Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #515: Dads in Space

Hello and welcome to the new contest!



First up to the plate, we have the "Advertising" Award, going to JirinPanthosa for:



WOMAN: Wow, that is truly the smoothest skin, the closest shave I've ever felt.
PATRICK STEWART: Of course it is. I use...GAH, how many of these commercials are left on my contract again?


Next, we have the "Art of War" Award, going to Nerys Myk for:


ELINE: You can spit it out, if you don't like it. I won't take offense.
PICARD (thinking): Nope...not falling for it.


Next, we have the "Revenge is a dish best served by Picard" Award, going to ironnerd for:


Batai: So. Wanna get the band back together.
Picard: The drummer's dead.
Batai: Oh yeah! Huh... remember when he got Eline pregnant?
Picard: That's why he's dead.


Next, we have the "Get me out here!" Award, going to Laura Cynthia Chambers for:


Eline: "...and some new sewing needles, thread - black, blue, and white, not ecru - a plunger, those little scrubby things for the dishes, floor wax, a garden hose, two boxes of baking soda soda..."
Picard: (muttering) "There's no place like home, there's no place like home..."


Next, we have the "Crime doesn't pay when then there's no money" Award, going to Tenacity for:



Beverly: "We weren't sure you would ever regain consciousness."
Picard: "Well I'm fine ... where's my wallet?"
Riker: "Maybe you should lay back down."
Piard: "Why are you wearing captain's pips?"





Our KBL goes to Triskelion for:


Batai: So when will you be able to afford the other half of your stairs?
Picard: When we start using cash again, I guess.


Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

And now, a salute to the dad's of the 24th Century!

This contest contains a poll for Season 6 episodes that we will be captioning in the next couple of weeks.











Enjoy!

 

Alexander: He says that I'm only 3 years old!

Worf: And he'll be 18 in less than 7 years.




Data: And this is MY cranberry juice. You will go get your own.



Jack: Wesley, one day it will be your purpose to explain why the same uniform was used for nearly 80 years, while others last merely 2 seasons.




Crusher: And you'll be just fine. After your father takes care of the co-pay.

Worf: Not again...



Second Officers Log: My father lives in a very strange laboratory. Given that he is alone on this planet, my suspicion is that he has become mentally unstable.

 

Jack: "...oh and if Mom falls for an old friend you probably never heard about..Jean-Luc Picard, find him and lock him in a room full of crying toddlers"

 

Data: No Lal, this is not toast. This is A toast. You should not put this in the toaster



Jack: Crusher really was just like a Top Gun kind of nickname, you know, cuz the babes and all. I still can't believe she seriously took it as her name.



Crusher: He stuck by you while you had to have a new spine made for you. Think you can tolerate his Yrydian flu without smothering him with a pillow?



Soong: This artificial dinosaur experiment is the idea that got me that "Often Wrong" label

 

I've been off my game for the past few weeks, here's hoping I can make a comeback!



Alexander: Geez, lady, I'm not empathic, and I can tell he's got a thing for you. Mostly because of his little Worf, as seen here. But, still, if I can tell, what good are you?

Lwaxana: I like him!




Data: Being human, I've learned, means drinking poison, expelling it from your body, and then drinking "the hair of the dog." Which is why I've added dog hair to this drink.



Jack: It's quite possible I would still be alive if it wasn't a galactic recession. We didn't even have the money for turtlenecks and belts!




Crusher: I can't work with you hovering, Worf.

Worf: I am not "hovering," that would be dishonorable. Instead, I am performing, "po'chugh Qu'lIj'e'," wherein, if you fail to treat my son, I will kill you where you stand.

Crusher: Oh, well, in that case, GET THE HELL OUT OF MY SICKBAY!



While Dr. Soong excelled in positronic brains, his real passion was to create his own Jurassic Park. It was ever his shame that he failed in this endeavor, shaming his ancestor, infamous geneticist, Arik Soong.

 

TROI: "I am sensing a hostile presence, Lieutenant."
WORF: "I apologize, Counselor. The Captain made me beam her aboard."


Soong: "Remember kids, brush and floss twice a day!"

 

T4TBLA, Leadhead!

Alex: Get a load of this putz! He's so wound up I want to sell insurance just to get a few laughs!


Data: Lal, it is customary to raise your glass when someone wishes to make a toast.
Lal: But father, androids don't drink. And now I will reiterate the thousand some-odd reasons why that is advisable.
Data: To not drinking! <drinks>


Jack: Jean Luc did not tell you everything.
Wesley: He told me enough! He told me he killed my father!
Jack: No, he is your father.
Wesley: No! No! That's not true. That's impossible!
Jack: Search your hairline, you know it to be true!


Crusher: Well here's your problem. Have you been feeding him everything in the nutrition plan book I sent you?
Worf: - In the book?


Androids? Pfft. Wait'll they get a load of my T-Rexes with frikking laserbeams attached to their frikking heads!

