DS9 Caption Contest #20: Time on the Defiant

[LeadHead]

Happy Holidays to everyone! Sorry I wasn't able to get this up earlier, the holidays ended up being surprisingly busy for Yours Truly.

In honor of the holidays and as punishment for my tardiness, Everyone is a winner!

Lets have a few shout outs!

First, the shout out for excellence in making tragedy seem funny at least in captions,

Bashier: "pleasedon'tbeblue, pleasedon'tbeblue, pleasedon'tbeblue ... fuck. Jadzia's pregnant."

Garak: "With a baby, right?"

Bashier: "Of course, don't be silly, what el ... do Trill lay eggs in their hosts?"

Garak: "Hum. I think this may call for a sudden and untimely death."

Our next shout out is for Underwhelming X-Mas gifts,

Odo: What is Betamax?

Next, the shout out for failure to ask your Strategic Operations officer or Chief of Operations about your new Barber,

Sisko: "Whaaa?! Dammit, Mott, I said a little off the top and over the ears! No wonder they kicked your ass off the Enterprise!"

Next, the shout out for Excellence in Monty Python References,

Quark: The lady of the lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft EXCALIBUR from the bosom of the water, signifying by Divine Providence that I, Quark, son of Keldar, was to carry her to you and enoble your house. THAT is why you must marry me.
Grilka: Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a lifelong committment, you deranged p'taq!

Next, the shout out for not forgetting where it came from,

Worf: What is it?
Sisko: *sharply* It's a clock. *suddenly* Give me a phaser! I'll get rid of Kira!
Worf: What?!
Sisko: Oh sorry, I was having a flashback to a season 1 episode. You wouldn't remember, you weren't even here yet.

Next, our Shout out for not looking before you leap

ODO: Come on guys, I'm the bloody Constable! Show some respect! At least wait till my back is turned before you conduct an illegal transaction!

And our Photoshop shout out goes to,

This contest will go the normal 2 weeks. See ya in the new year!

 

[LeadHead]

Kira: Geez, Captain. You really make THAT much more than I do a year?

Dax: We're gonna tune in to see the Video Game Awards, there' no way they'd end up being underwhelming. Neil Patrick Harris is hosting!

Worf: So Jadzia is sending dirty notes to me through Ensigns now?

O'Brien: We're being flashed!

Kira: Not again, somebody put some clothes on Jadzia.

O'Brien: Welcome aboard Captain.

Sisko: Thank you. Ah, you've got Garak here to meet me too. That means Jake is aboard and safe, right?

O'Brien: Yeah.... about that....

 

[tharpdevenport]

Commander Worf: "Yes, what is it, ensign?"
Ensign: "Important subspace communication, here you go, sir."
Worf: "Thank you, ensign. Hummm ... Waafa Mustafa, Nigeria III ..... report to Airlock 2 and blow yourself out it immediately, ensign."
Ensign: "Yes, sor!"

Sisko: "Thank the prophets! You saved me, cheif!!! A battle between Dukat and myself insued and I had to push him over the cliff into the firey pit. I'd be dead for sure if it--"

O'Brian: "Whoa -- you're not our timeline captain; this must be some kind of temporal violation; transporting back."

Sisko: While glittering away, "Oh, you sonsofbitches..."

 

[Smellincoffee]

Kira: ...the f-
Sisko, sternly: That's inappropriate language, colonel. (beat)
...actually, considering what we're seeing here, I'd say it IS appropriate.
Dax: I never knew the admiral was that flexible.

Redshirt: Commander, we've received new orders --
Worf: Shh.
Redshirt: They're top priority, sir.
Worf, frustrated: This Zapdos refuses to stay inside the PokeBall. It has no honor.

O'Brien: Captain, I'll have to abort the transport if you don't assume a more docile stance. You'll overload our transporter's Awesome buffers.

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRA: Does my hair really look like that?

WORF:You are correct, it is your turn to sit at the table.

SISKO:Who's the wise ass humming "Billie Jean"?

 

[tharpdevenport]

Worf: "Yes, ensign, what is it?"

Ensign: "Priority messege."

Worf: Taking the pad, "Let me see ... 'Are uniforms are red, the panels are blue, I love pointy ridges, why don't we scre --' today is a GOOD DAY for you to die, ensign."




And thank you fo the win!

 

[AdmiralGarak]

Worf: "♪ I feel pretty, Oh, so pretty♫... EEKKK!"
Kira: "Err... Sorry, Commander. We were trying to reach Ops. Continue showering."

And so to escape the Mutant Star Goat threatening to devour the station, the crew departed in three Defiants. The crew members vital to the running of the station-- your Siskos and your O'Briens-- escaped in the A-Defiant. The crew members who made the show colorful and exciting-- your Quarks and your Garaks-- fled the station on the C-Defiant. The rest of the lot fled in the B-Defiant.

