Bitterness and Jealousy

[Gryffindorian]

Wow, it feels like it's been ages since I checked in. I recently got back from a three-day weekend in Vegas with my brother. He and I stayed at the Caesars Palace for three days and two nights as part of a mini-vacation package. It was quite exhausting, but we surely had lots of fun--tried a buffet restaurant, saw an adult show, toured most of the hotels/resorts. It was a very memorable trip.

Anyway, lately I've been connecting with more and more old acquaintance via Facebook. I've sent and accepted Friend Requests to and from elementary and high-school classmates/friends of mine whom I haven't seen in years, and it's quite good to hear from them again. I admit, though, there are some people I'd rather not have contact with. I made it clear in one of my updates, "I just realized how much I hated other people's guts back then [old classmates and teachers], and I'm glad they're not my contacts on FB!"

Having said that, I recently befriended an old high-school classmate of mine, a lady who now works as a nurse in L.A. and married to another old classmate of mine. She recently sent me a private message asking where I lived and whether I'd be interested in doing a "mini-class reunion" with other classmates currently living in California. Now granted, these people were originally from another country who, like me, migrated to the U.S. I'm surprised to learn some of them have been living in this country for a number of years now.

I'm really feeling quite reluctant to join them, but for now I told "Shaundra" I'd be interested in any lunch or dinner get-together. Shaundra seems like a nice lady, though we didn't always see eye-to-eye back then. The others were just "okay" in my opinion. They were certainly not my friends, but that's not to say I hated them back in high school.

The other reason I have is that they seem to be doing really well in life and have better-paying jobs than I do! I don't seem to sound jealous or bitter, but I don't think I'd like to get together with a bunch of old school acquaintance for the sake of comparing who's got bigger paychecks and better lifestyles. I'm not exactly doing bad career-wise and financially, but there's that sense of "competition" and arrogance, especially amongst a group of immigrants.

Have you ever felt influenced by the successes or failures of your peers in life? I've never attended a formal high-school reunion before, but I joined a smaller group event with people whom I really liked, and there was no hassle. Sorry for the long read ...

 

[Jetfire]

My life sucks and is an utter disaster...so I always feel bad when I run into old class-mates and they have it all it seems.

I graduated in 1996 and in 2006 I was worse off then I was in 96'...these kinda things just make me want to crawl under something and die.

 

[Too Much Fun]

The other reason I have is that they seem to be doing really well in life and have better-paying jobs than I do! I don't seem to sound jealous or bitter, but I don't think I'd like to get together with a bunch of old school acquaintance for the sake of comparing who's got bigger paychecks and better lifestyles. I'm not exactly doing bad career-wise and financially, but there's that sense of "competition" and arrogance, especially amongst a group of immigrants.

Have you ever felt influenced by the successes or failures of your peers in life? I've never attended a formal high-school reunion before, but I joined a smaller group event with people whom I really liked, and there was no hassle. Sorry for the long read ...

Yeah, this is a big reason why I don't do Facebook. I'm struggling with a lot of that jealousy stuff lately. Mostly because of friends getting married and finding their perfect careers. I can't think of many things that would be more depressing than being stuck with a huge group of people (who aren't even necessarily close friends) who all have those things when I don't. It's good to know others can relate.

 

[AstroSmurf]

To be honest I have not. Actually I have no feelings either way about my old classmates. I guess age and time have tempered my feelings toward many of them, even the ones that made my life a living hell. Over the last three years I have reconnected with many of them and found that they had grown up too. You never know who people are until you step into their shoes and walk around a bit. Sadly teenagers do not have this ability and we are forced to apologize later for that failing.

I am also one of those weird animals that doesn't really care what others think of me though. If I did, I wouldn't be carrying a tin "Empire Strikes Back" lunchbox with me to work everyday. Due to that, I may not be the best place to look for advice.

 

[Angela 0077]

Yes Class reunions .

