Do I need to turn in my man card?

[Kommander]

About an hour ago I made myself some nachos (yes, nachos for breakfast.) I decided my normal source of spicy goodness for food, crushed red pepper, wasn't suitable for nachos, so when I was at the store yesterday I got some habanero sauce (probably the strongest hot sauce one is likely to find at the average food library.) After thinking about it for a little bit, I decided a third of the bottle was good as I'd probably want more later.

So I finish making my nachos and sit down to eat. A few chips in, I think this is the spiciest thing I've ever eaten. This is... fucking great!

After a few more chips, I start thinking that maybe I over did it with the hot sauce.

Half way, my tongue feels like it's one big third-degree burn, the inside of my mouth is numb, my eyes are watering, I've broken into a cold sweat, I'm having convulsions, and there's a tiny leprechaun dancing around my plate singing a song he said he wrote for me titled Kommander is a Wee Little Girl. Still, I press on. I made the nachos, I'm going to eat them.

Three-quarters of the way through, I don't remember my name or where I am, I can't move my jaw, and three more leprechauns showed up and they formed a barbershop quartet. I admit defeat, and push the plate away.

So, do I need to turn in my man card?

 

[Pingfah]

Yes, and you need to tell us who issued you your man card so that we can take his license away.

 

[Michael Chris]

Habanero? How much did you have?! If you had a lot then you definitely do NOT need to turn in your man card!!

I generally eat things that are only a few thousand Scoville's. Habanero are more than a quarter million!

 

[An Officer]

I think your man card is quite safe. That stuff sounds like serious shit!

I can barely take tiny drops of normal jalapeno sauce, let alone the stuff you're describing! Whoa. And for breakfast?! You need a double-hard man card for that.

So, when are you due for your stomach transplant?

 

[JustKate]

Well, let me put it this way:

A few years ago, through a complicated series of events that I won't bother going into, a man who grew peppers and made sauces out of them gave me many different bottles of hot sauces, varying from hot to truly insane, and many peppers, ranging from poblanos to jalapenos to habaneros to (cue ominous music) Red Savina habaneros. Red Savinas are these lovely (really) red habaneros that are even hotter than regular habaneros. They are either the hottest pepper in the world or they come pretty damn close to it, depending on who is doing the measuring.

I kept some of the sauces and some of the peppers, and I gave some away to friends, family and coworkers, and in the end, I was left with some of the peppers. So my husband took them to the place he works because several of his coworkers are Hispanic guys who of course love peppers. And they were happy to take the remaining peppers...

Except that not even the Hispanic guys would take the Red Savinas, and they didn't take all of the regular habaneros, either. "Too hot," they said.

The moral of the story is that habaneros are HOT. And a sauce made from habaneros might even be a bit hotter than the pepper itself, depending on how concentrated it is.

I realize I am a mere woman, but I think you can keep your man card. The Hispanic guys that my husband worked with didn't seem to think they had to eat those habaneros to prove their manhood.

And in any case, losing your man card is better than scorching off all your tastebuds, right?

 

[SmoothieX]

Turn in the man card, wimp. I'm a health Nazi, but I put the hottest stuff I can find online on just about anything.

 

[apostle83]

Bro, not only do you need to turn it in, you need to run away prissilly.

 

[Goliath]

I voted that even making the attempt is manly.

There's no shame in making an honest attempt and failing. As Dirty Harry said: "A man's got to know his limitations."

I discovered my own limitations one time when I ordered a plate of chicken vindaloo. It was good, and I finished all of it, but--god damn, it was spicy. I've never ordered it again.

 

[SmoothieX]

And then write in your diary about how sad this all makes you feel.

 

[JustKate]

The guy I mentioned earlier - the one who grows peppers and makes sauces out of them - sells those sauces lots of different ways, including going to food festivals and so on. Actual quote:
Me: "Did you ever make a grown man cry?"
Him: "All the time."

 

[nevermore]

First of all, I fail to see what eating spicy food has to do with your chromosomal combination. I almost never eat anything that isn't spicy.

As far as these nasty nachos go, my grandfather used to grow his own peppers in a fully-tricked out basement grow room. At 86, the man still eats dried habenero seeds by the handful, and even he would say you used too much damn sauce. It's not that its too hot, though it might be. It's that it doesn't taste like anything except the sauce. If you just want to taste sauce, take a swig and don't waste all the other ingredients. Heat is not meant to be the only thing you taste; its meant to complement the other flavors.

