TNG Caption This! 304: Love is in the atmosphere...

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone! I'd like to say that this week was difficult to judge, I'm not complaining, a lot of LOL's were had today! So thank you, everyone!

First up to the plate, we have the "I know what you meant, I'm walking away because you said it that way" Award, going to:

No Worf, I meant a different love tunnel.

Next, we have the "Campaign Promises" Award, going to:

Duras: And the first thing I shall do as Chancellor is increase the amount of child support payable by absentee fathers.

Next, we have the "There's a lot of stories here...." Award, going to:

K'Ehleyr: I've called you all here to discuss my pregnancy test. It was negative.

<All breathe sigh of relief>

Worf: ...?

Next, we have the "Don Jean-Luc" Award, going to:

Picard: Some day, and that day may never come... I may call upon you to do a service for me. Probably when I'm in deep shit with the Romulans

Next, we have the "And how many of those are true stories?" Award, going to:

Crusher: "It's an old Internet site called FanFiction.Net. There's a whole section about us! And, according to these stories, the only person on this ship I haven't slept with is Wesley!"
Riker: "Oh yeah? Check out AdultFanFiction.net."

Next, we have the "Duke Nukem" Award, going to:

ENTERPRISE-D: I came here to chew through dilithium crystals and kick ass... and I'm all out of dilithium crystals.

The Photoshop Award, goes to:

K'EHLEYR: Yeah, it's a reuse of one of the movie sets. So what?

Crusher: Will, look at this. I noticed something odd on the sickbay security cameras.
Riker: What is it, Doctor?
Crusher: Doctor Selar always leaves the room a couple of minutes before Ambassador K'Ehleyr arrives. Then a few minutes after she leaves, Selar returns.
Riker: That is odd...

Captain's log, Stardate 45345.6. We're being attacked, three ships to our one. What am I doing making a log entry?

Congratulations to our winners and many thanks again to all who participated!

Another Thank you, to everyone for so awesomely embracing the whole "Captain's Log" concept. So many great entries for the new award, such great creativity and comedy. Bravo.

And now, we will take a 1 week break from our 300th Contest journey through the seasons to celebrate Singles Awareness Day AKA Valentine's Day for you happy people in love.

Enjoy!

And Happy Valentine's Day to you!

 

[LeadHead]

Tactical Officer's Log Supplemental. I really am a Chick Magnet.

Data: A Toast, to recurring action- I mean you being a recurring character.

Crusher: Jean-Luc, are you?

Picard: Yes! In extreme pain, I fell on my knee!

Riker: You're getting ahead of things. I wanted the synthale first!

Q: Wait, somebody sent you flowers, Geordi?

 

[Nerys Myk]

WORF: I don't know who exactly "Harry Mudd" is, but remind me to thank him.

Q: I'm looking for a T.O. Thefans, gotta a delivery for them from an R. Berman.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

TFTW, LeadHead!

Guinan: "Ha! Called your bluff, didn't she, Willie-Boy!"

 

[Finn]

Captain's Log. Stardate 48484.3 Beverly played the NX-01 holonovel, and finally told me what she tried to tell me all those years.

 

[FormerLurker]

Worf faces the long-standing dilemma of male attraction: Betty, or Veronica.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Riker (OS) "Mr. Worf, when you asked if you could bring back a couple of souvenirs from Risa, this isn't what I thought you meant."

 

[Captain Picard.]

Is there a John luk Pikurd?

Q:Is there a Worf here?
Worf: What is the meaning of this!?

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Q: "I have some flowers here for a 'Deanna Troi.' The card says, 'From the UFP Fifth Fleet.'"
Troi (OS): "Not funny, Q!"

 

[JirinPanthosa]

Worf's dilemma: How to get Q to keep the girls here while pretending he wants them re-disappeared.

DATA: You have made a good choice. Consumer reports has rated my sexual performance even higher than a real doll.

PATRICK STEWART: Psst. Act really affectionate Gates. That way the writers will be forced to write us a romance plot.