I have one coming up in November and l have been asked to jion them for a get together at my old school.
I didnt like many of thenm when l did go to school and they were or mostly bullys
I am still deciding but l think l might stay away
We were the first students at this school before it was built at its current location.
I have seen a few of them around on my travels and they all want to get together alot have been contacted by facebook by one of my former freinds l havent seen her in ages since l was a teenager.

 

[Gryffindorian]

Great feeedback, everyone.

AS, I wish I could be more like you in terms of how I react to certain situations. I'm not totally petty or jealous when it comes to such things. In fact, I'm not really jealous of other people; I'm happy to hear that old friends and schoolmates of mine are now married and have families of their own. A lot of my old friends living in another country love to stay in touch and often get together for reunions. I've even thought about traveling abroad to see them. It's this other group in California that I feel iffy about. I only went to school with them for one year; the other folks, I basically grew up with.

We'll see how this goes, though I doubt I'll be meeting up with them anytime soon.

 

[Scout101]

No jealousy or anxiety. I'm the one they're jealous of

 

[Angela 0077]

Yes it would be interesting to see how you go with going to your school reunion.

Dont you find it scary knowing that you have not seen them in such a long while.
I know l am scared and l dont want to be judged by others and like you said if your life is happy why be bothered with this.
I think it would upset me if l went but then the other side would like to know if they are married and happy.
It is confusing
I primised myself years ago that l would never go and see them in a reunion
What they did to em was terrible and l know people change over the years but you always remember the past

 

[Goji]

A number of people from high school and earlier have added me on Facebook, but I don't talk to any of them and their updates, for whatever reason, don't appear on my newsfeed very often. I do keep in touch with my college friends, some more than others, but we're all still in the same boat since it hasn't been very long since we graduated. But even in a few years, I don't think I'll have much reason to be jealous of them.

Bitterness is another thing entirely. I was born bitter.

 

[Kestra]

I get jealous for brief periods of time, but they usually pass quickly. It's more of a sense of insecurity for me, than envy or bitterness. Everyone I grew up with and all of my college friends are doctors or lawyers (including my own siblings!). Meanwhile, I'm just now going back to school to get a bachelors in Psychology.

It used to get to me a lot more. And Facebook too, all those bright shiny smiley status updates. But I think it's just about being comfortable in your own skin and secure with your own place in life. In a way, going off the path has been very freeing for me. Even if I were to become a doctor, there would always be more things to compare (what specialty, location of residency, etc.). Same goes with pretty much any profession, I think.

The point is to stop comparing. On the surface, someone might have a lot of things going for them but you don't know what's going on in the background. And focus on obtaining your own goals instead of worrying that others have reached theirs. If others want to play the game, that's fine. You don't need to.

 

[sojourner]

You say all of these classmates are from another country? Are you sure she isn't trying to recruit you for a terrorist cell?

 

[Wynterhawk]

The point is to stop comparing. On the surface, someone might have a lot of things going for them but you don't know what's going on in the background. And focus on obtaining your own goals instead of worrying that others have reached theirs. If others want to play the game, that's fine. You don't need to.

I was just going to say something along these lines, but you've said it better.

As for people from old schools, I didn't and don't care about them to reconnect. I wouldn't go to reunions for the same reason; I don't care enough about them to want to know how they're doing.

 

[mimic]

I was at a get-together with some high school friends last Christmas where I definitely felt a little inferior in comparison to my old classmates.

Turns out they had:
1. Graduated as #1 in the Jerome Fisher program at UPenn, currently working for the Blackstone Group in NYC
2. Graduated from Stanford and was working for a firm in Chicago, making enough to buy some really fancy photography equipment
3. Graduated from UPenn and going to Harvard for an MD/PhD
4. Senior at Princeton
5. Graduated from Cornell, getting a PhD in Physics from Princeton
6. Graduated from Tufts, getting a PhD in Biochemistry from UCSD
7. Graduated from Notre Dame, doing a fellowship somewhere in England

And there I was, getting a M.Ed from Penn State in order to teach high school chemistry

So sure, I felt like an underachiever in comparison. And frankly, this summer during a particularly unsuccessful stretch of my job search I did not want to talk to anyone because I felt like a failure. Thankfully that's over now, and I feel pretty good about my life.

