Advice, please

[Miss Chicken]

My uncle has just died and his funeral might be on Saturday (we aren't actually sure yet).

My son's 30th birthday party is on Saturday (at 2pm) and I have been planning it for weeks. I have 20-25 people coming and have ordered all the food.

If the funeral is on the same day what do you think I should do? Cancel the party? Not go to the funeral? Ask a friend to conduct the party while I go to the funeral?

 

[Captain_Nick]

That's a tough one. I would lean towards attending the funeral and either postponing the party or having someone else run the show. It's your only chance to pay last respects to the dead man.

 

[SVD]

That's a tough one. I would lean towards attending the funeral and either postponing the party or having someone else run the show. It's your only chance to pay last respects to the dead man.

Seconded, only flat postpone the party. I know that, if I was in your son's shoes, I'd go with you to the funeral. The funeral would make the party too bitter, and I'd be guilty of selfishness for wanting/attending the party.

 

[Miss Chicken]

My son is intellectually disabled and the only funeral he has been to was his grandfather (which was a very small family affair). My uncle's funeral will much larger and I don't think my son would cope well with a lot of people around. Besides my son barely knew my uncle.

 

[All Seeing Eye]

Continue with the party, if you're that bothered about showing last respects then by all means visit his grave the following day. Too much time and effort has been put into the party it would seem and it's not fair IMO on your son to cancel it nor is it fair on all the people who have arranged to make sure they are available that Saturday and who are probably looking forward to it.
It is not disrespectful to continue with the party, if the uncle was a good man then wherever he is now I'm sure he'd rather you give your son the party, I know I would.
It's not as though nobody will be turning up to his funeral.

 

[RJDiogenes]

I think it's okay to go on with the party, given all the expense and the number of people coming; you could just ask somebody else to oversee things until you get home from the funeral.

 

[Robert Maxwell]

Yeah, keep the party, go to the funeral if you want, leaving the party in someone else's hands until you get back. I definitely don't think it's fair to have your son postpone his party, which a lot of effort has gone into, for the sake of someone he barely even knew.

 

[LOKAI of CHERON]

I'd do both.

 

[Captain Ice]

I think it's okay to go on with the party, given all the expense and the number of people coming; you could just ask somebody else to oversee things until you get home from the funeral.

This is what I'd look into first.

 

[SmoothieX]

Your son's 30th birthday happens once. Your uncle will still be dead next week.

I say go ahead with the party.

 

[Australis]

Funerals are rarely held on weekends. It might be on the Friday (rereads post). No, too soon. I'd say Saturday is too soon as well, normally these things take a few days to organise.

If it is on Saturday, I wouldn't postpone the party, just slip away for a couple of hours. Your son and your family would appreciate that, though it might be a bit hard on you. Take care.

 

[JarodRussell]

I would say celebrate the living.

 

[Yeoman Randi]

Miss Chicken, my sincere condolences on the loss of your uncle.

If you can do both i would, maybe skipping the actual burial and just attending the service. That would probably only be an hour or so, right? Will there be many people at the funeral that would have been at your son's party?

 

[Naira]

From what I understand the party guests do not overlap with the people attending the funeral so the party won't have any sadness hanging over it. Therefore, I think your son should have his party. As other people suggested, try finding someone to take over the party for as long as you have to be absent and try not to spend more time at the funeral than needed.

 

[Holdfast]

My uncle has just died and his funeral might be on Saturday (we aren't actually sure yet).

My son's 30th birthday party is on Saturday (at 2pm) and I have been planning it for weeks. I have 20-25 people coming and have ordered all the food.

If the funeral is on the same day what do you think I should do? Cancel the party? Not go to the funeral? Ask a friend to conduct the party while I go to the funeral?

The cheeky part of me is honour-bound to suggest making it a theme party, with the theme being "a wake".

The more helpful side of me would suggest you put the dilemma not to us, but to your son, and see what he suggests. That might solve the problem for you, though that depends on how intellectually disabled he is.

 

[Miss Chicken]

My mother has just phoned and told me the funeral is on Friday at 10.30.

Funerals are rarely held on weekends. It might be on the Friday (rereads post). No, too soon. I'd say Saturday is too soon as well, normally these things take a few days to organise.
.

I have been to at least one funeral, possible two funerals on a Saturday. Saturday funerals might be more common in Hobart as we only have one major cemetery (that is still in regular use) and only one crematory (and many funerals are conducted in this crematory's chapel as it is cheaper option than having the funeral at a funeral home).

My uncle died on Monday night and his funeral is on Friday morning, three and a half days later. Maybe I should have said 'just died' in my OP as my uncle had died about 36 hours before.

 

[Mary Ann]

I second Holdfast's suggestion to ask your son what he would like you to do. If posponing the party will upset him then I suggest you go ahead with his party. Your son's wellbeing is more important, to be frank.

 

[Angela 0077]

I would have to say that if you were very close to your Uncle you should attend the funeral.
You could celebrate your sons birthday the next day.
Goodluck to what ever you decide because it is a very hard decision to make.

 

[SVD]

...flat postpone the party. I know that, if I was in your son's shoes, I'd go with you to the funeral. The funeral would make the party too bitter, and I'd be guilty of selfishness for wanting/attending the party.

My son is intellectually disabled and the only funeral he has been to was his grandfather (which was a very small family affair). My uncle's funeral will much larger and I don't think my son would cope well with a lot of people around. Besides my son barely knew my uncle.

That changes things.

With the funeral presumably on Friday, 10:30 AM local, the party should have the green light, depending on your son's opinion and the state of his, for lack of softer words, intellectual deficit.

 

[Australis]

Well, with the funeral on Friday, problem solved.

Yeah, I was under the impression he'd died in the previous 24 hours. If it was Monday, then yeah, all good.