As a child of the Eighties, I consider myself a blessed person. I got to grow up in a world where the original 'Star Wars' trilogy was the ultimate film-going experience and had not yet been tampered with or tarnished by George Lucas' later digital tinkering and sub-par prequels. I grew up with the greatest animated cartoons and toys to ever be developed; no crappy 'Digi-Mon' or 'DragonBall Z' will ever surpass the total awesome-ness that is generation one 'Transformers' and 'G.I. Joe'. And what I appreciate the most about being a child of the 80s is being in the front row of history as technological revolution after technological revolution gave us such wonders as: the VCR, the Walkman, the CD player, the personal computer, the DVD player, the Internet, the plasma TV, the video game console and finally – above all – the cellular telephone.
The cellular telephone has become not only a way to communicate with people while on the move, but it has also become a showcase of man's greatest technological achievements that so conveniently fits right in the palm of your hand! Think about this for a minute – take all the great inventions of the last 25 years that I listed above: video players, video games, music players, TV, computers, the Internet. Now take a look at that cell phone in your pocket. Chances are, if that phone was made in the last year, it can do everything that those great past inventions did on their own! The modern cell phone is, quite literally, a tech-gadget hall of fame that gives users the ability to do things that Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock only dreamed their communicators could do in 1966!
So, with such wonderful technology at our fingertips you'd think that the world is a wonderful place and that I'm happy with modern life. But you'd be wrong, and therein lies the conundrum that inspired me to write this manifesto to the wireless service providers. The men and women who design the wonderful cell phones that I am in awe of are geniuses, and I love them. The pinhead service representatives and wireless network providers that you have to endure and tolerate in order to use the wonderful cell phones are not. They take everything great about cell phones and rips the fun right out of them.
Now, before I start bashing the wireless providers too much, I have to admit that they do some good things. For the most part, their wireless networks provide an invaluable service allowing us to communicate wherever we are and almost anywhere we might have to go. They also have single-handedly removed the term 'long distance rate' from our vocabulary. Not to mention how nice it is to think about never having a land-line and never having to take a telemarketing call ever again. The network Providers are no slouches either, always keeping an ear to the ground and providing new service plans that the people want. But therein lies the rub: new service plans...
Have you ever tried to upgrade or change your existing account with your current provider? Have you ever tried to upgrade to a newer phone with your current provider? I have. And unless I'm just not getting it, it is pure torture! Just follow this scenario: you bought a cell phone with a one-year commitment. It was just a basic run-of-the-mill phone, no bells or whistles, bit it got the job done. The year passes and now you're the equivalent of a free agent – you can stick with your current provider or take a look at the other guys and see what they're offering. Not a bad position to be in. But what if you're happy with your provider and just want to upgrade to a newer phone that has all the new features? You'd think your provider would appreciate your loyalty and offer you the best deals available. Well, they don't.
Oh sure, they say that you get like a hundred and fifty bucks off the price of a new phone, but that's off the full retail price of a new phone, which is generally a whole hundred dollars more than the price they're offering new subscribers. So you stick with your tired old basic phone because you don't have the cash on hand to buy a new $100 phone. Then, by chance, you see that a competing provider is offering a new phone with all the fancy features you have been craving. Not only that, but if you sign with them for a year or two, you don't pay a dime for it! Well thank God for the legislature for forcing the providers to make cell phone numbers portable, because I picked the new company with the free phone! I just hate having to call everyone I know and tell them my new contact information.
Well, you'd think that would be the worst, right? Wrong. Take the scenario I just mentioned and throw in the additional adventure of falling in love and getting married while you are committed to a wireless provider. Now you're with your new spouse, but you still have a service plan meant for a single user. Don't you think that it should be easy to call up your provider and change your current plan to a shared plan and add a line? Well it's not...
You and your sweety want to buy new matching phones with your current provider and keep your number? According to a representative of my provider you can't do that either! Your only option is to completely cancel your single service, lose your number and buy a completely new shared plan! Oh, and don't forget to have your significant other order the new plan, otherwise the provider might get wise to you and not let you make use of that buy-one-phone-get-one-free deal that they're advertising to new subscribers!
So, after reading all this, I hope you now have the same question for the wireless service providers that I have: 'what the hell?!?' Why do you roll out the red carpet for new customers but treat your existing customers like slaves? Why do you make it so hard for existing customers to upgrade or change phones or plans and yet make it so easy for people to just port their number to another provider? Don't you like repeat business? Don't you like customer loyalty? Apparently they don't...
I propose this to all the wireless network providers: cut the bull. Stop treating your customers worse than prospective new buyers. You offer a fancy new phone for free to new subscribers? You damn well better give me the same deal. You start offering a plan that lets people call their top five friends for free? Let me switch to that plan without forcing me to pay through the nose for a new phone and lose my current number! What makes you so special that you don't feel the need to keep customers loyal to you when every other business works their asses off to get customers to come back? Why do you set things up so that your current customers are forced to leave you just so they can get a good deal? It makes no sense!
