Movie Caption Contest #101: The Next Generation

[Rat Boy]

This is usually the part where we discuss who's won the last contest, but since we're still waiting on two of our guest judges to weigh in and since it's high time we started a new contest, here we go. I'll do the usual winner bit once all the votes are in and post them later on in the thread, but for now it's time for a new and long overdue caption contest.

I had thought about posting pictures from the Blu-Ray edition of The Wrath of Khan, but since one cropped up in the last contest and since the TNG crew have been getting the shaft a little of late, I decided to devote an entire contest to them. One picture from each TNG film, starting with Riker looking on as Worf gets tired of the fanny jokes. Next, we have Picard and Data standing in line for the ship's only toilet. Thirdly, we can see the reactions of Gates McFadden and Marina Sirtis to Jonathan Frakes' suggestion that they actually demonstrate why their boobs are firming up. Finally, we have LeVar Burton wondering if he should Twitter about the latest dirt Whoopi Goldberg gave him about her View cohost Elizabeth Hasselbeck. Caption smartly:

 

[Rat Boy]

Riker: "Worf, I know you don't like Romulans, but do you have to teabag them?"

Picard: "So that's what Ceiling Cat finds so interesting."

Crusher: "I guess it's true: women have boobs, men are boobs."

Geordi: "Twenty-three?"

Guinan: "I used to vacation in Vegas a lot."

 

[tharpdevenport]

Wof: "Well, since we are going to die. This one time, I killed a hobo with a hammer."
Riker: "What's a 'hammer'?"

Geordi: "Really? You don't think we've been to the moon?"
Guinan: "That's right."
Geordi: "Even though there are over a million people living on it?"
Guinan: "Hoax."

 

[BriGuy]

Riker: First she ditches me for you. Then she marries me, only to CHEAT on me with Mr. Mot. I say we kill her.

Worf: Agreed.

 

[Candlelight]

"Commander, while I remember, Deanna failed her pilot's licence again. Might wanna make sure she doesn't get anywhere near the helm for a while"
"No problem Worf, I can't see that happening anytime soon"

"Fascinating Data but perhaps you should deactivate your taking a dump on the carpet chip for now"
"Very well sir... almost.... almost done.... .... . ..... done"

"Worf, no you can't see how firm they are. I don't care if Deanna gave you a quick feel in the bushes"

"Guinan - last year - you even went to the moon"
"No I didn't"
"You hosted the oscars from there"
"Nuh uh"
"You said, 'here I am live from the moon' then made some joke about republicans"
"Don't remember"

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Because Klingon poop is hard to scoop, Commander Riker hated it when it was his turn to walk Mr. Worf.

Picard: Sonuvabitch! Mr. Worf did it again, and I just had that spot cleaned yesterday.
Data: Yes, sir. I suggest you rub his nose in it.

And another twofer:

Crusher: Yes, they're real and they're spectacular.

Gunian: I've seen 'em. Despite the rumors, they aren't spectacular. Real, yes. Flabby, maybe. Spectacular... hells no!

 

[LeadHead]

Riker: Report Mr. Worf.
Worf: It's horrible Sir. There are survivors.

Data: Captain-
Picard: We're going through that hatch!
Data: But what about the rumors of Phaser rifles changing shape when you get to the other side?

Crusher: Yes Data, they are smooth as an Androids Behind too, now hand over my lunch!

Guinan: Wait, you're still in the same job you've been doing for 14 years? Even I moved on!
La Forge: You're on The View, that's a step down!

 

[zephramc]

<BBBZAAAPPP>
Picard: Wha... Shit... I blew a hole in the deck... safety was off.
Data: Perhaps a slingshot would be better for you Captain...

Troi: Have you noticed how your boobs have firmed up?
Crusher: N...
Data: Indeed Doctor, they are now back up above your belly button...

 

[LeadHead]

Multi Image entry

Riker: What is it Worf?
Worf: I have a bad feeling Sir, that some idiot is about to shoot through the ceiling...

Picard: They think I'm too old to use a Phaser Rifle safely, well I'll show-
(ZAP)
Riker: OWWWWW!

 

[Skywalker]

Data: "He appears to be dead, Captain."
Picard: "Poor cooleddie. Everyone blamed him for holding up this week's contest. He didn't stand a chance."

 

[LeadHead]

Picard: The first thing they'll do in Main Engineering is establish a Collective-
Data: We know Sir, you told us five times, you have a clean shot at the Technobabble tank. Would you take the shot already?

 

[Daneel]

PICARD: "Is it dead?! Is it dead?!"

DATA: "Yes sir, quite. I am certain that, if your first shot did not get it, one of the other fourteen did."

PICARD: "Oh, yes... I, um... really don't like rats."

DATA: "I never would have guessed, sir." >to the other officers< "You can all return to your posts now. Computer, cancel Red Alert."

 

[Mistral]

Data: "Captain, there are better ways to kill roaches."

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Riker: "We're in a caption contest, Mr Worf. Tread carefully".
*wet crunching noise*
Riker: "What was that?"
Worf: "Keyboard Cat, Sir. Sorry"
Riker: "At least it wasn't Carl".

Picard: "hmmm, Commander Riker is disturbingly unaccounted for, yet this shredded uniform and accompanying bloody smear on the floor of his quarters is new. And what's this scrawled in the blood? "Androids for Command"? Any suspects, Mr. Data?"

Data (thinking): On three, I go for the jugular. One...two...

Guinan: "It's sad watching them isn't it? Posting humerous captions that mock and disrespect us, making lewd sexual innuendo and poop jokes with little regard for our sensibilities, editing us on photoshop with no provocation, having keyboard cat assist us musically in our exists?"

La Forge: "Tsk, tsk. One can only hope they one day see the error of their ways and consider how they've hurt us..."

 

[Shatmandu]

Worf: "Today is a good day to die!"
Riker: "It'd also be a good day to knock off and read a skin mag, you moron. Shut the fuck up."

Riker, offscreen: "My nutsack isn't so saggy any more, but you don't hear me braggin' about it. Shut the fuck up."

Geordi: "Riker's a bit on edge in this contest so far."
Guinan: "Marrying that twit will do that."
Riker, offscreen: "Shut the fuck up."

 

[Shatmandu]

Guinan, after taking sip: "I hope everyone got malt liquor in their champagne glass, else I'm gonna bust this place up."
Geordi: "Fo'reals."

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Picard: Is that what I think it is?
Data: Yes, sir. It's the script for the next movie, and it's... unfortunate.
Picard: All phasers fire!

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Riker: "300 years of Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya's Endless Eight episodes. I know that they wanted to fuck with the otaku but..."
Worf: "Kadokawa has no honour."

Picard: "What do you know, you were right, the safety was off."
Data: "Very good sir, now if you would be so kind as to fetch my spare legs from my quarters..."

Troi: "... boobs have firmed up?"
Riker: "Meh... big deal. Call me when your hymens grow back."

Burton: "Got anything planned after this?"
Goldberg: "I've sent in an audition tape for Futurama."
Burton: "Hmm, me too. I'm trying out for Hermes, I guess you're trying out for Leela?"
Goldberg: "Naah, Bender. 'Bite my shiny black ass!'"
Burton: "Riiiight... Good luck with that."

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Guinan: You see that over there, Geordi?
Geordi: Yeah. What is it?
Guinan: The end of our careers.

 

[Gertch]

Geordi: "About us and last night - "
Guinan: "Awkward."
Geordi: "Yeeeeeeah."