TOS Caption Contest #137: The Red Hour
- Thread starter Shatmandu
- Start date
Uhura: Why doesn't Nero just warn the Romulans about the star going supernova instead of blowing shit up for no good reason?
Scotty: Sorry about that pigeon I fed rice to exploded on your head.
(Just offscreen) John Hurt; "Oh no, not again..."
Spock had tolerated McCoy's barbs and insults for months, but enough was enough.
Locking onto the doctor's communicator signal, Spock transported a near-lethal
quantity of concentrated plomeek by-products to those coordinates... and waited.
One of the perks of being a starship captain: guaranteed center space at the drive-in.
Thanks for the win! 
That's right you better swerve! Roman POS, whatever.
'Ave ye ever seen a grown man weep, lassie?
He died as he lived - full of shit.
That's right you better swerve! Roman POS, whatever.
'Ave ye ever seen a grown man weep, lassie?
He died as he lived - full of shit.
They tried running, but Takai was jsut too damn horny, and too damn fast for 'em.
Kirk: He...never told me what he wears under his kilt.
Spock: One of the mysteries of the universe, Captain.
Scotty: So how was your research?
Angela: It's true, a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
Scotty: Aye, a government grant well-spent.
Spock: I'm gonna get that gopher.
McCoy: Tee hee!
Uhura: Captain, I'm not only unqualified to sit at helm, I've never piloted anything bigger than a Chevy.
Kirk: Just...do what the officer asks. Anything he asks.
Uhura: Ok, you're the captain.
Sulu: Between us he's got all the bases covered.
Kirk: Why the hell do they have to make the air valves on these blow-up dolls so damn complicated?
Scotty: Dinna worry, lass. I'll beam that thing right off your head with the same transporter settings I used on the tribbles.
McCoy was so pre-occupied that he was caught unawares when Treebeard stepped on his toe.
Uhura: Captain, do you think they'll ever let a woman pilot a starship?
Kirk: "Get Spock down here before he wakes up. Maybe he can mindmeld with him and find out what 'Borgus Frat' means."
Scotty: "Do ye want tae blow on me bagpipes, lass?"
Angela: "You say the sweetest things."
McCoy: "Aaargh, not me bagpipes, not me bagpipes!"
Uhura: "Course plotted and laid in, Captain."
Kirk: "Very good Uhura, but I'm afraid I'm going to ask you to move back to communications."
Uhura: "Is something wrong with my performance?"
Kirk: "Quite the contrary, it's just that when Chekov tried to open a hailing frequency to Viceroy Varvasian of the Windward Cluster Vortex, on the Vectorship War Victory, he started an interstellar war."
"F***ing managed care!"
Uhura: "Captain, that new GPS is for the birds. Every time we follow it, we get stuck behind an oversized garbage scow that insists on taking its half out of the middle."
Scotty: "You can still back out.
Angela: "Scotty, I don't think of it as losing my freedom - I think of it as gaining as much as my lawyer was able to finagle in the prenup."
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Kirk: Bones, I don't know what to say. Sulu invited Scotty and I over to see his Venus Fly Trap and to have a few drinks. Next thing I know, I wake up and see the bottom of a Saurian Brandy bottle peaking out of Scotty's ass.
She wasn't first woman Scotty had fucked the stuffing out of ...
Kirk: "Told you we should have a safety word, but nooooooo ..."
Sulu: "Captain, I recommend using the 'Uhura Maneuver' on the Tholians."
<Uhura looks appreciative.>
Kirk: "Really? We should fuck them for promotions?"
Uhura: "That's the second biggest glowing spaceship-thing I've ever seen."
Scotty: "Really, lass? A Chris Brown song?"
Scotty (delirious): "Keenser, Keenser...oh, Keenser, we're the only two people on this bloody ice ball and you just happen to be at the perfect height..."
Kirk: "Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"
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