DS9 Caption Contest #33: What did you say?

[LeadHead]

Good evening to you all! Lets get right to our winners!

First up to the plate, we have the "Jack Bauer Award for Interrogation" going to:

Odo: "If he sneezes in here, with those four nostrils, well...it could take days to clean up"

Markalian: "Aaa....aaaa.....aaaaa......"

Quark: "Alright! Alright! I admit it! I was in on the gambling pool!"

Next, we have the "Oooops!" Award going to:

Bareil: "That's not what you grab to check my pagh."

Next, we have the "Well, it's usually sunny when they actually beam down to a planet" Award goes to:

Julian: "Are you detecting anything, Chief?"
O'Brien: "Yeah. Wetness. These crappy Starfleet issue away mission boots aren't the least bit waterproof."

Next, the "Plain and Simple Tailor" Award goes to:

Sisko: "Dammit! Garak's been placing little toy surveillance bugs in my model again."

Next, the "Alien Cuisine" Award goes to:

Bashir loved Tholian food, but it didn't love him.

KIRA: I like it rough.

BARIEL: Now there's a suprise.

Congratulations to all our winners and many thanks to all our contestants! Now, lets go onto our new contest!

 

[LeadHead]

Odo: This way, Ambassador Ostrich.

O'Brien: This one doesn't work, so we're making you use it.

Worf: The upstairs neighbors are playing Justin Beiber again.

Sisko: Set Phasers to maximum.

Sometimes, it takes sedation to make Bashir shut up.

Dax: Benjamin! You've been welding for 3 days! We're trying to sleep!

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Odo: Look, you stick your head in the sand and your ass up in the air, what do you expect?! Beat it! I've got real crimes to investigate!"

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Thanks for the win.

Emu: "Constable. I hope my quarters are prepared. Even as we speak, the last remnants of human resistance are being pacified - the emu coup was a complete success. As per directives from the new regime, I am now in command of Deep Space Nine".

Worf: "There, sir!"

Sisko: "I see him, Commander".

Worf: "Neither of us can be responsible. All four of our hands are accounted for. Why is he up there?"

Sisko: "Perhaps the idea of you and I, weapons in hand, being supremely badass together, is classified as fanwank?"

Worf: "I see..."

O'Brien: That was 50 cc you wanted, Julian? Not 15, 50?

Bashir (thinking): Crap.

Dax: "When you stormed out of the admirals' staff meeting and shouted that you'd SHOW THEM ALL I thought you were going to write a report or something!"

Sisko: "Can't talk. Obsessing".

Dax: "Is that a flamethrower?"

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Odo: "Well, yes, it is tonight and it is in Ballroom 4, but it's an emo convention!"

 

[Admiral Shran]

Odo (thinking): For crying out loud, I even have to explain this to birds now?!

Odo: Listen up, because I'm only going to say this once.... our show is superior to Babylon 5.

O'Brien: Look Nerys, Keiko found out what we were really doing when I was massaging your shoulders. It would really be better for me if you just used this on me now.

And so, the Great Vole Infestation of 2373 ended before it could even truly begin.

Morn (offscreen): Oh thank God! I thought he would never shut up.

Dax: Pay attention to me! It's been five minutes since I last spoke!

 

[Jonas Grumby]

O'Brien: "Keiko is thinking about having breast enhancement surgery! We just have to find a good doctor. Who did yours?"

 

[BlobVanDam]

Nerys: "I'm thinking about having breast enhancement surgery! We just have to find a good doctor. Who did yours?"

 

[Nerys Myk]

ODO: This way to the galley...er, your quarters.

KIRA: Looks like the Captain will be droning on for a while. If I start to nod off zap me.

SISKO: You ever see the movie "Alien"?

WORF: No, why do you ask?

SISKO (nervously): No reason...just making conversation.

KIRI: I use a phaser when I need to get through one of the Captains speeches.

BASHIR: Stimulants are more effective.

DAX: You can't build an Iron Man suit!!!! Its not possible!!!

SISKO: Thats what they said about building this basement!!!!!

 

[highlander]

Kira: thinking.."Damn it, it was a phaser in his pocket. So he wasn't happy to see me."

Thanks for the win!

 

[highlander]

Apparently Odo had heard that the bird was the word.

 

[Rush Limborg]

Odo: G'day...!

Emu: Crikey--didn't know you blokes could put on the accent, mate!

Odo: Hmmph! Shape-shifting vocal cords come in handy for diplomacy.

O'Brien: Now, pay attention, Major. THIS...is called a stun setting. You usually set the phaser to this, all right?

Somehow...when Worf and Sisko had heard about the initiation ceremony into the Hall Of Awesomeness being a "thriller"...this wasn't quite what they were expecting.

Julian Bashir's mind rebelled at stagnation. Give him problems--give him work--give him the most obtuse cryptogram, the most intricate analysis--and he was in his proper atmosphere.

Then he could dispose of...artificial stimulents.

Jadzia: BENJAMIN--I HATE TO BREAK IT TO YOU, BUT THAT IS NOT THE BEST WAY TO GET THROUGH TO A WOMAN WHO'S LOCKED HER DOOR ON YOU!!!

 

[Mysterion]

ODO: Rod Hull is waiting for you right in here...

 

[Gepard]

DAX: You can't build an Iron Man suit!!!! Its not possible!!!

SISKO: Thats what they said about building this basement!!!!!

And the TrekBBS In-Joke Award goes to....

 

[Smellincoffee]

Sisko: Their quarters should be directly above our heads. Commence firing!
Worf's greatest contribution of Deep Space Nine was the tradition of panty-raiding.

And thus ended another chorus of "Secret Agent Man".

Dax, shouting: And another thing! You never listen to me when I try to talk to you! All you do is no and murmur meaninglessly!
Sisko, nodding: Mmm-hmmm, mm-hmm. Go on.

 

[milo bloom]

Odo had been conversing with, and showing the emu around for nearly an hour before someone finally told him it wasn't a changeling, just an escapee from the station's petting zoo.

 

[T'Girl]

Worf: "How did that cat get up there?"

 

[highlander]

Dax was so proud of herself when she nailed the lead in the DS9 Glee Club's production of Flashdance.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Thanks for the win!

Odo: "If I take you to my office, you can look through some mug shots and show me who attacked you."
Bird: "Ok, but I'm warning you in advance, I always get Captain Birdseye and Colonel Sanders mixed up."

O'Brien: "It's called a Dustbuster. There are two settings, suck and blow. It's best if you don't get them mixed up."

Sisko: "Have you ever listened to those clapped-out old pipes? 'Nureek'ing and 'retut'ing, and just when you expect them to 'nureek' again, they 'squrlookal'! It's enough to make a perfectly sane person crazy!!!"
Worf: "It's quite amazing, the number of people those pipes have driven to the very brink of psychosis. General Martok spent the night in there once, and he ended up trying to suffocate himself to death with a bregit lung sandwich."

Lou Reed's Perfect Day starts playing...

Sisko "What was that!"
Dax: "Can you turn off the A-Team theme song."
Sisko: "I pity the fool that touches my stereo."
Dax: "You can't pull that off."
Sisko: "I ain't getting on no starship."
Dax: "And stop painting the runabouts black with red stripes."

 

[Vulpes]

The emu was unimpressed with Garak's "I'm a Little Teapot".

"I was right! You don't have an Adam's Apple! Pay up!"