THIS IS NOT MY MARCH ENTRY-its called Crash “Shand?†“Yeah, Joe.†“You okay?†“Well, let's see. It's almost pitch black in here, the navigation console is laying across my legs-which I can't actually feel, by the way-and I think my right arm is broken. My head hurts something fierce, there's a slight breeze tickling my antennae and I had a childish accident. Yeah, Joe, I'm just peachy. And how are you this fine day?†“I'm shorter than you,†Joe replied, “So the pilot's station is crushing my chest instead of my legs.†His breathing sounded labored to Shand. “Joe, how bad is it?†The worry in Shand's voice was apparent. Joe took a second to gather his breath before answering. “I'm pretty sure most of my ribs are broken but I really couldn't say. I can't feel anything from the neck down.†Shand was silent for a moment. “Joe...†“Hey, Shand, it could be worse. When the shuttle was crushed our control panels saved us from being pulped into the deck by the roof.†Joe sounded almost cocky. “Now, our prisoner was dozing in one of the passenger seats in the back. He didn't have a control panel to shield him.†Shand squirmed slightly, trying to peer through the darkness into what had once been the rear of the shuttlecraft. “I wouldn't try to look, even if you can, Shand.†“Is it bad?†Shand asked. Joe chuckled in a gallows humor sort of way. “Let's just say the roof and the deck became one and leave it at that. Kinda reminds me of that crap you order at the Klingon place on McKinley.†They both lay in silence for a moment. Then Shand spoke again. “Joe, I know you're only a half-wit pilot on the best of days-but what the hell happened? I mean, this is a pretty bad landing, even for you.†Joe laughed and then groaned. “Don't make me laugh-it hurts too much.†He caught his breath and then continued, “You saw the electrical storm we hit as we began our final approach, right?†Shand nodded, and then, remembering Joe couldn't really see him, replied “Yeah.†“Well, we got hit by one mother of an electrical shock. I think it affected the controls, tripped a switch as it were. You remember them telling us back in the Academy that you should never, ever go to warp in an atmosphere because the warp bubble was too unstable to control?†“I mostly slept during pilot training, Joe-that's why I always make you fly us around. But I think I remember something about that.†Joe snorted. “Yeah, well, for about a millisecond we tried to go to warp. Then the bubble collapsed. It sorta crushed the shuttle as we slammed into the ground. That's why our prisoner is doing a real good imitation of pate now. We only survived because the control panels held the roof off of us when we got tossed to the deck.†“And why my nose keeps brushing the roof light, too,†Shand added. “So, just a typical 'Joe Torres' landing, eh?†“More or less,†Joe agreed. “So, now what do we do?†“I think I'll just lie here a while,†Joe replied. Shand laughed mirthlessly. “Sounds like a plan. Shame my right arm doesn't work.†“Why's that?†“I have a bad habit of wearing my phaser on my right hip. I could cut us out if I could get to it but...†Joe snickered. “You're gonna have to break yourself of that habit in the future.†“I'm going to have to learn to fly shuttles, too, if this is how you plan to land us every time.†“Hey!†Joe protested. “This is the only time I've ever wrecked us. Gimme a break!†“What about that time at the Vulcan Science Academy satellite?†“I only scraped that cruiser. And he shouldn't have tried to leave the dock as I was entering anyway.†“Oh, sure, blame it on the 200 year old Vulcan admiral. There's no way HE knew what he was doing.†“You know, Shand, sarcasm doesn't become you.†“But I'm really good at it.†“That you are, Shand, that you are.†At that moment they both heard a new voice. “Alright, ensign, let's get this back to the physical plant for crash analysis. Get it up on the crawler.†Shand and Joe both began yelling at once. “We're in here!†“Hey, help us!†“Chief! I think we've got survivors!†The first voice replied, “Ensign, that shuttle is about 12 inches tall. There's no way-†Shand and Torres kept yelling. “Well, I'll be damned. Hello to whomever is in there. We're not going to be able to cut you out. The shuttle is too mangled. Are you hurt?†Shand giggled. “Oh, no, we're in great shape! We're elves, ya see, only about 6 inches tall so this is just fine conditions for us!†There was silence from outside the ruined craft. “Of course we're hurt, you blithering idiot!†Shand continued. “We need emergency medical transport right away!†“Right,†said the first voice, “How many of you are there?†“Two,†Shand replied. “We're busted up pretty bad.†“Gotcha,†Voice One came back,â€Okay, you two just stay put and we'll have you out in a minute.†“He said stay put,†Joe whispered. “We should go for a stroll while he's busy doing whatever it is he's doing,†remarked Shand. Joe guffawed, and then groaned again. “Don't make me laugh!†Seriously, SL-what did you think I would post? But what screwed up my quotation marks at AD ASTRA?