Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #541: Jeffries Tubes

Hello and welcome to the new contest!




First up to the plate, we have the "Useful Delays" Award, going to Tenacity for:



O'Brein: "Captain, message from the surface, the commissioner is going to be delayed."
Laxanna: "Oh Jean Luc, we have time now for our intimate dinner."
Picard: "I think we should wait right here for the commissioner."
O'Brein: "They said it might be a few hours."
Picard: "Grand."



Next, we have the "Cerebro" Award, going to Catarina for:


PICARD-Xavier : The white lights represent the humans.


Next, we have the "Cover-up" Award, going to Bry_Sinclair for:


Pulaski: She's dead, Will.
Riker: Quick, get the lid back on! We'll beam her back into space and say there was a mix up with the rendezvous co-ordinates.


Next, we have the "Unauthorized Peronnel" Award, going to Nerys Myk for:


WORF: Intruder neutralized!
PICARD: You just shot our conn officer.
WORF: He was off duty, sir and therefore not supposed to be on the bridge.
PICARD: *sigh*


Next, we have the "LeadHead doesn't usually like Cursing captions, but this works" Award, going to inflatabledalek for:



O'Brien: Oh fuck off.




Our KBL goes to JirinPanthosa for:



WOMAN: Good news everybody! The people who think we're quaint and silly are prostituting us to a colony of clones!
ALL: Horray!


Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

And now, new contest!











Enjoy!

 

La Forge: What are you doing down here?

Ro: Either fix the wi-fi or I'm gonna keep hooking directly into the main connection to play MMORPG's!




Worf: Don't shut it, Wesley!



La Forge: Who put bumperstickers on the power grid access panel?!



Picard: Please finish your Poke-Stops so we may proceed with this experiment.



La Forge: No wonder there was dog hair coming out of the warp nacelles.

 

LAFORGE: What's with all the pipes? It's like I work in a brewery!!

 

Wesley regretted shutting Worf in the tube as a prank.

 

LaForge: Crewman Jeffries will be recovering in sickbay for a few days.
Ro: Tell him I and this Plasmalazer 5000 apologize for his tubes. But in our defense, you should brush up on your duty roster apostrophes.


Worf: Raggggghhhhrrrr!
Wesley: Awwh Nawwhhh! The Rancoon is coming! Use the force Knute!
Worf: IF YOU CANNOT PLAY ACCORDING TO THE STANDARD LUCASFILMS NOMENCLATURE THEN A RANCOR WILL BE THE LEAST OF YOUR PROBLEMS!!!


Picard: Bridge to LaForge, report!
LaForge: Well I'm all right, but PLEASE don't tell Desilu I am about to fix my own plumbing! And for Zod's sake don't send the redhead down here!!!
Picard: I hear you loud and clear, Geordi. We'll send down a couple visiting Ferengi to assist you. They are serious baddies, I'm told.


Picard: Exocomps have a butthole?
Data: Technically it is a bidirectional heat sink vent.
Scientist: Funny, I didn't tell anyone they were bidirectional.
Data: ..........................
Geordi: Awk-ward!


Riker: Look at this dumb dog. You'd never catch me sitting all alone in some hole waiting to be rescued.

 

Thanks for the win!


La Forge: Ro, hurry up or we'll become a matte painting as well!


Worf: Give my back my shirt!
Wesley: No! It's too small for you! You look ridiculous in it!
Worf: I rock the tight-tee!


La Forge: (thinking) I'm a black guy alone, in the dark, in an isolated part of the ship. Damn! I'm gonna die, aren't I?


Picard: If you two are quite finished playing Gagh Galore Saga, some of us have more important things to be doing today.


La Forge: That's not a space dog, it's just a regular one.
Riker: How can you tell? Does you're VISOR show you something about it's biology?
La Forge: No. There are no plastic horns stuck on it.

 

It was then that Riker realized Geordi's invitation to "Look for bitches in the Jeffries Tube" was just a ploy to get him to help look for Aquiel's missing dog.

 

Ro: Tell Jeffries, his tubes need better lighting

 

Exocomp: Exterminate!
Data <whisper>: Shhhh! Not yet...

 

LaForge: Internet tubes holding stable on neutral captain.

 

Picard: "Data, remember the part of the bridge officer's test where you had to send someone to their death to save the situation?"
Data: "Of course Captain."
Picard: "Grand, so send the bloody little robot to it's death, and let's finish this up."

 

RO: You know, Geordi. If you want to look at porn, you can just have it transmitted right to your quarters.

 

Data: Yes Captain, this appears to be a 150 isoton antimatter bomb on a timer. We only have 90 seconds before the bomb detonates and obliterates the Enterprise. It cannot be beamed into space or moved at all due to various trigger mechanisms built-in. We must disarm it here.
Picard: Well, thank God we have our chief engineer and ordinance specialist right here with us. Geordi, doctor... You have 90 seconds to save us all... Geordi?... Doctor?... Jesus Christ!!! Could you two put your phones down for one minute and pay attention!!!

 

Data: "The exocomp is a sentient life form."
LaForge: "The exocomp just passed you Data in number of followers."
Data: "The little piece of crap must die."

 

"Ro, if Guinan realizes you stole her blender for our secret rendezvous drinkydrinks, she's not going to be happy."


"Honest, Worf, I wasn't playing with anyone down here! Not even with myself!"



"Get Barclay down here, I can see how he clogged it, but I want him to be responsible for his own messes for a change."


Data: "Fascinating. From the cameraman's perspective it looks like we are staring at a person wearing a deep seas diving helmet."
Picard: "Shut up Wesley"


"Geordi, did you see that?"
"Yes commander, I saw what he left back there just before the junction. It looks just like the present he left in your other shoe so be careful."
"My other shoe?! How did you get into my quarters?"
"Hello, I'm Chief Engineer! Oh, the dog's name is 'Tiger' by the way. Data named him."
"It figures... I'm going to my quarters now..."

 

Geordi: "Hey girl, what are you doing down here all alone? Come on... I've got treats back in my quaters... Come here girl..."
Riker: "Dating scene not so good right now for you..."
Geordi: "Shut up..."

 

Dog: Bark! Bark!

Geordi: "What's that, Lassie? Wesley's fallen down the plasma well?"

Riker: "Riker to the Captain -- we've solved that 'problem' finally..."

 

Picard over Combadge: "Commander La Forge, have you found the problem?"
Laforge: "Yes sir. Umm... how to put this politely... It looks like Starfleet plumbing is incompatible with Klingons. It's going to take a work crew a full day to unclog this."

 

GEORDI: I'm not sure it's a good idea that our entire plan revolves around three people just happening to stand in the same place.
RO: Wait, they actually are standing in that place!
GEORDI: Noice!



WORF: I'm not sure...why you think...pressing different buttons...will increase the strength of this...HATCH MECHANISM! (Pushes hatch apart)



GEORDI: She said she'd meet me here, where is she? I'd better look around for another hour to make sure she's not hiding here somewhere.



PICARD: Data, it's the red wire!
DATA: THEY'RE ALL RED!



GEORDI: It seems like...a dog! Humans used to keep these creatures as pets until we evolved beyond the need for animal companionship in the mid 21st century!
RIKER: ...Man, humans SUCK now.
GEORDI: Yup.

 

WORF: Can you wait until I get out before closing the doors?
WES: Nope, Deanna will be mine! Bwahahahahahaha!