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A Very Ferengi Christmas

Deranged Nasat

Deranged Nasat

Vice Admiral
Admiral
Holy festival of Xmas
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
Don’t dampen my love of commerce
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
Presents, oh my lobes are itching
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
Women, get back in the kitchen
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

Leasing space under the tree,
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
Five slips upfront, guarantee,
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
Quote the Rules of Acquisition
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
Bows, they make a nice addition
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

Decorations, can’t afford it
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
Blame the annual Christmas audit
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
Sparkling tinsel, so we must pay
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
Bribes go straight to the FCA
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

Drape the room in Christmas tree lights?
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
No revolts, please, for worker’s rights!
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
Working for Ferengi nation!
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
No sick leave and no vacation!
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

Almost finished, we’re right on track
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
Sign your name, please, on the contract
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
500 Bars under budget
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
Show the Nagus, he will love it
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la...

(Everyone, feel free to contribute your own!)
 
'On the first day of Christmas, Gene Roddenberry sent to me a Bat'leth bathed in the blood of my enemies.

On the second day of Christmas, Gene Roddenberry sent to me two Tal Shair agents plotting, and a Bat'leth bathed in the blood of my enemies.

On the third day of Christmas, Gene Roddenberry sent to me
Three Vulcans wise,
two Tal Shair agents plotting,
and a Bat'leth bathed in the blood of my enemies.

On the fourth day of Christmas, Gene Roddenberry sent to me
four shouting Tellarites,
Three Vulcans wise,
two Tal Shair agents plotting,
and a Bat'leth bathed in the blood of my enemies.

On the fifth day of Christmas, Gene Roddenberry sent to me
Five garrulous Guls
four shouting Tellarites,
Three Vulcans wise,
two Tal Shair agents plotting,
and a Bat'leth bathed in the blood of my enemies.

On the sixth day of Christmas, Gene Roddenberry sent to me
Six liquidators scheming
Five garrulous Guls
four shouting Tellarites,
Three Vulcans wise,
two Tal Shair agents plotting,
and a Bat'leth bathed in the blood of my enemies.


On the seventh day of Christmas, Gene Roddenberry sent to me
Seven Breen attacking,
Six liquidators scheming,
Five garrulous Guls,
four shouting Tellarites,
Three Vulcans wise,
two Tal Shair agents plotting,
and a Bat'leth bathed in the blood of my enemies.

On the eighth day of Christmas, Gene Roddenberry sent to me
Eight Borg assimilating,
Seven Breen attacking,
Six liquidators scheming,
Five garrulous Guls,
four shouting Tellarites,
Three Vulcans wise,
two Tal Shair agents plotting,
and a Bat'leth bathed in the blood of my enemies.

On the ninth day of Christmas, Gene Roddenberry sent to me
Nine Captains pontificating,
Eight Borg assimilating,
Seven Breen attacking,
Six liquidators scheming,
Five garrulous Guls,
four shouting Tellarites,
Three Vulcans wise,
two Tal Shair agents plotting,
and a Bat'leth bathed in the blood of my enemies.

On the tenth day of Christmas, Gene Roddenberry sent to me
Ten Kinshaya praying
Nine Captains pontificating,
Eight Borg assimilating,
Seven Breen attacking,
Six liquidators scheming,
Five garrulous Guls,
four shouting Tellarites,
Three Vulcans wise,
two Tal Shair agents plotting,
and a Bat'leth bathed in the blood of my enemies.

On the eleventh day of Christmas, Gene Roddenberry sent to me
Eleven Gorn grinning
Ten Kinshaya praying
Nine Captains pontificating,
Eight Borg assimilating,
Seven Breen attacking,
Six liquidators scheming,
Five garrulous Guls,
four shouting Tellarites,
Three Vulcans wise,
two Tal Shair agents plotting,
and a Bat'leth bathed in the blood of my enemies.

