Can you fall in love online?

[Warped9]

Very recently I've been trying out chatting online. I've had little experience with this a few years ago, nothing since. Awhile ago I joined a couple of sites to try to connect with someone.

Frankly at first I've felt a bit overwhelmed: there are a lot of people looking to connect out there. Ideally, of course you hope to connect with someone geographically near you, but it doesn't always work out that way.

Last night I had a surprise. I won't say unexpected surprise because a surprise is supposed to be inherently unexpected.

Anyway around 12:30 AM I was just perusing who was online from around the world on Mate1.com. I saw this cute girl and checked out her profile. I was about to click away when completely on impulse I sent her an invitation to chat. She replied yes, and like to strangers we began the cautious dance of little questions and answers that led to exchanging points-of-view and longer responses. This led to exchanging thoughts and feelings about so many things. Next thing I know it's 5:30 AM!

Now I know communicating online even after you've exchanged pictures (which we did) can create a false sense of connection and emotional intimacy. Your imagination is filling in gaps in that person's character and how they behave and how they express themselves because you're not face-to-face.

Even so I felt something. I did my best to be open and honest with her in regard to many of the things she asked me and I feel she reciprocated. We shared some pretty personal feelings, things you quite likely might not say face-to-face unless you felt that connection.

We've made a virtual date for this afternoon. She is five hours ahead of me in Europe and when I go online at 3 or 4PM here it'll be mid evening for her.

I went to bed distracted after we stopped talking. And since I've gotten up I'm still distracted. I keep thinking about the long odds of connecting with someone from a first simple impulse. I admit I look forward to speaking with her again and I may even be a little anxious. If this pans out then I'm going to try hooking up a webcam and speaker/microphone system on this end and hopefully she could do the same.

I can't stop wondering about her own little mannerisms and how she must speak and what her voice could sound like. I do know that today something is different, different in the thought that maybe there could be someone out there thinking about me unlike the days before.

It's weird and wonderful and I'm not sure what to make of it.

 

[Shikarnov]

It's possible, but take it offline as soon as possible. The longer a relationship remains exclusively online, the harder it will be to make the transition to the real world.

ETA: That's assuming you're an adult and in full control over your actions and cognizant of your safety. Otherwise, check with Mom and/or Dad to seek advice about the shemale pedophile axe murderer that you might be meeting.

 

[Lindley]

 

[Warped9]

It's possible, but take it offline as soon as possible. The longer a relationship remains exclusively online, the harder it will be to make the transition to the real world.

ETA: That's assuming you're an adult and in full control over your actions and cognizant of your safety. Otherwise, check with Mom and/or Dad to seek advice about the shemale pedophile axe murderer that you might be meeting.

I'm 50 years old.

 

[Shikarnov]

It's possible, but take it offline as soon as possible. The longer a relationship remains exclusively online, the harder it will be to make the transition to the real world.

ETA: That's assuming you're an adult and in full control over your actions and cognizant of your safety. Otherwise, check with Mom and/or Dad to seek advice about the shemale pedophile axe murderer that you might be meeting.

I'm 50 years old.

Then consider the ETA a disclaimer for the kiddies who might get bad ideas My advice for you is to get your visa (if necessary) and go take your lady out on a proper date. You'll know quickly enough if it's real, or a flash in the pan. I've been where you are -- and even if it doesn't work, it's worth every penny.

 

[ThankQ]

I've never thought of it, but I guess you can fall in love online. I mean, I didn't fall in love with Carl Sagan till after he died.

 

[indranee]

yes, it can happen. but as was said upthread, take it offline asap and go from there.

 

[Kestra]

It can happen, but it sounds like infatuation right now and it might be awhile before you really know your own feelings (and the other person). Get to know her more and don't get into something that you're not willing to follow through on offline.

But yes, you can fall in love online.

 

[SeerSGB]

I met my wife online, I know a lot of people that met their spouses/current partners online. But it is hard work, and if you're prone to trust issues it's not really a good fit-- especially if distance is such that you can't regularly see the person more than once every few weeks or so.

 

[Shazam!]

Of course you can. It's just another communications medium. I fell for someone via text messaging when that was all the rage about a decade ago.

I'm fairly close to falling for someone online now. I knew her in real life because she dated my best friend (which is an added complication) but we've been chatting online which has intensified these last few weeks. I get the feeling that a decision is going to be made one way or the other pretty soon.

 

[Zulu Romeo]

It's a new Century. People are networking in different ways to how they used to 20 years ago. Computers and the Internet, for better or for worse (some could argue for either), have taken over our social lives as well as our working lives now and made the world appear smaller than it actually is. Not really different to how people talked to, fell in love, and broke up, via the humble telephone - I mean, the telephone even inspired a rash of pop songs about love on the telephone some 25-30 years ago and ever since, although on the other hand love songs about the Internet have been a bit slower on the uptake, at least from my perspective. Young minds, fresh ideas, and all that.

 

[Shazam!]

although on the other hand love songs about the Internet have been a bit slower on the uptake

http://newzealandstory.bandcamp.com/track/i-like-you-lets-do-this

 

[RJDiogenes]

Of course it's possible to fall in love online. It's just like falling in love with a Pen Pal, just with more electrons.

A couple of friends of mine who met online-- who I also met online-- just recently got married.

Love is everywhere.

 

[The Boy Who Cried Worf]

Well I did. I met my girlfriend when she e-mailed me one day. Exchanging e-mails turned to IM'ing. The first time we IM'ed we were on-line for seven hours. After about two or three months I knew the person I was talking to was someone very special and I had real feelings and it was mutual.

The in-person follow-up can be a different matter though. It took us about three years and about 20 break-ups (I call them break-ups, she calls them bumps in the road) to finally smooth out the path in front of us. So yeah I am sure she is a cute,wonderful girl, but remember you are not really a couple until you are yelling at each other about all your little idiosyncrasies.

 

[Warped9]

I see it as really no more and no less luck of the draw as meeting people in your neighbourhood. The sweet girl next door can seem the nicest one until three months later she turns into psycho-chick.

I've known people who've dated for years, got married then broke up before you knew it. And others who married within a year or less of meeting and our still together. There doesn't seem to be a real pattern because there are so many variables.

It's also like stereotypes that attractive men and women couldn't possibly be lonely because they can have their pick of willing suitors. Yet I have heard of very attractive men and women being very lonely because of the cliched expectations many others have of them.

At this point I like this woman very much. We've spoken three separate times so far. I don't know when we'll be able to meet, but I do find myself looking forward to it. And I suppose it is quite possible that the one for you is not just around the corner even though that would be very nice.

 

[StarryEyed]

Have you made sure that she is a TOS fan and thinks everything that came later is sacrilege?

 

[Teelie]

I met my wife online too. I'd say ignore all the exaggerated claims of the psycho killer you meet online but do keep in mind not everyone you meet (regardless of where or how) is always who they claim either.

 

[MANT!]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N33q303jSy0

 

[Warped9]

Have you made sure that she is a TOS fan and thinks everything that came later is sacrilege?

Hasn't come up.

 

[Danoz]

If you're looking for a vote of confidence you definitely have it. Relationships that start "in person" are just as prone to deception as "online." You made a connection-- and now the next step is to meet in person.

"Love" is an intangible concept that we attach to our human relationships-- it is a feeling. I always find it interesting when people look for outside understanding to legitimize their own feelings on how to apply the word. You know how you feel . Good luck!