LAL: My father has informed me that you are a 'bad seed' and forbidden me from seeing you. According to my research into human teenage mating rituals, I should now be extremely attracted to you.

Before attempting to mate with Janeway, Picard was Q's first choice.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

D'Sora: "Data...are you trying to get me drunk?"
Data: "Yes! I was advised to do so by a trusted friend!"

 

[shivkala]

Worf: I'll be in my bunk...

Data: May I balance you against a diurnal course during the period of Earth's northern hemisphere from the summer solstice to the autumnal equinox? You possess more beauty and your body temperature is more pleasing to me.

Picard: So, what do you say? Will you make me the happiest captain in the fleet?

Crusher: I don't know, Captain Shelby does have Lt. Manuele Atoa aboard her ship. It's hard to see how someone with such a hunk of meat aboard her ship could be less than happy.

Picard: Doctor...

Crusher: Depends, is Lt. Atoa still single?

Riker: I'll be in my bunk...

Q: Listen, Counselor, I was paid to delivery a Strip-O-Gram and deliver a Strip-O-Gram I shall!

 

[TommyR01D]

Q: It's a message from...Major Kira...asking if I want to co-star with her in something called "Torchwood".

Picard: Oh, go away, Q, we've already had this picture once before!

 

[Triskelion]

Worf: On my planet, you would be considered too soft for a Klingon.

Showgirl: Is that anything like a strap-on? Cause I was going to say the same thing about you.

Data: "I am ze captain, and you are ze first mate. Promotions will follow quickly!"

D'Sora: Isn't that...Pepe LePew?

Data: I pierce you with the phaser bolt of love, flowerpot!

Picard: Would you do me the honor of making me your baby daddy?

Wesley: You're not my real dad!

Beverly: Shut up, Wesley! He's got a job and a car!

Wesley: It's a dune buggy!

Guinan: A "Kiss on the Lips" is just a drink, Lal.

Lal: Oh. Is that like when the Captain orders a "Slippery Bald Beaver?"

Guinan: Not really.

Q: The card says, from Jean Luc Skywalker to...Princess Beverleia?

Beverly: Tell him to polish his own light saber. I'm not wearing the bikini.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Worf: "Perhaps you could whisper sweet nothings into my ear. The blonde is just whispering 'nothing...nothing' over and over."

 

[Isis]

Wow, LeadHead, the Log Entry Award. Thanks.

The TNG/Leave It to Beaver crossover was not well received...which disappointed Q to no end as he had been all set to play Eddie Haskell.

Picard (OS): "Merde. I usually enjoy the bouquet-that-squirts-water-when-you-smell-it joke as much as the next person, but Beverly is due any second and this look isn't exactly an aphrodisiac."

 

[Finn]

First Officer's Log: Data has a shotgun in his quarters!

 

[Mojochi]

Thanks for another win

Worf: Which one of you takes a better punch in the throat?

Data: Would you like to hear another poem about a pussy?

Guinan: Go on Lal. Suck his tongue right out of his face. He's never used it for anything good anyhow

Q: These are from Vash. She said thanks for the rash

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Worf: "Klingons do not threesome!... Well it's more of a guideline than a hard and fast rule."

Data: "Since I have upgraded my software, would you say that I have become a more attentive, and ideal partner?"
Jenna: "If it was detachable, with its own power source, and you could leave it with me when you went on duty, then I would say you were ideal."

Picard: "Beverly, you would do me the greatest, and utmost honour, if you would consent to..."
Crusher: "... Oh, Jean Luc!"
Picard: "... do the catering at my wedding to Vash."

Guinan: "Note to self. Lal is not to serve cocktails."

Q: "Candygram for Mongo. Candygram for Mongo!"
Worf: "I am not amused."

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Crusher: "Well, Jean Luc, have you made up your mind? It's either Vash or me!"
Picard: "Actually, Vash came up with an intriguing alternative idea! Are you familiar with the term 'ménage à trois?'"