Contest: ENTER STV Caption Contest #211: The One Where Peaceful Telepaths Punish Torres For Her Violent Thoughts

Welcome to the all new Star Trek Voyager Caption Contest!

Here are the winners of the last contest...

First up the Best Fart Joke goes to @tharpdevenport with:

7 of 9: "My auditory implant has detected a sudden low-frequency sound fluctuation; sputtering at first, but then ending in a whimpering squeak. Ensign Kim, do you know the source of this mystery sound?"

The Captain's Choice Award goes to @Delta Vega with:

"You think your tattoo is cool, what about this wart cluster ?"

Third place goes to @IMC Headquarters with:

SEVEN: I will not assimilate this.

@Catarina gets Second Place with:

Janeway narrowly escaped the Chakotay/neelix fart war.

And the winner is @Delta Vega with:

Seven "Touch my arse again and I'll fucking assimilate you"

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Here're th' new pictures..

 

(Ty 4 the win! Again )

Neelix: there, there Kes.
Alien: Kes? Why did I ever agree to let you touch my melons?

 

Kes : "More than a handful is a waste, you know"

 

Neelix: Nice melons

 

Chakotay: Where'd th' cheese go Lieutenant?
Paris: I don't know!


But Kim knew.

 

Professor Farnsworth: Pretty long, eh?

 

"Ohhh, Neelix. Will you ask him for me? I just love his hair...and his tattoo...and his smile... I'm sorry, what was it you wanted to tell me ?"
Neelix: "Nevermind"

"Are you sure he said he wasn't interested, Neelix? What am I going to do?"
Neelix: "There there, I will take care of you..."



"See? I'm double jointed!"

"I have discovered that her face is not entirely symmetrical"

"A little weight? Does this look like a little weight to you? I've gained 45 pounds in a week!"

"She dumped me...said I was 'boring.' She's going out with Vorik now"

 

Tom: It's an old Earth dance called "The Robot"
Chakotay: I'm sure your wedding reception will be fun, but I don't think I'm flexible enough for that

 

Thank you for the honor!






CHAKOTAY: Need a wind-up, Tom? Harry? Bring my key.




HARRY: (mumbles) I swear some day I'm going to lose that key in a wormhole.

 

Tuvok's reputation as the best zit popper on board is upheld as he focuses on the tiny ones at the base of B'Elanna's nose.

 

Tuvok: "My mind to your mind. My thoughts to your thoughts. You will tell all the Bridge crew it has been you who has been farting all the time."


https://i.imgur.com/6jAMnw2.jpg[/b]

[b]Janeway (off screen):[/b] "Now press any key."

[b]Kim:[/b] "Which one is 'Any Key'?"

"Not promoted."

 

Paris: I swear, she was just there.
Chak: Who.
Paris: Janeway.
Chak (smiling): Never heard of a Janeway.

 

"Hey Neelix, if you like those gourds--"



"Sorry but I don't swing that way."


...due to rabid miscommunication, the latest attempt to revive the Atari 2600 was misconstrued between the designer teams...




"If you liked that tapdance, you should see my riverdance but I'll have to change into my other suit."
"Which suit is that?"


Harry Kim just imagined what Tom's other suit was. Sadly, Dick wasn't around to give his opinion because Starfleet doesn't allow any old Tom, Dick, and Harry to be enlisted on the same ship at the same time, to get around that stupid joke once and for all.

 

NEELIX: The Klingon woman? Kind of like this.



NEELIX: It's okay, don't be scared. This isn't a Kim romance episode.



The denizens of this planet had never seen a skip button before, but when they met Harry Kim, they instinctively reached for it.



TUVOK: Your thoughts...to my thoughts... you find it incredibly stupid we have to give ourselves up for imprisonment and sometimes execution every time some planet we reach has ridiculous laws easy to accidentally break that nobody told us about.
TORRES: It works!



PARIS: Really Commander? You rebelled against Starfleet but you're willing to give up your best friend because she had an angry thought?
CHAKOTAY: Clearly I've been neutered by my experience in Starfleet.



KIM: You know, I think I'm starting to fall in love with this girl from the planet.
JANEWAY: Don't make me use this skip button!

 

Paris: May I watch?
Chakotay: I watch Porn Hub alone.
Paris: we are on the bridge!
Commander: Have a seat.

 

Tom: "I swear Lt. Catherine Tramell was sitting right here is one of those old skant uniforms and when she spread her legs..."

 

PARIS: Why did the Alpharian chicken cross the road?
CHAKOTAY: I give up
Paris: So Janeway could promote him.



HARRY: (mumbles) Your new pip, Paris, should have been mine.

 

Captain’s Log: I’m loving this personal cloaking device Neelix got me last week. Tom has no idea. I’m putting in a commendation in Chakotay’s file. He didn’t even flinch when Tom started talking about me.


Incredible...even the coffee is cloaked.

 

Paris: Hey, look at me! Ministry of Silly Walks. eh? eh?
Chakotay: Your obsession with 20th century television is getting out of hand

 

To unlock this Klingon device, the fingerprint sensor also requires the fingertips of two enemies slain in battle.