 

Alexander: "Hey ladies, his penis is right here."
Worf: "ALEXANDER."
Alexander: "I need a step-mother, and you're not pulling your weight."

 

Wesley..... if you're watching this message, I'm dead.... Fuck! I can't believe I died before they relaunched the franchise.





Alexander: Can you imagine what I went through when I was smaller? I wasn't even this height, and whenever I saw him, he was wearing spandex pants. Do you want to know what my earliest memory is of seeing my father?



Lore (off screen): Give it up father, you've got more chance of making B4 sing than getting that thing going again.


Alexander: You need to hear the truth - he can't stand your mother. You really want to know why her drink's that colour? Have a guess where it came from.

 

ALEXANDER: This is my dad! He's chief of security for the whole ship! And he murders heads of state like ALL the time!



DATA: See this? It is high proof whiskey. Humans drink this when they want to make their feelings go away.



JACK CRUSHER: And the third time you fell off the swing, that's when your mother and I decided to genetically engineer you to be super-intelligent.
WESLEY: Yeah, just gonna delete that part.



BEVERLY: The scan shows no injury at all. No broken bones, no muscle tears, not so much as a scrape.
WORF: You haven't been fighting at all, have you? I'm very ashamed.



ROBOT DINOSAUR: I have this pebble stuck in my teeth, can you reach in and get it out, Dad?
SOONG: Of course I will, son.
ROBOT DINOSAUR: Hurr hurr hurr

 

CRUSHER: The good news is we've found a match in our donor database. Do you know a Klingon called "Duras". Maybe a distant relative?
WORF: Wait....what?

 

JACK: Sorry for the way I look. Laundry day.

 

Thanks for the win!


Wesley: "Can't they ever get my action figure face right?"


Data (offscreen): "Your dinosaur diorama is now 130 years overdue and your teacher is dead. I believe you can stop working on it now."
Soong: (dejected) "But I just figured out where to put the brontosaurus..."


Alexander: "Can you two settle something for us? He just told me that he has a recessive gene which makes him turn invisible at will to anyone who isn't related to him by blood. Is he just pulling my leg?"
Lwaxana: "He who, darling?"
Deanna: "I don't see anybody."
Alexander: "Dad! You told them already, didn't you? (sigh) There's no troll dad like a Klingon troll dad."


Data: "To absent friends."
Lal: "Really wish you wouldn't look at me when you say that. I am going to be a recurring character, aren't I, Father?"
Data: (spits out his drink and chokes) "Of course, daughter...painted likenesses and the occasional plot specific mention count, right?"

 

DATA: "and this, Lal, is a plastic cup filled with a liquid that is almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea."


CRUSHER: "Mr. Worf, what you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul."

 

Alexander: Hey, you're the Betazoid lady my dad keeps moaning about in his sleep!


Data: L'chaim!


Jack Crusher: Dammit, Wes. You were supposed to build a ball park in the field, not just call up the program.


Crusher: He has the Russian measles.
Worf: I have never heard of this.
Crusher: They're identical to German measles, but declared Russian by a little lady in Leningrad.


Soong: Data, son...I know it's been a long time, but you should say something to your father. I know you must have many questions.
Data, OS: Father, I am three meters behind you.

 

Wesley: 3D hopscotch is sooooo 23rd century, Dad. Just like that uniform.

 

Alex: Listen dolls, we'd love to stay and chat, but me and Mount Rushmore here got a ritual suicide lesson to get to.

 

Alexander: So why do you and your mum sound like you come from completely different places anyway?





Data: Dr Crusher assures me that "Wine O'Clock" is the best time in any parent's day.





Jack Crusher: Your mother is always going on at me, "Jack" she says, "You really should wear the jumper under your uniform tunic like you're supposed to" and I'm like "Don't be an old woman Bev, it's not like I'm going to catch a nasty chill and die embaressingly young so you'll have to lie to Wesley about it so he thinks I'm not a tit!". Women, eh son?"





Crusher: Got knocked on his ass by a bigger boy? Definitely your son. Best tell him to get used to it.




I'm not saying the constant delays to the launch of Discovery are annoying, but this is how we'll all look by the time it airs.

 

Jack: ... No matter what, don't ever let your mother go to Caldos when your great nana passes. That woman is nuts and I swear something would rub off her onto your mother.

 

Rickleshenko: You think you got parent problems lady? Try inviting a Klingon to something called a soapbox derby!

I'm not saying my old man smells bad, but - ever see a wet targ get up and leave a room?

What is this, a Vulcan Kolinahr ritual? Jokes too subtle for ya? Catsuit too tight, strangulating the flow of oxygen to the brain, lady? My condolences to your hairdresser. What happened, Geordi LaForge forget his VISOR that day? My dad disembowled our last hair guy for insulting the honor of our House. It's a janitor's closet on the steerage deck with a sign on the door that says "No Sitting". Look at him, he looks like Prince Valiant stuck his face in a black hole.

Lwaxana: I like his moxy!