Bullying is a problem in our society

[Jetfire]

Bullies feed off of fear...so if I knew what I knew now...I would have just faced off with these jerks head on. I think it goes both ways...parents don't empower their children to face challenges.

[edit] If the bullying is physical then get the law involved because it is BS.

[add] I was bullied by my older brother for the longest time and my parents pretty much laughed along with him...because they didn't see his torment as anything wrong...then when I was bullied at school...I didn't know how to deal with it other than take it...because my parents didn't teach me to stand up.

 

[KJbushway]

That was probably what they did do. I don't know I am not you, but this is my theory:
They used your brother for you in that it would build your strength and confidence, and maybe the laughing was trying to get you mad enough to stand up to your brother and gain you confidence and self-esteem.

 

[Deranged Nasat]

I don't know I am not you, but this is my theory:
They used your brother for you in that it would build your strength and confidence, and maybe the laughing was trying to get you mad enough to stand up to your brother and gain you confidence and self-esteem.

Sadly, I suspect you're on to something there. I've had people inflict harm on me out of the warped idea that they were helping. Including people literally beating me to "toughen me up" and seemingly convinced it was for the best. And, yes, what people want is to get you angry and aggressive yourself. They think that's how you survive and prosper (by aggressively seeking power and control) and by encouraging that they feel they're training you for survival. "Being cruel to be kind". What you have to do is resist them, and show people that strength comes through community and interdependence, not aggression and us-against-outsider. Which means you have to refuse to be drawn into their world of anger and aggression. The only time in my life I've been violent was when I was 12- I finally snapped after the mistreatment and attacked one of my classmates who was provoking me. I've always been ashamed in the extreme over that- not because I think it was unjustified (it was entirely justified) but because in that moment I played right into the hands of the society that had allowed me to be so mistreated. That's what they wanted- to turn me into an angry young man who'd "fight" (in more ways than one), because they simply couldn't accept a boy who felt no desire to do that. So if he won't aggress and seek dominance and buy into pack mentality and live as we do, we'll just torment him until he becoms like us out of a desire to make it stop.

People think you "build character" and encourage self-esteem through pain and aggression. You don't. I had all the materials I needed to give myself a healthy sense of esteem - empathy, a desire to help others, hard work in school, desire to befriend, etc- but society refused to acknowledge those, largely because it didn't have the stable, supportive community in place to make use of me. And the way I was treated pretty much destroyed most of my self-esteem and strength, rather than promote its growth. Confidence results when you're secure in yourself and know you "belong" to a community of friends, family, associates, etc. Who cares what someone says or does to you if you have that to fall back on?

Those who try to build character and encourage strength through aggression have no idea what strength truly is.

 

[KJbushway]

If everyone understood this, Planet Earth just might have peace. I personally went through the same thing. They got their wish I started workinout, got stronger, and learned how to fight. Of course I would have became the bully later one, but one summer I prevented that from happening.

 

[BolianAuthor]

The best way to keep bullying alive is to give attention to those doing the bullying. I was teased a lot in school until I made the realization that people only have power when you give it to them.

 

[KJbushway]

Yes, I came to that conclusion late in my many years of getting bullied. Yes, thats a solution but only to the people able to come that conclusion in time.

 

[Mary Ann]

The best way to keep bullying alive is to give attention to those doing the bullying. I was teased a lot in school until I made the realization that people only have power when you give it to them.

This is true. My 12-year-old son is harassed almost every day by a classmate and he's just ignoring it and doesn't let it bother him, and the harasser is starting to back off because he's not getting a reaction. My son is small for his age, soft-spoken, and a kind little soul, and he's been picked on quite often because he appears easy to victimise. Already he understands why this happens and how pathetic this makes the bullies. I don't like my son being bullied, of course, but he's handling it well.

 

[KJbushway]

Thats good and congrats to your son for being strong.
Hopefully that kind side will stay with him, many kids like this(I know I used to be one) can't hang on to it after constant bullying.

 

[Mary Ann]

I changed high schools because of bullying. It was the best thing I ever did. I was very happy at my new high school, made lifelong friends and gained confidence I never would have had in the old school. I never had the strength my son has, and I'm damned proud of him.

 

[Lonemagpie]

Hm, the same question as today's Writer's Block on the blogosphere...

What can you do to stop bullying? Probably nothing - it's in childrens' nature to test the boundaries of their world this way, and they haven't developed morals and mores yet.

Teaching kids self-defence, especially in soft non-striking arts, would probably be a good practical step to at least give the victims more chance to deflect blows and escape.

I suspect the only chance you've got to stop it is to make it not cool, and, with more difficulty, to make the kids obsessed with lording it over other kids think doing it by bullying is not cool.

How you do that, short of brain surgery, I have no fucking idea.

(I say this as someone who grew up in a culture of physical bullying - I went to the school of hard knocks, the university of life and the college of getting the shit kicked out of me. As recently as a couple of years ago when I visited home I still got called the same names from school by the fucking kids of the fucking bullies who were at my school, who'd taught their younger siblings and own kids to have a go at me because they thought it was funny!)

 

[JarodRussell]

The best way to keep bullying alive is to give attention to those doing the bullying. I was teased a lot in school until I made the realization that people only have power when you give it to them.

