Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #515: Dads in Space

Lal: "I have a superior intelligence."
Data: "A superior intelligence doesn't get you free drinks."


Wesley: "Activate Emergency Father Figure hologram."
EFFH: "State the nature of the ...

 

Jack: The details of my life are quite inconsequential... very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds- pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking- I highly suggest you try it.




Data: It is a human custom known as drinking a toast.

Lal: What, specifically, are we toasting? Spandex?




Worf: Alexander, you clearly do not understand warp field physics. It is impossible to hitchhike your way off a starship.




Backstage at the Rolling Stones concert...

 

"There's nothing there! The man's hung like a Klingon Ken doll!"

 

Spiner's rider had some pretty odd requirements.

 

Soong: The cure for glaucoma? I thought I'd burned this already, heh heh.

 

Alexander:...then he said he would have killed me where I stood if I was another son of his.

 

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