Think about it, wireless providers. Please stop making it so hard for your customers to show you a little loyalty. The cell phone makers work so hard to make the coolest phones around, and you work hard to make sure that you get those phones so the people will come to you. So why do you force away the people who are already with you? Come on, change your game plan. Bring back the fun in buying a new cell phone!
The cellular telephone has become not only a way to communicate with people while on the move, but it has also become a showcase of man's greatest technological achievements that so conveniently fits right in the palm of your hand! Think about this for a minute – take all the great inventions of the last 25 years that I listed above: video players, video games, music players, TV, computers, the Internet. Now take a look at that cell phone in your pocket. Chances are, if that phone was made in the last year, it can do everything that those great past inventions did on their own! The modern cell phone is, quite literally, a tech-gadget hall of fame that gives users the ability to do things that Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock only dreamed their communicators could do in 1966!
So, with such wonderful technology at our fingertips you'd think that the world is a wonderful place and that I'm happy with modern life. But you'd be wrong, and therein lies the conundrum that inspired me to write this manifesto to the wireless service providers. The men and women who design the wonderful cell phones that I am in awe of are geniuses, and I love them. The pinhead service representatives and wireless network providers that you have to endure and tolerate in order to use the wonderful cell phones are not. They take everything great about cell phones and rips the fun right out of them.
Now, before I start bashing the wireless providers too much, I have to admit that they do some good things. For the most part, their wireless networks provide an invaluable service allowing us to communicate wherever we are and almost anywhere we might have to go. They also have single-handedly removed the term 'long distance rate' from our vocabulary. Not to mention how nice it is to think about never having a land-line and never having to take a telemarketing call ever again. The network Providers are no slouches either, always keeping an ear to the ground and providing new service plans that the people want. But therein lies the rub: new service plans...
Have you ever tried to upgrade or change your existing account with your current provider? Have you ever tried to upgrade to a newer phone with your current provider? I have. And unless I'm just not getting it, it is pure torture! Just follow this scenario: you bought a cell phone with a one-year commitment. It was just a basic run-of-the-mill phone, no bells or whistles, bit it got the job done. The year passes and now you're the equivalent of a free agent – you can stick with your current provider or take a look at the other guys and see what they're offering. Not a bad position to be in. But what if you're happy with your provider and just want to upgrade to a newer phone that has all the new features? You'd think your provider would appreciate your loyalty and offer you the best deals available. Well, they don't.
Oh sure, they say that you get like a hundred and fifty bucks off the price of a new phone, but that's off the full retail price of a new phone, which is generally a whole hundred dollars more than the price they're offering new subscribers. So you stick with your tired old basic phone because you don't have the cash on hand to buy a new $100 phone. Then, by chance, you see that a competing provider is offering a new phone with all the fancy features you have been craving. Not only that, but if you sign with them for a year or two, you don't pay a dime for it! Well thank God for the legislature for forcing the providers to make cell phone numbers portable, because I picked the new company with the free phone! I just hate having to call everyone I know and tell them my new contact information.
Well, you'd think that would be the worst, right? Wrong. Take the scenario I just mentioned and throw in the additional adventure of falling in love and getting married while you are committed to a wireless provider. Now you're with your new spouse, but you still have a service plan meant for a single user. Don't you think that it should be easy to call up your provider and change your current plan to a shared plan and add a line? Well it's not...
You and your sweety want to buy new matching phones with your current provider and keep your number? According to a representative of my provider you can't do that either! Your only option is to completely cancel your single service, lose your number and buy a completely new shared plan! Oh, and don't forget to have your significant other order the new plan, otherwise the provider might get wise to you and not let you make use of that buy-one-phone-get-one-free deal that they're advertising to new subscribers!
So, after reading all this, I hope you now have the same question for the wireless service providers that I have: 'what the hell?!?' Why do you roll out the red carpet for new customers but treat your existing customers like slaves? Why do you make it so hard for existing customers to upgrade or change phones or plans and yet make it so easy for people to just port their number to another provider? Don't you like repeat business? Don't you like customer loyalty? Apparently they don't...
I propose this to all the wireless network providers: cut the bull. Stop treating your customers worse than prospective new buyers. You offer a fancy new phone for free to new subscribers? You damn well better give me the same deal. You start offering a plan that lets people call their top five friends for free? Let me switch to that plan without forcing me to pay through the nose for a new phone and lose my current number! What makes you so special that you don't feel the need to keep customers loyal to you when every other business works their asses off to get customers to come back? Why do you set things up so that your current customers are forced to leave you just so they can get a good deal? It makes no sense!
Think about it, wireless providers. Please stop making it so hard for your customers to show you a little loyalty. The cell phone makers work so hard to make the coolest phones around, and you work hard to make sure that you get those phones so the people will come to you. So why do you force away the people who are already with you? Come on, change your game plan. Bring back the fun in buying a new cell phone!