This is true. My 12-year-old son is harassed almost every day by a classmate and he's just ignoring it and doesn't let it bother him, and the harasser is starting to back off because he's not getting a reaction. My son is small for his age, soft-spoken, and a kind little soul, and he's been picked on quite often because he appears easy to victimise. Already he understands why this happens and how pathetic this makes the bullies. I don't like my son being bullied, of course, but he's handling it well.

Oh that can be quite dangerous in some cases.

 

[Nerdius Maximus]

I was bullied by a few kids in elementary school. It sucked. They'd spit on me, call me names, push me around and hit me, etc. On Valentine's day, everybody had these little "mailboxes" for their cards, and I put a death threat in his. It made him cry! I got talked to about it, but that was about it. Then one day he walked past my desk and I tripped him, and he fell on his ass in front of the whole class. After those two incidents, he left me alone. I still had to put up with the others, though. I was weak and nerdy and shy, so I couldn't really put up much of a fight at the time. The whole experience toughened me up, though, and by the time I got to junior high I'd learned how to defend myself.

 

[bigdaddy]

Solutions???

Hate to tell you but this sort of behavior has been going on since the species came down from the trees.

Read some history, read some Shakespere, read some ancient Greek and Roman texts.

It's deplorable but we seem to be hard-wired for it....

Exactly. A few sick teens kill themselves and everyone is like the sky is falling!

 

[Nerdius Maximus]

Solutions???

Hate to tell you but this sort of behavior has been going on since the species came down from the trees.

Read some history, read some Shakespere, read some ancient Greek and Roman texts.

It's deplorable but we seem to be hard-wired for it....

Exactly. A few sick teens kill themselves and everyone is like the sky is falling!

The suicides are tragic, but it does concern me that people might try to use them as a reason to pass a bunch of ridiculous anti-bullying laws that will result in the "bullies'" lives being completely destroyed. Bullies are messed up kids who need guidance and direction. Instituting harsh legal punishments for bullying almost guarantees that those kids will end up criminals someday.

 

[Mary Ann]

The suicides are tragic, but it does concern me that people might try to use them as a reason to pass a bunch of ridiculous anti-bullying laws that will result in the "bullies'" lives being completely destroyed. Bullies are messed up kids who need guidance and direction. Instituting harsh legal punishments for bullying almost guarantees that those kids will end up criminals someday.

It's six of one and half a dozen of the other, isn't it? On the one hand bullying should not be tolerated but on the other hand no one bullies for no reason, and there are, indeed, a lot of messed-up kids out there, the majority with messed-up parents. This is why I agree with schools taking a hard stance on bullying. If the schools don't do it, where are the bullies going to learn to change their behaviour and get the support that they themselves need? There are parents out there who either can't give their children the support they need or, in some cases, the parents simply don't care. So, yes, bullies need support, but their victims should not have to suffer because of this.

 

[RJDiogenes]

Solutions???

Hate to tell you but this sort of behavior has been going on since the species came down from the trees.

Read some history, read some Shakespere, read some ancient Greek and Roman texts.

It's deplorable but we seem to be hard-wired for it....

Exactly. A few sick teens kill themselves and everyone is like the sky is falling!

Yeah, it's just collateral damage.

 

[Nerdius Maximus]

The suicides are tragic, but it does concern me that people might try to use them as a reason to pass a bunch of ridiculous anti-bullying laws that will result in the "bullies'" lives being completely destroyed. Bullies are messed up kids who need guidance and direction. Instituting harsh legal punishments for bullying almost guarantees that those kids will end up criminals someday.

It's six of one and half a dozen of the other, isn't it? On the one hand bullying should not be tolerated but on the other hand no one bullies for no reason, and there are, indeed, a lot of messed-up kids out there, the majority with messed-up parents. This is why I agree with schools taking a hard stance on bullying. If the schools don't do it, where are the bullies going to learn to change their behaviour and get the support that they themselves need? There are parents out there who either can't give their children the support they need or, in some cases, the parents simply don't care. So, yes, bullies need support, but their victims should not have to suffer because of this.

I'd agree with that, but I'm referring to the enactment of unreasonably harsh penalties that some people would advocate as a knee-jerk reaction to this whole thing. Taken to the extreme, we could end up with kids getting kicked out of school for calling each other "faggot," or "retard" even if they're just two friends joking around and a teacher overhears it. And we all know kids are going to keep on saying "faggot." In any case though, bullying will continue until the end of time. It's natural selection. The strong pick on the weak. It doesn't change as people age, either, it's just less blatant.

 

[KJbushway]

Yeah all good points, we need to punish but make just as concerned effort to fix the situation by guidance, therapy, and then integrate them back into the class and watch them closely until the school is certain that the problem is resolved.

 

[paudemge]

Bullying has been going on for ever, that is true so my first reaction is just deal with it. But the problem is the internet and social networks, back when I was in school if someone was bullying you it was bad, but once you left school you leave the bully. Now you might go home get on the internet and experience a new level of 'cyber bullying'.
But having said that, I think we should focus on the victims to give them the tools to handle bullying rather than trying to legislate away bullying (it won't work).

 

[Mr. B]

The suicides are tragic, but it does concern me that people might try to use them as a reason to pass a bunch of ridiculous anti-bullying laws that will result in the "bullies'" lives being completely destroyed. Bullies are messed up kids who need guidance and direction. Instituting harsh legal punishments for bullying almost guarantees that those kids will end up criminals someday.

...yet another reason bullies just need to get their ass kicked in grade school.