Movie Caption Contest #101: The Next Generation

[Turd Ferguson]

The Amargosa Observatory seemed as good a place as any to hold an intervention on Commander Riker's stinknuts.

"Ha, so I guess resistance isn't so futile after all, eh, Data? I suppose he'll have a problem assimilating any more information, huh? Looks like he won't be droning on anytime soon?"

"I believe that is sufficient, Captain."

On closer observation of their boobs, Commander Data realized that Doctor Crusher and Counselor Troi were full of shit.

"*SIGH* Looks like I'm heading my happy ass back over to Reading Rainbow after this shitheap of a movie."

 

[Rat Boy]

Picard: "Sorry, thought he was a Borg. Moving on."

 

[Gertch]

"Sorry Ensign Rudolph."

 

[Kirby]

Trio: Looks like something of the Captain's is starting to firm up too.
Crusher: Yeah, but he must have just gotten out of the pool if you know what I mean...

 

[Shatmandu]

Riker: "I'm ... frightened."

Crusher: "Thank God my pansy-assed son didn't come with us. His balls just finally dropped last year."

Guinan: "Why's our table last to go to the buffet? I need ta fuckin' eat."

 

[Rat Boy]

Goldberg: "Do you have to Twitter about everything?"

 

[Shatmandu]

<Worf farts long and loud, turning to bubbling and squirt sounds at the end.>
Worf: "TODAY WAS A BAD DAY TO DO THAT."

Burton: "Next time you see Joy Behar, kick her in the throat for me, would you?"
Goldberg: "Fuckin' A."

Guinan: "You sure Wesley's gay?"
La Forge: "As sure as I am you're bald under that hat."

 

[Rat Boy]

Burton: "Isn't it sad that Rat Boy only learned about your moon thing through this caption contest?"

Goldberg: "I was drunk and Behar dared me...oh, that moon thing."

Crusher: "Bitch, please!"

Worf: "But Data said we'd find a ghost here. He's never wrong."

Ghost in the background: "Tee-hee!"

Picard: "Wait a minute. There's no snipes on this ship!"

 

[Triskelion]

Geordi: The Enterprise called. They want the saucer section back.
Guinan: Idiot.

Beverly: Have you noticed how your boobs have started to firm up?
Deanna: No, since they're in a jar at Jupiter Station, with my testicles.

Riker: Wait for it....
Worf: Today is a good day to eat chalupas.

Picard: Data, are you...leaking?
Data: Yes sir. I blew a gasket after the chili cookoff.
Picard: Good. I was afraid it was me again.

 

[Daneel]

PICARD: "Enterprise to away team, report."

RIKER: "Riker here, sir. I'm afraid it's worse than we expected."

PICARD: "No survivors on the Pakled vessel?"

RIKER: "What? No, no, everyone on board is fine. But it turns out this is a nudist ship."

PICARD: "My god..."

GEORDI: "How about the woman at table nine? She's not here with anybody."

GUINAN: >shakes her head< "No, she's married. Her husband has been on a two-year deep space assignment."

GEORDI: "What? Are you sure?"

GUINAN: "I'm a listener, Geordi. Of course I am."

GEORDI: "Alright then..." >looks through the crowd< "What about that woman talking to the bartender?"

GUINAN: "Gay."

GEORDI (getting irritated): "Okay, okay... well, what about that Xyrillian on the dance floor right now? Damn, she's got some interesting moves..."

GUINAN: "Sure, you might have a chance -- but you should probably know, that's a male Xyrillian."

GEORDI: "How about the --"

GUINAN: "That's just a large floral arrangement."

GEORDI: "Dammit! Are you telling me that there's no one at this wedding I have a chance of hooking up with?"

GUINAN: "Pretty much, yeah."

GEORDI (sits back in his chair and grumbles): "Thanks for the help, Guinan."

GUINAN: "It's what I do."

 

[Alrik]

Whoopi: "I just realized. My cameo is almost as big as your part in this flick."

Lavar: "Have you READ the script. From where I sit, that's a good thing."

Beverly: "Have you noticed how your boobs have started to firm up?"

Deanna: "Sure have. I just hope this place is having the same effect
on Will's gut and ass."

Riker: *sniff, sniff* "Blood wine?"

Worf: "Prune juice."

Picard: "Stand down team. The un-authorized access to the main computer appears the be Mr. Data again. Data, what have I told you about downloading android porn in such quantities?"

Data: "Sorry sir, but we all have our 'kinks'."

Picard: "Meaning?"

Data: "I do not get on you about the Assless Chaps now, do I?"

 

[Alrik]

Geordi: "Have you read it?"

Guinan: "Sure have."

Geordi: "It just makes me feel...I don't know.... kind of yuck."

Guinan: "Really? It makes me hot."

Beverly: "What did you think of today's installment?"

Deanna: "I thought it was really good. I don't think Will would be quite as amused though."

Riker: "What the HELL? That's just sick and wrong."

Worf: "Who ever is behinds this has no honor. I will make them PAY!"

Picard: "So you're the one behind the Riker/Worf slash. You've truly outdone youself this time Mr. Data. Well done. Oh...and the armed guards are a good call."

 

[Candlelight]

"Careful Mr Worf... the release of the Carl virus has already taken down three crew members... let me know if you think you may be infected"
"Fuck that beeatch, honky"
"Good man"

"Would you like to try the first batch sir?"

"What do you mean you can't see the difference? It's visible everywhere"

"You're not fooling anybody"
"Yeah but I got a goatee so I'm even better than Carl"

*everyone freezes, some people drop their glasses, Worf faints*

 

[Skywalker]

Data wanted to warn the Captain, but all he could do was look on in horror.

 

[Mistral]

Goldberg: "He's taking a publicity still for the movie."

Burton: "It's the last thing he's ever going to do, too. You think I want people to know I was in this thing?"

Goldberg: "Amen to that."

 

[Shatmandu]

Geordi: "You don't have another one of them hats on you, do you?"

Guinan: "Worf is such a bitch. He's got a dick like a gorch, too."

 

[Shatmandu]

Picard: "A Big Wheel, Mr. Data?"
Data: "Negative. A Mean Green Machine, sir."

 

[Candlelight]

"You and I have known each other a while now... "
"Yeah?"
"Well, let me put it this way - notice how I'm rubbing my finger around this glass...?"
"Oh... well notice how I'm rubbing my tall glass up and down like this?"
"On second thoughts... bleu... notice how I just threw up a little in my mouth?"

 

[Shatmandu]

Guinan: "Man, I need to get laid."
<La Forge sips drink, stands up, walks away nonchalantly.>

 

[Skywalker]

Geordi: "So, Guinan, looks like it's just the two of us. What do you say we go back to my room? I'll take you to the Moon."
Guinan: "I highly doubt that, in either context."