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A CONNECTICUT YANKEE - Part 1
- Thread starter Pony Horton
- Start date
You need to break up your text, like this:
Right now, your story is basically a block of unreadable text. A beta reader might prove useful, as well. From what I can tell, the concept is intriguing, but you need to make the story more "user-friendly."
Right now, your story is basically a block of unreadable text. A beta reader might prove useful, as well. From what I can tell, the concept is intriguing, but you need to make the story more "user-friendly."
Agreed. I also think the story looks promising, but until you can edit it to separate the paragraphs, it's too hard for me to follow. Unfortunately, BBS's don't tend to handle indented-text blocks (as stories are traditionally written in) very well, so most fanfic posters here and elsewhere separate each paragraph with a line of empty text for ease-of-reading. 
Thanks! You're right, and I'll get right to it.
Much better, and extremely enjoyable! A perfect follow-up to the TNG episodes, not to mention you really captured the characters' voices. And I loved the references to other time travellers. You forgot the one who travels in a peculiar blue box though 
The editing made a great difference, and I really liked the piece.
The editing made a great difference, and I really liked the piece.
That was fantastic! 
You nailed the 'voices' of the various characters, including Clemens himself. The story had a strong sense of poignancy, as the people involved were faced with their own mortality, as well as Clemens having his understanding of the universe upended.
Guinan herself was clearly and accurately portrayed, and conveyed the appropriate amounts of world-weariness, wisdom, and humor we've come to expect from her.
Damn fine work.
You nailed the 'voices' of the various characters, including Clemens himself. The story had a strong sense of poignancy, as the people involved were faced with their own mortality, as well as Clemens having his understanding of the universe upended.
Guinan herself was clearly and accurately portrayed, and conveyed the appropriate amounts of world-weariness, wisdom, and humor we've come to expect from her.
Damn fine work.
A very well written character piece, with believable dialogue. Whilst reading it I could hear the actors saying the lines, always a good sign.
The references to the other time travellers did break the fourth wall somewhat, but it made for an interesting and humorous conclusion so I don't mind.
Overall, a good read.
The references to the other time travellers did break the fourth wall somewhat, but it made for an interesting and humorous conclusion so I don't mind.
Overall, a good read.
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