Movie Caption Contest #82: Up Your Shaft

[Rat Boy]

Do you know the old Klingon proverb that captions are a dish best served cold? No? Well then never mind, since it's time for another contest. First, as always, we acknowledge...

For the picture of Terrell asking Kyle why the graphics say the Reliant has a secondary hull and wondering if perhaps it was misplaced, our winner is...

KYLE: But, Captain, why are there diagrams of a secondary hull?
TERRELL: There aren't. Those are cross sections of my--
KYLE: Say no more...please.

Or perhaps it wasn't misplaced. For the picture of the Son'a and the Starfleet officers gawking at another Kirk-with-torn-shirt brawl, our winner is...

Son'a: What do you see, human?
Lieutenant: A movie worst than this one the horizon.

And the Photoshop winner...

And then I said "Your punk Admiral ass can't order me to look for planets in the Ceti Alpha system!! Eeerrrrr,...he's behind me isn't he?

Congratulations to our winners and here are the updated totals:

Nerys Myk (Hall of Fame) 38
Candlelight (Hall of Fame) 35
cooleddie74 (Hall of Fame) 27
Gertch (Hall of Fame) 24
Shatmandu (Hall of Fame) 20
The Laughing Vulcan 17
Outpost4 15
Turd Ferguson 14
Triskelion 13
Nebusj 11
scottydog 11
Diesel Micky Dolenz 11
EliyahuQeoni 10
BriGuy 9
middyseafort 9
Kegek 8
zephramac 8
DS9Sega 8
cultcross 7
John_Picard 6
Tharpdevenport 6
Atavachron 6
Herkimer Jitty 6
LeadHead 6
SciFi75 5
Finn 5
The Cutest of Borg 5
CaptainJon 4
Haggis and Tatties 4
Skywalker 4
NCC-1701 4
Defcon 4
Kirby 4
jptrekker 4
Bad Atom 4
Sisu 3
David_Leese 3
archerguy1701 3
Starpaul20 3
ancient 3
chancellorjake 3
Peach Wookie 3
J. Allen 2
Arthur Frelling Dent 2
SeerSGB 2
Lloyd_Dobbler 2
nil_jones 2
OphaClyde 2
Gagarin 2
casey 2
Redshirts Widow 2
Cky 2
Mistral 2
Alrik 2
cardinal biggles 1
Vasquez Rocks 1
Valin 1
Nathan_Heller 1
Guartho 1
Alyssa 1
A beaker full of death 1
rmkwebdesign 1
Starlock 1
Admiral Garak 1
Broccoli 1
Mister.Woof 1
The Squire of Gothos 1
A Chimpanzee & 2 Trainees 1
battrekker 1
DrBob 1
Sector7 1
USS Mariner 1
hmbnimbus 1
S'Kai 1
H F Mudd 1
dukesman 1
Fire 1
Super Grover 1
Johnnyracefan 1
SciFi75 1
jongredic 1
BriGuy 1
26138 1
Toban Kal 1
trilbymonkey 1
Will 1
Captain Mike 1

This week, for our first pic, we have Captain Styles of the Excelsior why a vein pops out of Scotty's forehead every time he mentions how much better his ship is than the Enterprise. Second, we have Romulans. I know, I tend to reuse them in my stories and caption contests like those new-fangled grocery store bags, but the look really sells it. Happy captioning:

 

[Rat Boy]

Scotty (thinking): Why is that daft loon smoking a cigar with his armpit?

Romulan on the left: "Look, I know our uniforms look like they have chewing gum on them, but that doesn't mean it's edible."

 

[Piper]

How to Tell the Difference Between Terrans and Non-Terrans.

Figure One: Some alien species are almost identical to humans. One way to tell them apart is the sometimes unusual placement and display of their genitals. (NB: as Mr Scott demonstrates so ably here, to avoid offence it is wise to pretend not to notice).

Figure Two: Another method is to look at the dress of the individuals in question. Aliens cannot afford the same stylish uniforms as us fortunate Terrans and often have to make do with patchwork quilts their mommas made for them.

 

[Alrik]

Styles: "Welcome back Mr Scott."

Scott: "Aye Sir. It's good to be back in me own century. By the way, I've been meening to ask. How'd those Speed Trials end up workin out for ye?"

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Stiles: "I must thank you for introducing me to you wonderul niece Mr Scott. She gives head like you wouldn't believe."