 

[kimc]

Have you ever felt influenced by the successes or failures of your peers in life? I've never attended a formal high-school reunion before, but I joined a smaller group event with people whom I really liked, and there was no hassle. Sorry for the long read ...

When I catch up with folks from the past it's always about their kids and what they're doing. Sure, I'm not married and don't have kids but I figure I'm making the best of being single. Perhaps some day I'll settle down and have "taco night" but in the meantime I have opportunities to travel, a good job, my own house, etc. It's not so bad...

 

[Captain_Nick]

Have you ever felt influenced by the successes or failures of your peers in life?

No. Jeez dude lighten up. You should worry about your own life and let other people do what they will. If you are not happy with your career or finance or whatever you should do whatever you can to improve. If you are happy, on the other hand, you wouldn't or shouldn't be comparing yourself to your old classmates.

You should find some professional athlete or sporting team to follow. They really have the right idea when it comes to this sort of attitude stuff.

 

[Rett Mikhal]

Facebook is the root of all jealousy. If you cut it out of your life you will be much happier.

 

[Mr Awe]

I went to my 20th reunion a couple of years back. It was my first reunion and I didn't know what to expect. I generally don't think of my HS classmates one way or another nowadays. Although, I generally enjoyed HS back in the day. I didn't think it would be a bad experience but wasn't sure if it would be worth a trip across the country.

At any rate, I went and had a blast! Talked to lots of people. Some were the predictable old friends that I wanted to catch up with. But, there were also the people I didn't really talk to back then but had great conversations with at the reunion. That made me wish I knew them better back then! I was so glad that I went.

I think it depends on the attitude that you go with. If you're going to hold onto the old cliques and grudges, there's no point. But, if you just want to go, have some fun, reminisce, and catchup with everyone, go for it! It's more your attitude I think.

Mr Awe

 

[TheBrew]

I'm looking forward to my class reunion next year. I sort of dropped off the face of the earth and I would like to catch with people plus see their reactions when I tell them what I've been up to.

 

[GMac]

I'm still a teensy bit bitter about how I was canned from my last job, but I've never been one for jealousy - life's too short to get wound up about how your former classmates from school & university have got on in life. After all (to quote a certain 80s song I'm quite fond of) "life's what you make it". I know from Friends Reunited what some of my old school classmates are doing - several went on to become police officers or teachers, one's a vicar in the Home Counties, another is an accountant, one played professional football (soccer) for Oldham and one's a film writer who won an Oscar in 2008!! Haven't kept in touch with many of them though (I think I've got two on Facebook and one's only there because I went on to work with his wife in my last job), so I doubt I'd be overly interested in any class reunions. Be interested to see what happened to some of the old university crowd though, as I lost touch with pretty much all of them within a few years of graduating....

GM

 

[Gryffindorian]

I didn't mean to sound negative when I first started the thread. I don't think I'm jealous of other people's accomplishments. Sure, it would be nice to have Brad Pitt's lifestyle, but I'm quite happy with my own life.

This isn't exactly a big reunion, and it's still in the planning stages. I only went to school with this group for one year before I came to California. I think I got along pretty well with most of them. On the other hand, the high-school classmates I had here in CA were a mixed bag. Some were nice; others were douchebags and bitches. Even then, I was sort of a loner and didn't hang out much with peers. I haven't even bothered to initiate contact with any of them all these years.

Recently, I got an e-mail from a close friend of mine. "There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who doesn't anymore, and who always will. There's a reason people from your past never made it to your present."