How can an Introvert show Personality?

[tomalak301]

The last few weeks I've been attending these job search meetings and last night I got called out on my personality by the speaker after the meeting was over. I was getting advice on how to improve my resume (Which the whole meeting was about, making your resume stand out in the crowd) and then she said something to the effect of when I was asking questions I didn't show personality.

It got me thinking after I left if that was appropriate the say. I mean it's one thing to show personality with a recruiter, but that is a one on one kind of thing and it's more intimate. When you're in a setting of a classroom (Which this kind of was last night), how do you show personality? Yeah there is smiling a lot, but you don't want to over do it and show arrogance do you?

I know I'm not the most socially aware person, but it is something I try to work on. I was really looking for examples from her last night on ways I can improve and one thing she even suggested (if I was talking to a guy) was if they watched the National Championship Game last night (Thus, stereotyping all guys as being sports fans, even though I didn't watch the game, but I am a sports fan). Her point, and it's something I can take to heart, was to show connection to the person you're talking to.

So I was wondering, if you're an introvert (Or even extrovert but I would think it would be harder as an introvert) and you're meeting a recruiter or interviewer for the first time, how do you build a connection with that person, allow the personality to come through, and "stand out?"

 

[Asbo Zaprudder]

You sound like you are a closet Englishman - reserved, emotions repressed, and contemplative --and not like a typical American male - brash, in your face, and loud. I'm not saying either extreme is bad, but your innate personality does affect the sort of job that you should apply for if you want to have any chance of being considered seriously. Not all Englishmen fit their stereotype either, by the way.

 

[Kestra]

I'm naturally reserved in public but I've learned to fake being more outgoing. I'm not sure if you're looking for how to be more extroverted on interview settings, or what here. Basically an introvert shows personality by becoming more outgoing.

 

[tomalak301]

I'm naturally reserved in public but I've learned to fake being more outgoing. I'm not sure if you're looking for how to be more extroverted on interview settings, or what here. Basically an introvert shows personality by becoming more outgoing.

I think what I'm looking for is just in general social. I mean it depends on the environment, but the idea stays the same, needing to learn how to make connections with people.

 

[Vulcan Princess]

As a fellow introvert, I find this to be a challenge, too. If I die and go to hell, my punishment will inevitably be a networking event for all eternity.

One thing I've done to help with small talk is to ask questions. People love to talk about themselves. Then you can just listen, ask some follow up questions, etc.

Also, you can print this out and hand it to people who think you don't have enough personality.

 

[Kestra]

Just take interest in people. Ask them about themselves, or make sure to pay attention when they're talking. Follow up with something about yourself that shows you were listening to them, understood what they're saying, and can relate.

 

[Mr Silver]

Just take interest in people. Ask them about themselves, or make sure to pay attention when they're talking. Follow up with something about yourself that shows you were listening to them, understood what they're saying, and can relate.

Thats more or less what I was about to say, however for some people its just not as simple as that. Some of us suffer from the jitters. When I was a kid, I was really bad for it. I couldn't even go into a shop and buy something, let alone have a proper conversation with people I didn't know.

I learned that it was just something I had to do. As a performer and a musician, i've realised that in most cases, theres no need to be nervous. You are in control, you are responsible for providing the people in the audience entertainment. Being a performer, is a bit like conducting an Orchestra of people, you can say or do stuff to get a reaction and what you do depends on the reaction.

I find it helpful to imagine this mindset when meeting new people.

(And theres bound to be someone who will say "I recommend you start drinking heavily" or something stupid along these lines, so i've ruined the meme before they have a chance to use it )

 

[Kestra]

Just take interest in people. Ask them about themselves, or make sure to pay attention when they're talking. Follow up with something about yourself that shows you were listening to them, understood what they're saying, and can relate.

Thats more or less what I was about to say, however for some people its just not as simple as that. Some of us suffer from the jitters.

Oh, I'm not saying that it's easy. I'm 28 and I still get incredibly nervous, even after years of forcing myself to be outgoing. My parents made me do debate in high school, telling me that it would make it easier for me to speak in front of people. It didn't. I think it may have even made it worse!

The thing is, it's simply a skill you have to learn whether it's easy or difficult. You might be a wonderful person and have a rich inner life but that doesn't mean anything by itself.

And believe me, I really do know what it means to be shy. I'm thinking about going to a meetup tonight in the city with a bunch of nerds I found online, and just the thought of it makes me get panicky.

 

[tomalak301]

And believe me, I really do know what it means to be shy. I'm thinking about going to a meetup tonight in the city with a bunch of nerds I found online, and just the thought of it makes me get panicky.