Dax: "Any progress repairing the controls to turn us around?"
Pilot: "No, sir. It's almost as if they don't exist."
Dax: "Any sign of the A-Defiant or the C-Defiant since we left the station?"
Nog: "No, sir. Do you think the Goat got them?"
Dax: "It must have. Inform Captain Worf. He's in his bath."

Worf: "Vampires! Why does nobody ever write books about sparkly Klingons?"

O'Brien: "Ah, hello again, Captain Picard! Umm, sir, could you move your head out of the lights, please?"

 

[Nerys Ghemor]

Dax (to Sisko): See? Gul Dukat has somehow rerouted all of our outgoing signals to a channel with prefix "1-900." Whatever that is.

Kira: I SWEAR to the Prophets, Dukat! You had better keep that zipper in the upright and locked position--

Dukat (on subspace, in a sultry voice): It IS very much upright and locked, my lady...

Kira: PROPHETS DAMN IT!!!!!





[Ugh...need brain bleach now. Gul Dukat is just...ick.]

 

[Supernuke]

Ensign: Sir, four Dominion ships have just appeared off our port bow; what do we do?
Worf: So I shoot the birds at the pigs? Is that how this works?

 

[DS9 Gal AZ]

Thanks for the win!

Dax: What the hell ...?
Sisko: Oh god, it's JJ Abrams' version of the original Star Trek - LENS FLARE! Major, avert your eyes - !
Dax: *sadly and softly* It's too late Ben. She's already gone.

Dax: Hey gold shirt, do I look like a bad-ass in this pose?
Gold shirt: Umm ... not really.
Dax: Wrong answer. To the Brig with you! Bet you think I'm a bad-ass now, don'tcha?

Redshirt: I'm so sorry sir ... but Major Kira and Commander Dax said it was girl's only club ...
Worf: But I have a feminine side, damn it! Why can't they recognize that? They have no honor! *pouts*

Kira: Oh no, not the lens flare again!
O'Brien: AUGH! My eyes! IT BURNS!

O'Brien: Welcome back, Captain Picard.
Sisko: What?!
O'Brien: Oh sorry, sorry, Captain Sisko! All you bald-headed captains start to look the same to me after a while...
Sisko: You've got to be kidding me ... listen mister, if this is your idea of a joke, maybe you should have tried it when I didn't have a phaser with me ...
O'Brien: *gulp*

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Thanks for the win!

Sisko: "So, according to the library computer, the 'Kumeh Maneuver' is not a battle tactic?"
Kira: "Apparently not!"
Dax: "Doesn't it hurt him when she leans back like that?"

Worf: "Major Kira, could you come take a look at this?"
Kira: "I'm on my break."

 

[Kirby]

Thanks for the win!

Dax: So you travelled back in time and starred in Spencer for Hire?
Kira: Beacuse the Prophets told you to?
Sisko: Hey, the Emissary doesn't argue with the Orb of Bad-assery.

Worf: I will file a complaint immediately. These birds are not angry enough!

O'Brien: The shields are holding Major but they won't last forever.

Kira: We just have to keep the lens flares out for a few more minutes.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Kira: "I think he's angry now -- cheif, what did you say to him?"

O'Brian: "All I said was he wasn't 'awesome', but rather 'hammy' at best."

 

[alte]

Re: DS9 Caption Contest #20: Xmas Time on the Defiant

...and that's it for Xmas and Sisko Santa...until next year when he comes back to life somehow.

Merry New Year...alte.

 

[Captain Crow]

Dax: How long has Kira been like this?

Sisko: About four hours. I warned her not to watch "2 Girls 1 Cup". But would she listen to me? Noooooooo!

 

[alte]

Re: DS9 Caption Contest #20: Time on the Star Destroyer...

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Kira: What in the name of the Prophets is THIS? It's horrible!!

Dax: I know. It's enough to shock your spots right off.

Sisko: It's an ancient Earth custom called 'goatse'.

 

[Nerys Myk]

Kira: What in the name of the Prophets is THIS? It's horrible!!

Sisko: An old Earth show called "Babylon 5".

Kira: It was popular?

Sisko: In some circles.

Dax: You're kidding? Molly O'Brien could write better dialog. And I'm a better actor than most of the cast!

 

[Isis]

Sisko: "Jadzia, I told you it was a bad idea to give her Simon for Christmas."

The crew was absolutely transfixed by the planet's strange custom. When Sisko found out, he immediately had the Rose Bowl Parade added to the station's banned programming list.

Worf: "What is this 'poke' and how do I retaliate?"

Sisko: "The bad news is I wasn't able to change the course of 21st Century Earth history. The good news is I won 'America's Top Model'."

 

[Nerys Myk]

WORF: Truely, this Evil Twin has no honor....

REDSHIRT: Sir. The Cardassian fleet....

WORF: Do not interupt me when I'm watching my stories!!!