On the Twelfth day of Christmas, Gene Roddenberry sent to me
Twelve Cardassians true
Eleven Gorn grinning
Ten Kinshaya praying
Nine Captains pontificating,
Eight Borg assimilating,
Seven Breen attacking,
Six liquidators scheming,
Five garrulous Guls,
four shouting Tellarites,
Three Vulcans wise,
two Tal Shair agents plotting,
and a Bat'leth bathed in the blood of my enemies!




​
 
While I lack the talent to contribute, I do appreciate these...err...Christmas carols?

7.gif


8.gif
 
***THE FOLLOWING CAROL HAS BEEN SUBMITTED AS A PUBLIC SERVICE BY YOUR LOCAL OFFICE OF THE OBSIDIAN ORDER***

You better watch out
You better not spy
You best not speak out
I'm telling you why
Enabrun Tain is hunting you down

He's making a list
That no one makes twice
Gonna dish out fates that aren’t very nice
Enabrun Tain is hunting you down

He sees you when you're sleeping
He knows when you're awake
He knows if you’ve been bad or good
So be good for goodness sake

O! You better watch out
You better not spy
You best not speak out
I'm telling you why
Enabrun Tain is hunting you down

***THIS HAS BEEN A MESSAGE FROM YOUR GUARDIANS IN THE ORDER, WHO REMIND YOU TO ALWAYS BE VIGILANT FOR SIGNS OF HUMBUG.***
 
I don't think this is very good, but...what the heck, 'tis the season. :ouch:

You know Silik and Venom and Zartan and Mystique,
J'onn J'onzz and Clayface and Mister Fantastic.
But do you recall
The most famous shapeshifter of all?

Odo the outcast Changeling
had a purely liquid form,
and if you ever saw him,
you would realize he could morph.

All of the solid humanoids
used to laugh and call him names;
they never let poor Odo
join in any humanoid games.

Then one desperate Christmas Eve,
Sisko came to say:
"Odo with your special gift,
Won't you save the Alpha Quadrant?"

Then how the humanoids loved him
As they shouted out with glee,
"Odo the outcast Changeling,
You'll go down in history!"
 
Alright guys I got one:

Up on the housetop by popular reques'
Out comes good old Kahless
Down through the chimney with lots of swords
All the little ones are pleased beyond words!

(Chorus)
Ho, ho, ho! Who wouldn't go!
Ho, ho, ho, Who wouldn't go!
Up on the housetop ding ding ding!
Down through the chimney with Kahless of Kling!

First comes the stocking of little Kell;
Oh, dear Kahless, fill it well;
Give her a dolly with a kung-fu grip,
And a little phaser she shoots from the hip.

Next comes the stocking of little Krull,
He would really like a Romulan skull,
Give him a Bat'leth it's the Klingon Way;
And here's a Romulan head for him to fillet!
 
A fairytale of Lakarian City

It was Union Eve
In Odo’s cells
An old Gul said to me, won't see another one
And then he sang a song
The Rare Old Hebitian sun
I turned my face away
And dreamed about you.


Got on a ruthless start
Came in eighteen to one
I've got a feeling
This year's for me and you
So happy Union day
I’ll see you rise to power
I can see a better time
When all our dreams come true.


They've got Galors big as bars
They've got rivers of pride
But the desert goes right through you
It's a place for the old
When you first took my hand
On a warm Union Eve
You promised me
Central Command was waiting for me.


You were loyal
You were disciplined
Legate of Lakarian City
When the war finished fighting
They howled out your name
Dukat was smirking,
All the drunks they were singing
We drunk more Kanar
Then danced through the night.


The boys of the Obsidian Order
are watching everyone
And the bells were ringing out
For Union day.


You're a criminal
you’re a weakling
you’re an old drunken Gul
Lying there almost dead dreaming of the past
you scumbag, you maggot
you worthless lousy citizen
Happy Union day your arse
I pray Oralius it's our last



(with apologies to the Pogues and everyone who loves that wonderful, depressing song...including me;))
 
Okay, I just have one entry:

O holy night, the stars are brightly shining;
It is the night of the dear Savior’s birth!
Long lay the world in sin and error pining,
Till He appeared and the soul felt its worth.
A thrill of hope, the weary soul rejoices,
For yonder breaks a new and glorious MORN.
 
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