The Dating Advice and Support Thread

[Trekker4747]

Somewhat inspired by Aldo's now locked thread, in it some where offering support, hits, advice, etc. on dating so I thought it'd be nice to just have a running thread on the subject.

Here people are invited to talk openly about any dating experiences, advice, or troubles they may have bringing a sense of community to our, um, community.



So let your hair down, gather around and share in the experience of finding love.

 

[LitmusDragon]

I've recently re-discovered that I am awesome at going to a club or a bar and then not hitting on anybody ever. I could write a book about it. "How to be a wallflower"

Seriously, I've been trying to get out and meet women again (after a long, long hiatus) but I think I kind of hate myself. I go but then I never end up talking to the girl. Maybe if I do it enough times I'll get over myself eventually.

Not to be morbidly pathetic but my entire 20s went by without one instance of sex happening and now my 30s are threatening to do the same thing. I am really, really BAD at this.

At least I am serving as a cautionary example for others not to follow.

 

[Jetfire]

Just be yourself...but not too much.

 

[Aldo]

I hit on girls I work with and if they have boyfriends I pursue them.

I'll let you figure out if I'm being facetious or not.

 

[JarodRussell]

[yt]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mEZRApOIEXk[/yt]

 

[Aldo]

Obviously my last post I was joking...surprised no one tried to call me out on that

 

[Griever]

I've recently re-discovered that I am awesome at going to a club or a bar and then not hitting on anybody ever. I could write a book about it. "How to be a wallflower"

Seriously, I've been trying to get out and meet women again (after a long, long hiatus) but I think I kind of hate myself. I go but then I never end up talking to the girl. Maybe if I do it enough times I'll get over myself eventually.

Not to be morbidly pathetic but my entire 20s went by without one instance of sex happening and now my 30s are threatening to do the same thing. I am really, really BAD at this.

At least I am serving as a cautionary example for others not to follow.

I now delineate between what I call "short game" (the club) and "long game" (a group project where they get to know you ).

My short game has mostly been terrible, but my long game has always been as deadly accurate as Larry Bird or Reggie Miller from behind the arc.

I guess my advice is to figure out the best setting for you to reveal yourself and impress- obviously it's not a club where your time is short.

Maybe a book club?

 

[JoeZhang]

Maybe it's widely different in the US but I think once you get into your 30s, clubs are the wrong place to be looking.

 

[mari]

Yeah, I'm 31 and on the rare occasions I have time to go to the bar (with my sister and her boyfriend, usually), I am most certainly not going to respond to the creepers that hit on me there. I just want to drink my beer and laugh at the people singing karaoke.

Still trying to figure out a place to meet non-drunk people, though. I work at a children's store with an all-female staff, and all those other females are straight (damn them), so that's not happening. Someone needs to hold "Socially Awkward People Get-Togethers" and leave cards with conversation starters on the tables. If we managed to get any attendees, it could work.

 

[Vendikarr]

I guess my advice is to figure out the best setting for you to reveal yourself...

Be careful where you reveal yourself, you can get arrested for that.

Someone needs to hold "Socially Awkward People Get-Togethers" and leave cards with conversation starters on the tables. If we managed to get any attendees, it could work.

So a couple dozen people standing around not talking to anybody. Sounds like parties I've attended.

 

[LitmusDragon]

Whether or not I actually ever meet someone at a club or bar is kind of beside the point, I'd like to at least make the effort once just to prove that I can do it. It's like returning to the scene of a previous defeat and trying to reverse the outcome.

Just once I'd like to approach a girl in a friendly way and express interest. I can't seem to do it, and this fills me with disgust at myself for being so cowardly. I'm a competitive person by nature, I don't like having things I "can't" do.

I do appreciate the advice though, if I were looking for a statistically probable way to find a long term relationship, a book club would probably be a good way to do it.

 

[Vendikarr]

Whether or not I actually ever meet someone at a club or bar is kind of beside the point, I'd like to at least make the effort once just to prove that I can do it. It's like returning to the scene of a previous defeat and trying to reverse the outcome.

Just once I'd like to approach a girl in a friendly way and express interest. I can't seem to do it, and this fills me with disgust at myself for being so cowardly. I'm a competitive person by nature, I don't like having things I "can't" do.

I do appreciate the advice though, if I were looking for a statistically probable way to find a long term relationship, a book club would probably be a good way to do it.

