I don't know of anyone who else who writes Star Trek Haiku. Then again, I have never really dug into the world of Trek fans even though I have been one since around 1987. When I was confined to the brig for several years in New York, a friend and I would sometimes end letters with a Star Trek Haiku. Here are some of the ones I consider my best. Please feel free to comment or create your own. The only rule is to confirm to the rules of Haiku. 5 syllables, 7 syllables, 5 syllables. Captain James T. Kirk Federation thrill seeker Sleeps with Green Women Small, soft and furry Klingons hate them with a passion Walter Koenig's wigs! (or Pavel Checkov's wigs) I wish I was Spock But with only one difference Pon Farr every day! Spock wants to go swim Why are all the pools empty? No rain on Vulcan Sulu flies the ship Captained the Excelsior Now just says "Oh My!"
Protégé of Spock Saavik loves regulations Kirstie was better A different Captain Jean-Luc Picard makes it so Likes earl grey hot. Does Worf have honor? He went after Riker's girl No honor in that!
Really? No one has any decent ST Haiku? You Beam Down Below Honored being part of Team Don't wear a red shirt!
Excellent! James "R" Kirk :-) Good one! Spock And The Doctor McCoy Had the Better Beard V'Ger Doesn't Care
You know, I'm inspired to write one for every TOS episode. Commander Balok Captains the Fesarius. He is no dummy. Leo Francis Walsh, Wiving settlers. Know his name: Harcourt Fenton Mudd Captain Kirk is split. Evil half reveals the truth. Lust for Yeoman Rand.
Every one I have posted so far is an old one. This is one I just wrote a bit too quickly Spock is logical Enjoys the agonizer When wearing Goatee pretty lame . . .
Start a new thread? Thanksgiving Haiku thread topic? Just ruin the day. Jesus thinks I suck I do suck, but only if,.. I am with a girl.
Some years back I wrote one for each episode: Here's a few.... Kirk and Romulan In a space battle of wits Each a worthy foe. Kirk fights lizard-man. He wins by showing mercy. Homemade cannon helps. Witch woman tempts Kirk Amid a haunted castle. He smashes her orb. Kirk hunts a cloud creature To avenge his former captain. A blood debt is paid. Computer goes nuts. Kirk double-talks it to death. Who’s the dunsel now?
I've been slacking off. Lose inhibitions And take Kathleen home again. But a Vulcan weeps Ask “Are you a girl?” Wish them into the cornfield. Thasians will take you.
I started a Trek haiku thread on another forum (now, no more). Here are my contributions: Gamma Quadrant, still. What are we doing out here? More raktajino! Another voyage, another anomaly. We can't take much more! Vic Fontaine's crooning, on the USS Kelvin, at Dixon Hill's wake Distress beacon from humanoids with face ridges- it's Tuesday in space. Transporter echo wandering a Jefferies tube... Turbolift to Hell! ... a temporal loop? Are we stuck in a tempo ral loop? Are we stuck... Glistening bloodwine and bowls and bowls of fresh Gagh Honor the fallen! The bosun's whistle Soft air rush as doors open Impulse engines' thrum I know what goes well with this resequenced protein... Passionfruit iced tea! Balder than Sisko- Captain Ilia Janeway on Star Trek: V'ger A sun beats down on the Rikers' Risa time-share. Steady as she goes. Always trespassing where no one has gone before... Human-kind on trial Pine is essential but Hemsworth is not required. Get another Chris! Constellation class, how many nacelles you got? Yo- that's a lot, bro. Efficient circuits strain to cognate the human- positronic brain So many minds but only one thought between them Locutus of Bored Riker and Sisko know how to advance themselves: facial hair heroes Under the table in 10 Forward, I just found 7 tricorders. Failed to kick my Targ. Now I'm sentenced to break rocks on Rura Penthe. Wesley Crusher and Alexander Rozhenko look askance at Nog. Young Spock's scruffy beard. Emotional? Logical? Mirror Spock's goatee. This station's bright side: your next birthday party is wormhole-adjacent Daddy, where's my sock? Chief, get it working again. O'Brien- fix it! Plain, simple Garak Tinker Tailor? Soldier Spy? Never mind- just eat. Klingon diplomats talk softly, carry bat'leth. Scratch that- SHOUT LOUDLY! Self-sealing stem bolts, tulaberry wine, Yamok sauce... ... perhaps a mixed case? We are Jem'Hadar. Genetically-modified, rollin' on K-Dubs. Want to stop the Borg? Distraction is our last hope. Assimilate Q. Send an away team- Thomas Riker's been replaced by Mirror Tuvix! Section 31. The real secret? Just pranksters. Beam in. Poop. Beam out. Revenge: best served cold. Try to find the logic in Plomeek gazpacho! Romulans, Vulcans... my name is Jean-Luc Picard. I will mediate. Mr. Sulu will captain the Excelsior until time's collapse. Can we even tell that Lwaxana Troi was hit by Cupid's phaser? Holosuite Oo-mox, with one Morn story, becomes Agonizer booth Sylvia wakes Kirk from a pleasant slumber on next week's show: Catsbutt For Chris and Vina, love was just an illusion... if memory serves. Ready transporters- this damned food replicator is out of