vfwcc #32 Endless Games

[Alrik]

No, I didn't get lost on my way to the new contest. I was just hoping we'd get a few more contributions. So without further ado, #31's winners are....

For being 'just so wrong' in so many ways.

Kes: "So Doctor, have you fine tuned the transporter?"
EMH: "Not a problem Kes, we should have Tuvix back for you before you can blink."
Kes dreamily: "Neelix, but bifurcated."
Tuvok: "Standing right here!"

For heeding the warning.

TORRES: How long has it been?

TUVOK: 4.2 hours.

TORRES: I'll inform Sickbay.

And for asking the important questions.

Paris: "Nice holo-simulation, Harry! The Captain looks good in Daisy Dukes! But can she shoot pool?"

For our next Contest lets give a nod to the Captain/s. Let the 'Endgame' begin.

 

[Alrik]

C. Janeway: "I look pretty good for being that old. What's my secret?"

A.Janeway: "Beer and pizza."

C.Janeway: "???"

Seven: "Captain, oh....my."

Janeway: "Look Seven, when you get to be Captain, you can 'drop a bomb' anywhere you want too."

EMH: "Maybe so Captain, but you might want to cut back on your onion intake. I mean....P U!"

Tuvok: "Surely you are joking."

A.Janeway: "No Tuvok, its completly true. If we stay on this timeline, during your next Pon Far, you, me, and Chak here will do a three way."

Chakotay: "Su-Weet. I'm in."

Janeway: "Nice rack. Are the real, or implants."

Queen: "Well duh. Borg Queen here. Think about it. Jeez."

 

[Adm_Hawthorne]

Captain: You can't be serious? Chakotay and Seven?

Admiral: Do you see my face?

Seven: Mr. Paris said it would be perfectly acceptable.

EMH: Dazy Dukes and a tube top... *twitch*

Janeway: You've messed up his holomatrix again.

Admiral: I got these babies a few months after we got to Earth.

Tuvok: They do seem to suit you.

Chakotay: I'd like to give them a squeeze.

Admiral: Did you just grab my ass.

Queen: I haven't the faintest what you're talking about. *grab*

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Admiral Janeway: "I'm young!"
Captain Janeway: "I'm old!"
both faint
off screen: "Great Scott!"

Picardo: "Just FYI, 'Smell the fart' acting doesn't require that you actually fart."
Mulgrew: "Motivation..."

Tuvok: "So what's the future like?"
Janeway: "Still no flying cars or Mr Fusion."
Chakotay: "Crap!"

Janeway: "You can try to assimilate me, but it won't get you anything."
Queen: "Assimilate? Oh the borg get-up. You want the next cube over. This is Daniela's Delta Den of Iniquity and BDSM club. We're having a borg theme night. Although you're welcome to stay. We always could use a shrill shrew schoolmarm type for the more selective clientele."

 

[tharpdevenport]

Future Janeway: "I see the Borg haven't solved the problem of 'air strip' boobies..."

It when then, after 7 of 9's comment that Captain Janeway's boobs do indeed suffer from gravitation forces and "sag" and that Janeway replied, "Oh, yeah?", that the Doctor realized there would be a Boob Off, and that no one knew he was programmed to not only not care, but be super, super gay.

 

[Mistral]

Janeway: "I usually go with blondes-but you'll do."

 

[Mistral]

Janeway: "I see they haven't installed the plumbing yet."

Borg Queen: "Tuesday."

 

[LeadHead]

C. Janeway: What are you doing here?

A. Janeway: You've gone 3 episodes without a ridiculous argument, this had to be stopped.

Doctor: So using the Borg Technology Seven brought into sickbay I was able to finish my work on Ensign Kim.

Janeway: You Assimilated him!

Seven: We call it Character Development.

Janeway: We discovered a wonderful way around having alien ships always knock out the weapons.

Chakotay: What is it?

Janeway: We put extra shielding around them!

Tuvok: Fascinating, you are from over 20 years in the future, when was this developed?

Janeway: 19 years, 11 months and 30 days from now.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Admiral Janeway: "I'm from the future. I'm here so that we can fulfil Tom Paris's sexual fantasy."
Captain Janeway: "What the devil!"
Admiral: "Or you could stop drinking fermented Leola root cocktails, and losing at poker in about five years."

Seven: "It has been seven hours..."
EMH: "Just give it a little while, she's still making up her mind whether to spit or swallow."

Tuvok: "Impressive."
Chakotay: "Most impressive."
Janeway: "They don't call me the handjob queen for nothing!"

Janeway: "I don't get it, back in the 21st Century, you died aboard the Enterprise, when you got in the way of a coolant leak."
Queen: "But that's me from my future, a possible future that hasn't happened yet. You're just not thinking fourth dimensionally, Kathy."
Janeway: "Right, fourth dimensionally. I have a real problem with that..."

 

[LeadHead]

Admiral Janeway: I outrank you, I'm relieving you of duty.

Janeway: Why?

Admiral Janeway: It's supposed to happen to every Captain at least once a series. You made it difficult by being on the other side of the galaxy though.

Seven: ...And that's how we made Commander Chakotay think I liked him.

Janeway: What's this do?

Ops console Explodes

Janeway: Oh right, I forgot all those exploding consoles were just for fun in battles. Right Harry? Harry?

Queen: We received an urgent message from an organization called the Fashion Police. They're planning to arrest us both.

 

[Captain Crow]

Janeway: Nice penis.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Future Janeway is delighted that even nearing the 25th century, she still has a chance to enter the vfwcc #32 Endless Games contest.

 

[Nerys Myk]

CAPT JANEWAY: They don't have hair dye in the future?

TUVOK: Commander Chakotay, why do you keep thinking "MILF"?

QUEEN: Nipples are irrelevent.

 

[Turd Ferguson]

Admiral Janeway: I'm here so you can get ALL of your crew home RIGHT NOW.

Captain Janeway: What about Joe Carey, Lon Suder, Michael Jonas, Seska, Crewman Hogan, Lindsay Ballard, the Borg Baby...

Admiral Janeway: Fuck 'em. They should've died AFTER that little rodent Neelix left the ship.

 

[Adm_Hawthorne]

^ That is brilliant.

 

[LeadHead]

Admiral Janeway: When this caption contest started, I was your age.

 

[Ensign Johnson]

Admiral Janeway: I have a slightly narcissistic suggestion...
Captain Janeway: Who am I to say no to an Admiral?

Seven of Nine: Captain, I found the alterations you made to the doctor.
EMH: I can't believe you would alter my program just make me give a medical excuse for Seven's catsuit.

 

[Ensign Johnson]

Janeway: you're wearing odd legs.
Borg Queen: bugger. I was in a rush getting reassembled this morning.

 

[Nerys Myk]

ADMIRAL JANEWAY: I've come back to ensure this contest never starts.

JANEWAY: Why?

ADMIRAL: Because even in my time, its still running!

 

[Mistral]

Captain Janeway: "Ok, the grey hair I understand but where did the breasts come from?"

Admiral Janeway: "Oh, those. Lost a bet to Chakotay over a 3-cushion bank shot at Sandine's."