You need a prop. Bring a crossword puzzle. Nothing to difficult, but not a dummies one either. Sit there and work on your puzzle. When a woman settles near you at the bar, give it a little while and ask her if she knows the answer to the line you're on. Make sure it's a not difficult, but one she can sincerly believe you needed help on.

If she gets it, compliment her on her smarts. Return to your puzzle and maybe ask her another one that you get 'stuck' on. After a while, she may be sitting close helping you with your puzzle. Chat while working the puzzle and before you know it, you're just getting to know each other.

 

[Jetfire]

One really needs to love who they are and be comfortable in their own skin...until that happens...it will be an up hill battle and most likely end up in disaster.

 

[Roshi]

Don't wait for the one...

 

[RoJoHen]

One really needs to love who they are and be comfortable in their own skin....

I do both of these things, but I still can't meet people.

For me, though, it's not "I suck at hitting on people."

It's "Everybody I'm attracted to is married already."

I can't even remember the last time I found a single girl that I liked; it's been years.

 

[LitmusDragon]

You need a prop. Bring a crossword puzzle. Nothing to difficult, but not a dummies one either. Sit there and work on your puzzle. When a woman settles near you at the bar, give it a little while and ask her if she knows the answer to the line you're on. Make sure it's a not difficult, but one she can sincerly believe you needed help on.

If she gets it, compliment her on her smarts. Return to your puzzle and maybe ask her another one that you get 'stuck' on. After a while, she may be sitting close helping you with your puzzle. Chat while working the puzzle and before you know it, you're just getting to know each other.

I appreciate the thought but this doesn't seem like my style at all. Too much obfuscation. I'd like to think that my style would be a charmingly inept directness- if I can find the courage to follow through on it.

One really needs to love who they are and be comfortable in their own skin...until that happens...it will be an up hill battle and most likely end up in disaster.

That's nice and all and I have been working on that, but I'm sort of running out of time over here.

I'm been pretty negative in this thread but that's only because the social scene puts me in a very negative place. I know that I'm out of my element and I can't help but feel outclassed by everyone who is younger, better looking, or more comfortable than I am. Nevertheless I think it's not inconceivable that I might find the courage to tell some woman somewhere that I like the way that she laughs, or something equally harmless. Stranger things have happened.

 

[Jetfire]

For me, though, it's not "I suck at hitting on people."

It's "Everybody I'm attracted to is married already."

I can't even remember the last time I found a single girl that I liked; it's been years.

I don't know what to say. Maybe you should talk to someone about this...cause it just doesn't sound right...there may be a deeper issue...there has to be a ton of single women that you find attractive.

That's nice and all and I have been working on that, but I'm sort of running out of time over here.

I'm been pretty negative in this thread but that's only because the social scene puts me in a very negative place. I know that I'm out of my element and I can't help but feel outclassed by everyone who is younger, better looking, or more comfortable than I am. Nevertheless I think it's not inconceivable that I might find the courage to tell some woman somewhere that I like the way that she laughs, or something equally harmless. Stranger things have happened.

I think if you want it...you just have to do it...go out...internet dating...introduction service...asking friends and family if they know someone...nothing happens by standing still...I know.

 

[Pingfah]

That's nice and all and I have been working on that, but I'm sort of running out of time over here.

I'm been pretty negative in this thread but that's only because the social scene puts me in a very negative place. I know that I'm out of my element and I can't help but feel outclassed by everyone who is younger, better looking, or more comfortable than I am. Nevertheless I think it's not inconceivable that I might find the courage to tell some woman somewhere that I like the way that she laughs, or something equally harmless. Stranger things have happened.

You just need a hobby where you meet people. There's loads, just pick one.

 

[RoJoHen]

For me, though, it's not "I suck at hitting on people."

It's "Everybody I'm attracted to is married already."

I can't even remember the last time I found a single girl that I liked; it's been years.

I don't know what to say. Maybe you should talk to someone about this...cause it just doesn't sound right...there may be a deeper issue...there has to be a ton of single women that you find attractive.

I issue is that I don't meet single girls. In my entire office, which is 90% female, only one of them is single.

In my last job, all the girls were either married, in a relationship, or were single mothers (nothing against single mothers; I just have no interest in getting involved with someone that already has kids).

So it's not that I'm only attracted to married women. It's that I very rarely meet women that aren't married!

 

[Jetfire]

^
You need to get out brotha!