carbons. Locutus of Borg, I'm Leland-Control of Borg. We're pleased to meet us. Open the case and stare directly at the orb. Time's not important. Uncomfortable pause. Is this Starfleet policy? Captain, I'm confused. I will forever bang my head into the wall in near-warp transport. Games of brinksmanship? Dom-jot and Parisi Squares are enough for me. My symbiont by EPS conduit to your staid Klingon heart. Jack Crusher was crushed. Jonathan Archer was arched. Will Riker was... riked. Section 31 of the Mirror Universe .uoy no pu kaens lliw Joy! The computer informs me, "Program complete. Enter when ready." I'd lift it myself! Utopia Planitia is building my dream. We are joined like Trill in our spiritual past- Romulan, Vulcan. Warp core, infested. The ambassador... lying. My mind- out of phase! Sauternes, old but sweet- but I'll not yet have dessert. Now, to live again! We'll ask the doctor, "Do synths dream of android sheep?" Positronic cells. What is legacy when compassion's left the world? Leisure of a man. Pull up a chair, Will. Dear God- what are you doing? Leave my ready room! Feline supplements- sure. Now maybe something for that baby space-whale... ? FNN updates: "Shuttle Crash Strands Pair At Odds" "New Disease Reversed" They say space is black. Sometimes I look out at death and wish they were right. An early Risa knows seeking rest is pointless. Horgon conclusion An IDIC pendant draped against a dead man's neck- no grace in The Forge. The final frontier in an endless dimension- time will defeat us. I was accepted at Starfleet Academy. Itchy uniforms Eight years an ensign Abandoned salamander Justice for Tuvix! Lieutenant M'Ress, I'll only ask you once more... Stop licking your butt! Live long and prosper on this over-burdened rock... Is it logical? Raffi Musiker Captain Cristobal Rios Agnes Jurati Commander Data Admiral Kirsten Clancy Doctor Bruce Maddox Took a sip of joe- I’m over-cranked and canted. ”Would you mind explai...” City in the clouds... Have you ascended above any empathy? Eight series watched, what have I done? Now Voyager's the only damned one. Oh, Deep Space Nine game... your ratings, mediocre. Yet play you, I must! Logician Surak could never prepare us for a mind like Trelaine’s Bones got mad when Spock dug a huge pit on Andor- that Vulcan ice hole! I’m sorry, sir, that your people are malnourished. We just have Neelix. Locutus of Borg, making a collective call to Seven of Nine New memory tape- "The Perpetual Ensign", Harry Kim's memoir Evocative first haiku from Garak Nephew. Welcome to low art! Phaser, transporter, tricorder, replicator, chocolate pudding. It is logical to exercise the body. Live long and perspire. Search for her using multi-phasic bio-scans. The surface is bare. Hugh Culber is dead but the mushrooms embrace him. Pax mycelium "Computer, locate Livingston." "Livingston is in Data's quarters." Dud torpedoes and dead nacelles in Xindi space. Maybe Shran can help... Plastic Kirk and Spock had decades to save the day. Mego Sisko waits. Have you heard this tape? My favorite tricording: Bones Lectures Vulcans MC Tuvok and DJ Spock, violating The Rhyme Directive Recall sensor probe. Warp signatures detected. All decks, red alert. Itchy uniform Restrictive behavior codes I'm Starfleet for life More sentience, please! We will duplicate your crew... … but... pass... on Neelix. Going in circles with one nacelle out-of-phase... non-standard orbit "LaForge, can we move?" "Warp drive still offline, captain." "Where's my Shakespeare book?" Under-bed monsters or Neelix, right in your face- your choice, Naomi. Targ steaks, blood pie, gagh... This Bird of Prey is well stocked. Alas, no olives. Glitched tricorder just says, “Five million, three-hundred eighteen thousand, eight.” Arrived looking for a low-mileage pit woofie; left with no wallet. Naomi Wildman, you're the Captain's assistant; Ensign Kim, her clown. Wild Girl of the Woods, you are wise beyond your years. Rich soil serves you well. "Will! Kestra's shooting arrows at the garage door." "Again, girl? SHIELDS UP!" Well, Captain Braxton... we meet again... and again... and again... and a- New xB warp core! Top speed is Seven of Nine... … Point-Nine-Seven-Five. Resistance, species 3259, is futile and illogical. Like the Borg alcove? Wait ‘til you see the foyer! Feng shui is futile. Here's Mudd in your eye! Spit out what can't be chewed in... The Tholian Wad. "We might be able to modify the shields to..." "You have 10 minutes." "Please state the nature of your drinks emergency." "Cold raktajino." On the job, I still chew whisky-infused gum, but made with synthehol. Electric doe eyes assimilating my heart. G'night, li'l Borgers. Chaptalization: Do electric admirals make synthehol wine? "One-hundred eighty centimeters, precisely." Measure of a man I’m a whole new man: slide trombone, jamaharon- no anbo-jyutsu. Ressican flautist leans against the open door... Need some help, buddy? What a mess we're in. Lower denominator? Decks awash with dreck. It’s tea, Earl Grey - hot... but I just can’t separate the saucer section.