Books That Would Not Sell ~ Star Trek Style!

[WendyNotsid]

Okay, this is basically a game where we come up with ridiculous titles for books that a particular character would write. It has to be a book that they should never write, or totally should write. I've done this on the Glee Boards on IMDB, and it's a lot of fun.

How to Foresee the EPIC Foreshadowing Involving Your Name and Destination by Adam the Space Hippie

Picking the Right Men by Christine Chapel

I am Vulcan (And So Can You!) by Spock

101 Back-handed Compliments and Insults by Spock

How to Hide the Fact that You Secretly Have More Game Than Your Captain by Spock

Hos All Be Up in My Junk! by Spock

How to Raise and Relate to Your Sons by Sarek

Pronouncing Vulcan Surnames by Amanda Grayson

All the Things I'm Not (Dammit Jim!) by Leonard "Bones" McCoy, M.D.

Long Term Relationships: How to Make Them Work for You by James Tiberius Kirk

Finding the Right Rug (I'm Talking About FLOORS) by James Tiberius Kirk

Dancing With Dwarves by James Tiberius Kirk

Take One Down, Pass It Around by the Federation Red Shirts Union

Sorry Fangirls, I Don't Boink EVERYTHING that Walks by James Tiberius Kirk

...Okay... None of those were all that clever. But I'm sure you guys could come up with something much better.

 

[Christopher]

How to Get Ahead in Starfleet by Dr. Janice Lester

A History of Russian Inwention by Pavel Andreievich Chekov

I Am Not D'Artagnan by Hikaru Sulu

 

[Smellincoffee]

Moonlighting: How You Can Be a Doctor And a Moon-Shuttle Conductor/Bricklayer/Engineer; Dr. Leonard McCoy
Breaking the Laws of Physics, Montgomery Scott
Beam Me Up, Mr. Scott: In Praise of Transporters, Dr. Leonard McCoy
Behind the Desk: Why I Miss the Admiralty, James Kirk
Resisting Temptation, Marla McGivers

 

[scotpens]

Streamlining Your Workforce: How to Eliminate Unnecessary Personnel by Rojan the Kelvan

Throwing the Ultimate Party by Landru

Fizzbin: The Complete Rules of Play (Vols. 1–25)

Why Can't We All Just Get Along? by Bele and Lokai of Cheron

Sensible Hair Styles for the On-the-Go Working Girl by Yeoman Janice Rand

 

[DrCorby]

Sleep Your Way to the Top: The Complete Captain's Woman Handbook by Lt. Marlena Moreau, ISS Enterprise

The Care and Feeding of Tribbles by Cyrano Jones

Proper Prime Directive Protocols by Captain R.M. Merik, S.S. Beagle

How to Win Friends and Influence People by Bela Oxmyx

Business Ethics 101 by Harcourt Fenton Mudd

Choosing the Right Man by Rayna Kapec (#17)

To Thine Own Self Be True: Governing in Tough Times by Kodos of Tarsus IV

 

[Warped9]

^^ All of them are awesome!

 

[DrCorby]

Should have thought of this originally, given my avatar name...

Ghost in the Machine by Dr. Roger Corby

 

[Christopher]

Putting Loyalty Before Love by Marla McGivers, Carolyn Palamas, and Marlena Moreau

Diagnosing Visual Impairment in Vulcanoids by Leonard McCoy, M.D.

Drink Responsibly by Tomar of Kelva

When I Came Aboard by Charlie Evans

Size Doesn't Matter by Dr. Stavos Keniclius

Don't Lose Your Head by Ari bn Bem

 

[DrCorby]

Going animated, hmm? OK...

Sympathy for the Devil by Lucien of Megas-Tu

Forgotten Andorians of Starfleet by Commander Thelin

Insane Computers and Space Brains: A Memoir by Robert Wesley

 

[Warped9]

Keeping It Real by Dr. Janice Lester.

A Successful Career In Security by Lt. Leslie.

Managing People Successfully by Klingon Commander Kor.

A Comprehensive Guide To Diplomacy by Mongomery Scott.

Winning People Over by Harcourt F. Mudd.

Getting The Most Out Of Your Job by Nyota Uhura.

Make Any Woman Yours by "I, Rock" Spock.

The Galaxy's Best Pets by Korax and Arne Darvin.

Advanced Medicine Made Easy by Nomad/Tanru.

Putting People First by M5

Reaching You Inner Sensitive by Khan N. Singh.

The Art Of Politics by Colonel Green and Kahless the Unforgettable.

 

[Christopher]

Five Steps to Softer Skin by Yarnek and Horta

More Things I'm Sick and Tired Of by Lt. Boma

Be Yourself! by Balok

Cooking Tasty Meals by Trelane

Make Your Computer Crash-proof! by Norman

Constitutional Interpretation by Cloud William

An Independent Woman by Drusilla

Don't Rush Into Marriage by Natira

Dohlman Elaan's Guide to Etiquette

I am Spock -- Not! by Henoch

 

[Warped9]

I am Spock -- Not! by Henoch

 

[kkozoriz1]

Keeping Your Advanced Computer System Running Smoothly by James T. Kirk

Fatherhood - James T. Kirk & Sarek of Vulcan

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

They See Me Rollin', They Hatin': The Autobiography of Christopher Pike

Call Me 'President Logan' One More Time And I'll Break Your Neck by Admiral Black

Smack My Bitch Up, Yo by the Enterprise Computer (post-Cygnet XIV)

I Want Your Dawggies by Kathryn Janeway

 

[kkozoriz1]

Aerodynamics of Plomeek Soup by Spock

How to Make Friends Through Song by Kevin Riley

 

[Nerys Myk]

Meeting Khan, by Pavel Chekov.

Fascism for Dummies, by Prof. John Gill.

Mr Scotts Guide to Dating. by Montgomery Scott

Modern Etiquette, by Elaan of Troyius.

Respect My Authority, by Landru and Vaal.

Power and Responsibility by Gary Mitchell and Charles Evans.

Parent and Child by Gorgon, the Friendly Angel

 

[kkozoriz1]

Acid, Rock by The Horta

 

[Silvercrest]

My Mother, Myself by Deanna Troi

The Outsiders, by Charlie Evans

How to Win Friends and Influence People, by Captain Edward Jellico

People First, by Richard Daystrom

All the President's Men, by Admiral Lance Cartwright

How to Win at World of Warcraft, by Ayelborne, Claymare, and Trefayne

Slaughterhouse Five, by Mea 3 and Anan 7

Mein Kampf, by Khan Noonien Singh

When Worlds Collide, by Kirok

Run Silent, Run Deep, by Admiral Eric Pressman

Sleeping With the Enemy, by Commander Liviana Charvanek

 

[Christopher]

I thought we were only doing TOS here, given what forum we're in. Should there be one such thread for each series forum?

 

[Warped9]

Why We Need The Prime Directive by J. R. Kirk.

Great Jam Sessions by Spock.

Finding Enlightenment by Dr. Sevrin.

Inner Demons And Inner Peace by Dr. Tristan Adams.

What Is Brain? by the Eymorg Girls.

Fulfilling Want And Desire by Alice's 37 to 502

My Wandering Husband by Stella Mudd.