try dating websites, social networking sites, etc. Just meet people. You don't have to go in with any expectations, just find people with common interests and talk to them. You sound like someone who is pretty shy, so breaking the ice online might work better for you, as you work your way up to meeting face-to-face.

I'd also like to get out of Seattle at some point (and sooner than later), I don't have many real friends here anyway. My sister and brother-in-law live here and I appreciate having them close but I also know I'm not happy here. How do I go about moving? I've never actually moved that far, only to college and then from my parents to Seattle (about 300 miles one way or the other). How do I DO that? I know I want to but I don't know how I'd begin with this either. Ideally I'd like to move back east, either DC or Boston, but would be open to most northern major cities.

I know there's a very active TrekBBS crowd in DC, and also in the New York City area (including me!) There's also some intermingling between the DC and NYC crowds. If you came out this way, you would at least have plenty of people to meet!

As for how to move, if you don't have a lot of money up front, my suggestion would be to find an open room in an apartment. That's what I did when I came to New Jersey. A room opened up in my friend's apartment, and the timing worked out so that I could move into it quickly. It's cheaper and gives you time to save up money to get your own place.

Depending on how much stuff you have (or want to bring with you), bring it in your car (if you have one), or rent a moving truck. You can also send things via Greyhound if you aren't worried about how quickly it gets to your destination. My wife did that when she moved in with me, shipping a 25-gallon tote of her stuff.

I guess I could call this a quarter-life crisis of sorts, or just a major re-prioritization, I don't know.

Anyone else gone through a situation like this? How did you get through this? Thanks to anyone who made it through this post and has any advice to give.

Well, I had to reevaluate a lot of things when I lost my job near the end of 2008. I'd had the job for 7 years, and I had never been unemployed in my adult life, so it was a very difficult time for me. I also had to make the difficult decision to leave my family behind in Indiana while I went to New Jersey to work. A year later, I am still here, and the situation is kind of weird, but we make it work. Sure beats being unemployed...

In the end, though, you should go with your gut. If you're unhappy doing what you're doing, think of what you'd rather be doing and make it happen. Plan and execute. Few things in life happen automatically! If you don't know what you want to do with yourself long-term, that's okay. Just support yourself in whatever way you can and are okay with, and don't rush into something else. It's perfectly fine if you don't know what you want to do with your life--many people don't, and it's not a decision you need to rush. Plus, you're allowed to change your mind... more than once, even!

 

[Gaith]

Indeed, my condolences also for your loss.

As for meeting people, how about the local Sierra Club or other hiking groups? You get outside, see great sights, get an energy rush from all the moving around, and meet people besides. Win-win-win.

 

[Kestra]

This whole situation, though, has led me to a re-evaluation of my own situation. I'd already been struggling in law school, and was already coming to the realization that perhaps it just wasn't for me. So I decided to withdraw and have been pretty happy with that decision so far. There is a draw back, though (aside from the financial situation, owing money for a half a year of work on a degree I'll never get). It's breaking the news to my friends that I've made in school. So far I've just told them I'm taking a break, haven't specified how long. I don't know how to tell them. I realize people drop out of law school all the time, but it's still kind of embarrassing in a way.

I just wanted to address this part, because I've been through something similar, I suppose. I come from a background where everyone is a doctor and everyone becomes a doctor, and those are the people I was around in college. If they weren't going into medicine, it was law, or maybe the odd dental student. When I decided not to go to medical school it was incredibly difficult to tell not only my parents, but also all my friends. It was also difficult to let go of something that had been such a major part of my life and identity.

It definitely shocked people, but they responded better than I had expected. Then of course I shocked them all later when I announced I was going into wedding planning, and now I've had to tell everyone I've given that up to go back to school for psychology. I think by now they don't know what to expect from me.

Anyway the point is, yeah, it's difficult, but you'll feel better once you've done it. If people are your friends then they'll understand. There's nothing embarrassing about realizing something isn't for you, and it's better to realize that before you go even further down that path.

I know it feels like a big deal and it is, to an extent. But in the grand scheme of things it's just one of the many moments in your life. I know I haven't regretted any of the career-changing decisions I've made. Good luck, and remember, there's nothing to be ashamed of!

 

[KimMH]

My deepest condolences to you and his family. I can't imagine such sorrow.

 

[RJDiogenes]

My condolences as well. That's an especially tragic way to lose someone.