That's one reason I've never even thought of doing a BBS meet up (Or participating in one) despite them not really happening much in the Bay Area. (Surprised there wasn't one for the recent Star Trek convention that was held here which is rare these days). I'm just shy when it comes to talking to new people and I think even on here I need to learn that while there is some anonymity here, everyone I interact with here are people too and most definitely should be treated as such.

 

[Spot's Meow]

It's tough. I'm really introverted as well and making small talk is really not easy for me. I know I should ask people questions about themselves but when I'm in the situation I honestly cannot think of anything to ask them, my mind is a total blank. Questions I do think of always seem far too personal for me to ask. So now I study questions to ask ahead of time, just as I would study interview questions that might be asked. I think of a recent, non-controversial topic in the news or pop culture and structure exactly how I would bring up these topics in a casual way. This has worked for me, preventing long awkward silences when you are sitting waiting for the interview to start or after it ends. So I guess my advice is just to plan out some topics ahead of time that you can bring up if need be.

 

[Robert Maxwell]

I used to be extremely shy and introverted. The only way I got over it was by going out and being around people--essentially desensitizing myself. It's not really something you work up the courage to do, you just do it, and then you realize it wasn't as bad as you expected.

 

[JiNX-01]

I'm naturally reserved in public but I've learned to fake being more outgoing.

Yeah, me too. I'm not much for chatting with strangers, but if I have to, I can pull off a somewhat extroverted personality.

 

[Amaris]

I'm an introvert who has become quite proficient at being extroverted. For me, smiling at people helps me to become more capable of raising up to that level and engaging them in conversation. Of course, when I'm alone, I become introverted again.

 

[Kelthaz]

That's a good question and one I've struggled with a lot. Fortunately I'm a Computer Science student, so I don't think "energetic personality" is going to be part of the criteria for any future jobs of mine unless I end up at McDonalds. That dreaded small talk is a killer though.

Just take interest in people. Ask them about themselves, or make sure to pay attention when they're talking. Follow up with something about yourself that shows you were listening to them, understood what they're saying, and can relate.

Yeah, but people are boring. I enjoy talking to people about deep issues or delving deeply into something a little more mundane ("where you grew up"), but the more light, social chatting is really, really boring. I can try to fake it, but my mind starts to wander and my lack of interest is obvious.

 

[Kirby]

It's tough. I'm really introverted as well and making small talk is really not easy for me. I know I should ask people questions about themselves but when I'm in the situation I honestly cannot think of anything to ask them, my mind is a total blank.

This is me completely. I've read a few books on small talk, but whenever I try, it always comes out uncomfortable. I'm perfectly fine when other people initiate conversations with me, but once that is over, unless the person asks another question the conversation is doomed.

 

[Shatnertage]

I tend to be introverted, so I like to ask open-ended questions and let the other person do a lot of talking. This makes things really tough when the other person also prefers to let someone else talk. Recently I took a colleague out to lunch and the conversation was like this:

Me: Hey, the chicken's pretty good.

Him: Yeah, it is.

Me: So I guess Vegas is pretty different from XXXXXXXX (his hometown).

Him: Yeah, it is.

Me: So what are you doing while you're in town?

Him: Mostly work stuff.

Real nice guy, but that conversation was a funny one.

Mostly I just convince myself that the other person is even more introverted than I am, so I'm doing them a favor by breaking the ice.

 

[Asbo Zaprudder]

If anyone told me I had no personality, I'd tell them that they're a cunt. What a nerve.

 

[Ethros]

"Having a personality" is like people who say they have "attitude"

What does that even mean? That you're an arsehole?


I'll happily be known as introvert any day of the week than act like some loud-mouth prick

 

[tomalak301]

If anyone told me I had no personality, I'd tell them that they're a cunt. What a nerve.

Well, I can't do that in the middle of a job interview.

Like this lady last night, I've never seen her before and based on her observations, she told me I had no personality. I can't go calling her names in response.

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

Your question is a good one. This kind of thing really killed mr. teacake during job searches. It doesn't help that you are there for one thing only and making small talk feels kind of forced. One problem he had that seems common in strong introverts is his answers were too economical. "So do you think you would be able to bring <some jobspeak crap> to this position?" "Yes." You have to elaborate in every answer in a positive and hopefully upbeat way. I think one thing introverts don't always realize is that if you don't say much people fill in the blanks. This is why perfectly nice people will get a reputation socially as being stuck up, because their reticence of speech is interpreted that way. You have to always be aware of this. Strong extroverts always have 1000 things to say about anything and your lack of input can be read as a deliberate negative.

I am strong introvert who is now very socially proficient but it took a lot of study and practice, and in some situations you are really acting a part. That's okay too, think of it as you making the other people comfortable by being more outgoing.