VFWCC #21 The caption must be drawn here, this far, no farther!

Tuvok: "What kind of movie is this 'Deep Throat'?"
Janeway: "Dunno. Sounds like a musical."
<The lights go down, curtain parts.>




Janeway: "I can't believe they made so many of these piece of shit 'Friday the 13th' movies."




Janeway: "You notice Harry is the only one of us talking to a fake female?"

 

Tuvok: "I wish I was sitting next to a fake female."

 

^



Janeway: "Notice Harry's here? If this is a sad movie, he'll be blubbering like a bitch."
Tuvok: "Affirmative."



Janeway: "Seven's here, with that holographic human-shaped vibrator she pals around with."
Tuvok, in a high pitch: "Girl, you soooo catty."

 

JANEWAY: How many times are you gonna let her kick the back of your seat before you turn around and slap her?

 

Tuvok: "What is the movie?"

Janeway: "Spaceballs."

Tuvok: "Oh, great."

Paris: "WE AIN'T FOUND SHIT!"

Tuvok: *sigh*

 

Janeway, twisting around: "Man, I've had sex with like five guys that're in this room ..."

 

Janeway *lookign around*: Hey they have soda. Why don't we have soda? I want a soda.
Tuvok: *sigh* see, this is why we never get to go anywhere nice.

 

Janeway: I remember when this place was packed the the rafters.
Tuvok: That was when we had a full crew captain. Evidently we've lost a lot of people on this journey.

 

TUVOK: You assured me that others would be in costume for this ritual as well.

 

Janeway: "Did we reinitiate the aroma feature of the Holodeck? I swear this seat smells like a thousand people have drilled farts into it."
<Tuvok shifts, re-clenches buttcheeks.>




Janeway: "You think Seven lets The Doctor 'go hiking in the Appalachians'?"
Tuvok: "Possibly. After the film, we should access his memory banks; his visual sensory inputs are stored indefinitely."
Janeway: "To Hell with this movie ..."
<Both stand, leave.>

 

(gunshot)

Female voice: What happened?

Male voice: I just shot my foot by accident.

(Cheesy music being played on a cheap Casio keyboard)

Tuvok: Captain, I do not understand the humor of a cat playing a keyboard after someone has done something of an idiotic nature.

 

Janeway:"Quick Tuvok,act nonchalant.The Doctor is coming with his holo-camera!"

 

Keyboard Kzinti: "Don't make me come out there!"

 

Janeway: What can I say? Madness takes it's toll!

 

<lights come up>
Tuvok: "I do not find humor in watching men getting hit in the testicles with a various objects for three hours."
<Janeway reaches over, pops him in the nuts. He doubles over. Everyone laughs.>
Janeway: "Found it yet?"

 

Janeway: "Wasn't that just wonderful, after all they went through, how they ended up together at the end? It just makes me feel so good inside."

Tuvok: "I am pleased that you enjoyed it. However, I still do not understand the logic of 'chick flicks'."

 

TUVOK: So it is the dream of all young human females to become a hooker and marry a millionaire who hired her?

JANEWAY: Gee, when you put it that way it kind of loses the romance.

 

JANEWAY: "Well, I guess I was wrong, but who cares? Let's have some fun! What do you say, Tuvok? Are you ready to do the Time Warp again?"

TUVOK: "No, I would prefer not to draw further attention to myself. I would also appreciate it, Captain, if you would simply refrain from speaking to me for the rest of the evening."

>Janeway slumps back in her seat, disgruntled.<

JANEWAY (muttering): "Asshole."

TUVOK: "Slut."

 

<lights come up>
Janeway: "Man, when Chucky popped up, you screamed like a pissy little girl."




Janeway: "The woman to your left and the man behind me are wearing the same shirt."
Tuvok: "A gang affiliation, no doubt."
Janeway: "I'll watch for switchblades."




<movie suddenly stops, lights come up>
Teenaged Usher, off-screen: "The use of laser pointers is expressly forbidden."
Janeway: "I friggin' told you to stop, jarkoff."

 

Tuvok: But why do the super-advanced aliens transform into 20th century mechanical conveyances?
Janeway: Moichandising!
Tuvok: Your technobabble is getting more incomprehensible by the day.



Janeway: I'm keeping my 3D glasses for later. Not that they'll do much good.
Tuvok: I told you, it's an urban myth.
Janeway: In my experience many myths are based on truth. Who said that? Wasn't that Spock? Now that was some rigid logic.
Tuvok:<muttering> Damed no comeback logic.