Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #537: Elevator Music

Hello and welcome to the new contest! Yes, once again I haven't had time to post winners. Sorry, but next weekend is certain to provide the sufficient time to judge all of the outstanding contests and provide the winners you so richly deserve.

In the meantime, we caption!











Enjoy!

 

Picard: I'll be in my Ready Room.

Riker: Wrong door, sir.



Worf: Worf to Ensign Jenkins. I found your phaser in turbolift 7. If this happens one more time, we're going to arm you with a nerf gun.



Barclay: Holodeck 3, please.

Computer: No way dude.




Worf: I do not believe you when you say 'It's not you, it's me."



Picard: I expected winners to be posted today Counselor. I will not look at you until this happens.

 

WORF: Why is the kill setting always blocked? Why even have one if I can't use it!!!!???

 

PICARD: Is that the Beastie Boys?
TROI: Yes, sir. Starfleet only uses Classical muzak.
PICARD: Cheap bastards, always going for public domain

 

WORFNo, I'm through with everything here. I want peace. I want to see if somewhere there isn't something left in life of charm and grace. Do you know what I'm talking about?
K'EHLEYR: No! I only know that I love you.
WORF: That's your misfortune.
K'EHLEYR: Oh, Worf! , Worf! Worf, Worf... Worf, if you go, where shall I go? What shall I do?
WORF: Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn

 

Riker: That's not the head, sir.



Security Officer's log: Cleaning up after the captain's dog is the worst part of my day... What do you mean, wrong Enterprise?



*Hurried zip*



Worf: As you can see, there are no monsters in this corridor.
K'Ehleyr: I've seen all the horror movies. It's just waiting for you to turn around before it attacks you from behind.



Troi: You can't deny it, captain. It's only you and me here. You did let one rip, didn't you?

 

Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, B, A, Select, Start. Yes! 99 lives!

 

Picard: I'll be on the holodeck with my horse
Troi: We have to get him a vacation

 

Troi: What do you mean, you're not going to caption until the past contests are judged?? Don't you think that's a little petty?
Picard: I only mean that Santa Garras has already donated so much of his time and energy to the amusement of others, he deserves to have a break without piling another week of unjudged captions on him. So I refuse to caption.
Troi: But technically this is a caption. You have already broken your avowal.
Picard: .................
Troi: ................
Picard: ...............
Troi: ................
Picard: The fuck is an avowal

 

Troi: Good night, sir.
Picard: Hopefully I won't have that dream again.
Troi: The one where Will and I have a baby? What did you call it?
Riker: BRISTLEBEARD THE BUTT PIRATE

 

Picard: Right, that's it! I've had enough of the camel toes and 'Decker peckers', I'm going to speak to the quartermaster about better uniforms for everyone.
Troi: Yes!
Picard: Not you though, Counsellor.
Troi: Damn you!


Worf: Hmm, maybe if I turn it off and then on again it'll start working.


A claustrophobic-agoraphobes dilemma, stay inside the cramped turbolift car or step out onto the wide open bridge!


K'Ehleyr: I see you baby, shaking that ass!


Picard: Remember, Counsellor, what happens in the turbolift stays in the turbolift.

 

Picard: Are those cockroaches, or did Wesley get into the nanites again?

 

PICARD: I'm off to my quarters. You kids be good. Don't do anything I wouldn't do.
RIKER: Crap. He knows doesn't he?

 

WORF: Why is there a frappe setting?

 

Picard: "Well, crew, I'm off. I'll be back when the three or four Caption This! contests that havent' been judged, are judged."
THE DOORS SLIDE SHUT.
Troi: "Will -- you have a ship now!"

 

Troi: "Captain, those aren't my eyes. But you don't touch so that's okay."
Riker: "Speak for yourself, he touches me all the time. If he wants to stroke something let him grow his own beard!"


"Captain, this outhouse lacks a hole in the floor."


"Captain. I have found no signatures belonging to Mr. Barclay. It is safe to step in."



"Worf, your butt is too big. Stop eating those books, you need more protein and less fiber."


"I'm sorry captain, I won't upset you again. Can we kiss and make up?"

 

K'Ehleyr: "Oh yeah baby, they can take care of my business anytime! And the dude on the right, his hair is bigger than Worf's! I wonder..."

 

PICARD: There shall be no more talk about a new paint job. Beigeness is next to Godliness.



WORF: After I saw the phaser rifles get to use on DS9, these phasers just seem kind of dinky.



BARCALAY: I'm not OCD. I just have to walk over the threshold of the turbolift five times. Okay, I'm a little OCD.



K'ELYHR: And no, I'm NOT friends with B'elana Torres. It's offensive to assume the two of us would get along!



PICARD: Looks like the turbolift is stuck. Alright, let's establish a pee corner.
TROI: It's only been a minute, I think it's a bit early to...you're already peeing, aren't you?

 

PICARD: How long has be been staring at that panel?
RIKER: About a half hour. His germophobia is stopping him from touching the controls.
PICARD: Doe he realize the turbolift is voice activated?

 

Santa Garrus/Leadhead: Hello and welcome to the new contest! Yes, once again I haven't had time to post winners. Sorry, but next weekend is certain to provide the sufficient time to judge all of the outstanding contests and provide the winners you so richly deserve. In the meantime, we caption!

Riker: Sir, where are you going? Your shift just started! And what contest? What do you mean by caption?

Troi: I'm sensing great stress.



Worf: Security Log--Okay, this is it. Once the doors open, I'll burst onto the bridge wielding this phaser and yell, "No! No! No! How do you like it Captain? Huh? NO!" And then I'll shoot everyone!



Barclay: Okay, Reg, you've got this. You've overcome your fear of transporters. Now, we just have to get over turbolifts. We can't just use the Jefferies Tubes to get everyone on the ship.



K'Ehleyr: I hate to see you go, Worf, but I love to watch you leave!



Troi: Sir, I've always wondered, what is that window for?

Picard: This one? Oh, Guinan had them installed. She was planning on modeling it after a "Drive-Thru Window." Apparently, people used to drive their cars to restaurants, order through a low-quality speaker, pull up to a window and get the wrong food. I guess she wanted to offer the same thing, but on the turbolift.