Now, I made some really nice double habenero salsa a couple weeks ago: 3 tomatoes, 1 red onion, 3-5 cloves of garlic, 5 japs with seeds (the small ones, which are actually spicy), 1 habenero with seeds, about a tablespoon of habenero sauce, salt, pepper, cumin. Marinate over night, add a good amount of fresh chopped cilantro before serving.

Marinating lets the heat set in and combine with the other flavors. Without leaving it to set for a bit, you just taste habenero sauce. Your nachos sound disgusting.

 

[Goliath]

First of all, I fail to see what eating spicy food has to do with your chromosomal combination. I almost never eat anything that isn't spicy.

Being willing to do things that are stupid and painful is an essential element of any man's masculinity.

 

[Crusher Disciple]

I had Habaneros once and my tounge started to bleed.

 

[Deranged Nasat]

I can't stand spicy food. My heightened senses are the culprits; food that is unbearably bland to most people is very flavourful to me. I can't tolerate anything too spicy or complex in taste.

I assume a lot of the comments here are jokes, but what does food preference have to do with being an adult male?

 

[Kommander]

Habanero? How much did you have?! If you had a lot then you definitely do NOT need to turn in your man card!!

I generally eat things that are only a few thousand Scoville's. Habanero are more than a quarter million!

It's a 4 ounce bottle, so more or less a shot glass full.

The website for the sauce I have says it's 5700 SHC, which doesn't sound right. Regular Tabasco sauce is 2500-5000 SHC and I can drink that stuff straight from the bottle just fine.

So, when are you due for your stomach transplant?

Between the acid reflux and ulcer I've had since early high school, any day now.

Red Savina habaneros.

Naga Jolokias are 2 to 4 times hotter... I've been looking for some of those for a few months now, just to see what it's like to eat one. I'd settle for a red savina though.

Bro, not only do you need to turn it in, you need to run away prissilly.

Not sure what you mean exactly. Will skipping be sufficient? What about prancing?

It's that it doesn't taste like anything except the sauce.

I've never understood this. No matter how much I over do it with condiments, I still taste everything. I mean, yeah, the other flavors are less noticeable, but it's still all there. Generally with spices and such I go less than overpowering, but I do tend to use more than most people. Food that other people make usually tastes bland to me.

First of all, I fail to see what eating spicy food has to do with your chromosomal combination. I almost never eat anything that isn't spicy.

Being willing to do things that are stupid and painful is an essential element of any man's masculinity.

Yeah, that's pretty much it. Don't try to make sense of it. It'll just give you a headache, and we can't really explain it either. It's just instinct I guess.

 

[TheBrew]

Dude, you're safe. I "won" a haberno eating contest once and I regretted it instantly. Though it was the first time I ever had them, so I didn't no what to expect.

Once I tasted a spicy Rib sauce that was so hot, you would cry before you bit into the meat. If you can finish a Rib, you were either dead or a God.

 

[Cakes488]

About an hour ago I made myself some nachos (yes, nachos for breakfast.) I decided my normal source of spicy goodness for food, crushed red pepper, wasn't suitable for nachos, so when I was at the store yesterday I got some habanero sauce (probably the strongest hot sauce one is likely to find at the average food library.) After thinking about it for a little bit, I decided a third of the bottle was good as I'd probably want more later.

So I finish making my nachos and sit down to eat. A few chips in, I think this is the spiciest thing I've ever eaten. This is... fucking great!

After a few more chips, I start thinking that maybe I over did it with the hot sauce.

Half way, my tongue feels like it's one big third-degree burn, the inside of my mouth is numb, my eyes are watering, I've broken into a cold sweat, I'm having convulsions, and there's a tiny leprechaun dancing around my plate singing a song he said he wrote for me titled Kommander is a Wee Little Girl. Still, I press on. I made the nachos, I'm going to eat them.

Three-quarters of the way through, I don't remember my name or where I am, I can't move my jaw, and three more leprechauns showed up and they formed a barbershop quartet. I admit defeat, and push the plate away.

So, do I need to turn in my man card?

Yes you do need to turn in your man card....but not for this reason.

 

[FrontLine]

Your credentials are safe. Feel free to flash your man card on anyone you want to

 

[An Officer]

Between the acid reflux and ulcer I've had since early high school, any day now.

Are you serious? Definitely a double-hard card for you! You shouldn't even be looking at spices with binoculars!

 

[Cakes488]

Between the acid reflux and ulcer I've had since early high school, any day now.

Are you serious? Definitely a double-hard card for you! You shouldn't even be looking at spices with binoculars!

Oh my goodness...I just love your avatar. I should get my room wallpapered in it.