Scott: "Ach ye fool, cannae ye tell the difference between a kilt and skirt? That was ma nephew, Hortense."

Rom 1: "Hnafirh'rau"
Rom 2: "Au nan'ha-favi"

Translation

Rom 1: "He who smelt it, dealt it."
Rom 2: "He who denied it, supplied it."

 

[Triskelion]

Yeh call that a flask? Amateur.
Yeah? Where's yours?
It's my spare tire.

You stole my hot pocket...and you will pay.

 

[Rat Boy]

Scotty (thinking): Go on, act like you don't remember me breaking that pimp stick of yours that one time.

Romulan on the right: "Oh yeah? Well I hope you guys all turn to dust and die!"

Romulan on the left: "Ixnay on the ustday."

 

[Alrik]

Scott: "One more crack about me beloved Enterprise an I'll show ye a brand new way to hold that crop of yers."

Lefty: "Did you remember to feed the meter?"

Righty: "Sorry, no. I left my wallet at home."

Lefty: "Sure you did......(under breath) no good cheep ass jerk off."

 

[Rat Boy]

Moment later and thanks to cheap Reman labor, the big bird of prey sculpture fell and crushed them to death.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Scott: "What's the crop for, there isnae a horse within light years of here."
Stiles: "Oh there are plenty of Ensigns to ride... hard. If you know what I mean."
Scott: "You'd fit right in with our Mr Sulu."
Stiles: "Ahhh, Yes, Officer material indeed that one."

 

[Maurice]

When Scott said, "Up your shaft," he meant it in ways Styles could only dream of...until later that night...

ACTOR ON RIGHT: (thinking) Please, God, tell me I don't look that stupid in this getup.

 

[John Picard]

Romulan #1: "Captain Styles is coming for a visit and he's bringing his riding crop."

Romulan #2: "Oh, it's the 15th of the month already?"

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Another win! Thanks! Although I need to make a correction; minor copy edit, I know, but it's bugging the shit outta me.

Son'a: What do you see, human?
Lieutenant: A movie worst than this one on the horizon.

Scotty: No, sir; I'm not one for sticking things up MY shaft. Yours on the other hand...
Sulu (off-camera): Oh, my!

Romulan One: I wonder if it's too late to back out.
Romulan Two: ... of this coup?
Romulan One: Of this movie.

 

[John Picard]

Another win! Thanks! Although I need to make a correction; minor copy edit, I know, but it's bugging the shit outta me.

Son'a: What do you see, human?
Lieutenant: A movie worse than this one on the horizon.

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Another win! Thanks! Although I need to make a correction; minor copy edit, I know, but it's bugging the shit outta me.

Son'a: What do you see, human?
Lieutenant: A movie worse than this one on the horizon.

See you stare at something so long, you don't even notice. A movie WORSE THAN, as in between two things... my brain wanted it one way and I wrote it completely the wrong way. The worst way.

 

[T'Ressa Dax]

Scott: Insult me again and I'll take that stupid stick and shove it up you!

Romulan 1: When do you think they'll realize Captain Styles works for us?
Romulan 2: Never! Unless the human goes through with his threat.

 

[cooleddie74]

SCOTT:"Aye, sir.

By the way...you were terrific on HILL STREET."

STYLES:"Excuse me?!"

SCOTT:"Never...never mind."

THE 2380 MEN'S LINE FROM THE HOUSE OF CHICLET.

Colorful. Practical. Great coup-wear.

 

[cooleddie74]

"Did...did you say 'blessed are the imperial cheesemakers'?"

 

[Candlelight]

"Mr Scott, we've had reports of you visiting the transwarp computer drive a few minutes ago and removing something very important. Is this true?"
"No sir"
"Ah well, that's good to hear. It's not like you're trying to sabotage us then escape on the Enterprise or anything. Hahahahahaha!"
"Actually we are"
"Hahahahaha.... I didn't hear that... Hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!"

Romulan on left (thinking): "A well respected character on Babylon 5... or a minor character who wears plastic ears and wears bathroom tiles... which should I remove from my CV..."

 

[Candlelight]

Scotty (thinking): "I dinnae think I can go through with this, I'll have to tell the Captain we have to find another way to escape from the Excelsior... Ah I just don't know"
Styles: "Ah Mr Scott. You'll have to excuse me, it's been a long day so I'm going to go relax in my cabin. When I say relax I mean stay in uniform and file my nails."
Scotty (thinking): "That clinches it; I think I'll take a dump in the warp core on me way out"