Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #523: R&R

Hello everyone, sorry for the late start. As you can see, there's not winners posted yet, I plan to get to that either later tonight or sometime tomorrow.

In the meantime, new contest!











Enjoy!

 

Picard: Was that Vanessa Williams?



Riker: Great! We own the hotel.

Data: Excellent, we can leave.

Riker: Lets not be hasty Data.



La Forge: Computer, how long until we get to Risa?

Computer: 3 hours, 12 minutes.

La Forge: Couldn't the Enterprise have just dropped me off a lot more easily?

Computer: Affirmative. According to the flight plan, this action has reduced your time on Risa by 24.6 hours.



Picard: Either change into a proper riding outfit or leave me alone.



Barclay: Yahtzee!

 

Lt. Geordi Laforge: "Yeah, I know Leah, I did a terrible thing...I offered you a ride back to Earth...now, how about another drink?"

Leah Brahms:"Mmmmghph!"

Lt. Geordi Laforge: "What? That gag and those ropes too tight?"

 

Data: "Yahtzee!"

Picard (through a communicator badge): "I'm face-palming right now, number one."





Geordi: "...then I re-set the power cuplinks, re-adjusted the phase converters, re-calibrated the sensors, ran a LEvel 1 and Level 2 diagnositic on all key systems, and programmed new subroutines. Another exciting day! I wish I had a woman to share all this fascinating stuff with!"

 

TROI: You brought a riding crop, but I'm not seeing any horses.
PICARD: Ah.....

 

*Starts looking around to see who else has a horga'hn on display*



Data: I will attempt to avoid crapping, Commander

Riker: That's crapping OUT Data

Data: Would it not be impossible to crap in any other direction, Sir?



Geordi: Computer, how about some music suggestions

Computer: All By Myself, Eric Carmen. Another Lonely Night, Adam Lambert. Everybody's Got Somebody But Me, Hunter Hayes. One Is The Loneliest Number, Three Dog Night......

Geordi: Very funny computer...



Picard: We'll have to have the computer fashion a bridle and saddle that will fit you, but I'm game if you are.



Barclay. My latest stroke of genius is that we combine all these boards onto one plain, and call it chess

 

BARCLAY: Which one is the salt?

 

Barclay: "I noticed that you're not moving any of the pieces on the upper platform.
Woman: "I can't reach the upper platform>"
Barclay: "Maybe if you stood up?"
Woman: "I am standing up."

 

RISAN (os) You need to work on your ogling game, human.

 

GEORDI: It's personalized...like Worf's sash or Ro's earring.

 

Stewart: .....and then there was the time the sfx guys put a video of Miley Cyrus twerking on the green screen. You should have seen Dorn's face in the editing room. Good times, good times.

 

LaForge: Not gonna strike out on Risa. Not gonna strike out on Risa. Not gonna strike out on Risa.

 

Which Captain is better, Kirk or Picard?
Kirk - Goes to Risa. Does jamaharon until he's blind.
Picard - Goes to Risa. Reads book

 

This one's for Shatmandu, wherever he may be now....

Picard: OK FINE, if it will finally allow you to leave me in peace, I will accept this "Ja-ma-ha-ron".
T'Ho: Marvy! <squeezes a cleveland steamer on his chest>
Picard: F U, RIKER!!!


Data: Oh no I Jamaharoned out
Riker: Oh you know about that one.

 

LaForge: Computer, I feel like some music. Play Low Rider from War.

 

Barclay: "Hey, fellas. Am I holding up your game?"
Chess players (thinking): "Nerd."


At that moment, Jean-Luc began to seriously wonder if Lwaxana Troi had surreptitiously planted a tracking device on him at their last meeting.

 

Picard sits impatiently, wondering why nobody was secretly showing up because of his CraigsSubspaceList ad for freeballing*.




* = that's actually a thing. Sigh.

 

Picard is from France.

 

Picard always double checks to make sure nobody is looking when he reads cheap romance novels instead of ancient high literature.



RIKER: I'll place a bet on...
DATA: That would be inadviseable sir. The house advantage in this game ranges from 1.36% to 13.9% depending on the bet. It makes one feel good to believe that 'luck is on their side', but the truth is that no matter what casino game you play, the longer you play the odds of losing money approaches 100%. It is indeed why casinos are such a profitable business.
RIKER: ...No no, my gut says to bet the 6!



GEORDI: I'm an adult male alone in a shuttlecraft for several hours with all the music, film and literature in human history at my fingertips. I think I'll play trivia! Man, I'm so creative.



DEANNA: Equestrian huh. Are any of your hobbies NOT things that were exclusively available to rich people a couple hundred years ago?



BARCALAY: Who designed 3D chess anyway? Were they trying to design a strategically interesting game or were they just adding complexity for the sake of showing how futurey we all are?

 

Picard : In this novel, I will be the millionaire and you will be the hooker I take to polo games.
Troi: So, your Stuckey.
Picard No! The silver fox, what's his name? This is my fantasy. Don't twist it and burn me, Councelor!