TOS Caption Contest #298: The Caption in the Dark

The guards die!

 

GIOTTO: No sir, I don't think they're here for a baseballl game.

 

McCoy: We're out of toilet paper.

 

Kirk: "This may be a dumb question but why does the reactor room have a Denebian doggie door?"



Spock: "I must call the miners statement into question; clearly they are not as competent as we were lead to believe."

McCoy: "Oh come on, Spock, just because not everyone has that mathematically perfect brain of yours doesn't mean..."

Spock: "Doctor, that flow chart is upside down and the captain is presently consuming one of their urine samples."



Kirk: "...and Scotty says we'll have the water out of the man cave in a few hours. Hopefully we can save it before the next season of The Bachelor starts."



Giotto: "Wait, was that about a promotion and a name change?"



McCoy: "Jim, when they called this quick drying cement, they weren't kidding."

Kirk: "Why?"

McCoy: "Because I can't move my hands and I'm losing feeling in my fingers."

 

Giotto: Who's frying baloney?

 

Kirk: "Someone had the Klingon Chili I see"

Spock: " Obviously"

McCoy: "Sorry Jim there's nothing left of them"

 

KIRK: I don't think that redshirt is coming back.

SPOCK: Shall I have the ship beam down a new one?

 

SCOTTY: Do ye not know a....

KIRK: Who the hell is that?



KIRK: I think getting him out might be the least of our problems.

 

McCoy: "Jim, he's touching my special area."

Kirk: "I noticed. Kirk to Enterprise: patch in the song 'Unchained Melody' by the Righteous Brothers, through the comm. Oh, I hope you don't mind -- I invited a guest."




McCoy: "I need an adult!"

 

Spock: "It has begun. The return of the ancient Photoshops as foretold in the Kir'shara."

Kirk: "Not now, Madeline!"

McCoy: "Huh?"

Kirk: "I was just thinking ahead."

 

KIRK: What did they say the eggs looked like, again?

MCCOY: Round and sort of brown-grey. Why?

 

Captain you must stroke the rock for it to release coffee!

 

They shoulda called it Explosive Diarrhea Smacks!

 

CARL SPOCK: Detachable penis, Jim? Grooooooovy.

 

Bones (too often!): No ... just one too many Space STDs!

 

Kirk: Starfleet issue. Didn't you read the manual?

 

McCoy: Okay Jim, I'm lubed up, ready for your examination, if you'll just bend over...
Kirk: Phew, fortunately you didn't mention anything about lowering my pants!
McCoy: I thought that was a given...

 

LeadHead, thanks for the "Request DENIED" Award!

Spock: Captain, I recommend sending a security guard in first.

Kirk: Good thinking.

 

Spock: Double dumbass on you.
Bones: Triple dumbass on you.
Spock: Dumbass cubed on you.
Bones: Dumbass to the power of ten on you.
Spock: Quadruple-bypass dumbass on you.
Bones: DOA dumbass on you.
Spock: Uhura's nipples dumbass on you.
Bones: Mudd's nipple ring dumbass on you.
Spock: Infinity to the power of infinity dumbass on you.
Bones: Infinity to the power of infinity plus one horta turd dumbass on you.
Spock: infinity to the power of infinity plus one mugato turd dumbass on you.
Bones: Infinity to the power of infinity plus infinite horta and mugato turds dumbass on you.
Kirk: Captain's log, supplemental: Just kill I. Kill I now.