TOS Caption Contest #127 - Very Strange New Worlds

Nazi: Excellent!!!!! I zee our torturous and diabolical de-hairing experiment is going qvite vell.

 

Kirk & Spock silently cursed the history officer who researched the inhabitants garb on planet Ekos. As soon as they beamed down they noticed that something was drastically wrong.....everyone here went pantless -- not shirtless!!!! They were instantly spotted and quickly detained.

 

Nazi: Frau Kirk I zam talking to you zee eyes are not in zee crotch....zee eyes are up here! Zee eyes up here!!!

 

Kirk: Calm down Alexander, calm down. I didn't realize this was a sensitive topic and I normally get a much better reaction when I sing "I like big butts and I cannot lie......"

 

Kirk: "Your fly is open. I can see your schnitzel."




Kirk: "Uh, Parmen made me touch you like that while you were sleeping. Paaarmen."





Spock, thinking: "These wool Nazi pants are really making my balls itch."

 

Kirk: "Oh, put that thing away. You're not big enough to even hit an artery, you little cocksucker."





Herr Flick: "That sound was my leather boots creaking."
Kirk, sniffing: "Did your leather boots have cabbage for lunch?"





Kirk: "I don't care if you saw an outtake with some little kid in a uniform; you're not sitting in my command chair. Fuck you."






Kirk: "Okay, I'll conceed it might have been over the top to say 'How's the weather down there?' thirty times ..."

 

Spock: "Jim, the movie got it wrong. This guy doesn't look anything like Tom Cruise."

Kirk: "I know, Spock. I know."

 

FLICK: Und know you vill begin zee slash fiction enactment!

SHATNER: Worst con event ever!

 

Spock (thinking): I find this most uncomfortable. One could surmise that with the many times Captain Kirk is without a shirt, most of them seemingly avoidable, that he gets some sort of perverse pleasure out it. I shall endeavor to study this phenomenon in depth once we return to the Enterprise. Perhaps Mr. Sulu would like to assist me in my research?



The grammar Nazis finally capture their greatest nemesis: Captain.... James T... Kirk of the... Enterprise.

 

Now listen you little jerk, I'm not buying any cookies! And for the record "Mansack" is not a flavor!




You call zis a lineup? Ve had better lineups in the Dusseldorf Hausbräu on All-Du-Kann-Essen Vienerschnitzel night I tell you!

 

Herr Flick: "Ve vill tell soon enough if you are Jewish. Guards, remove zheir trousers, display their schnitzels."

Spock: "What, both of them?"

...

Flick: "What are you doing holding one of ze master race in chains, release him immediately and escort him to my quarters."

 

Snoop Doggy Garth

 

When Carl Spock and Diamond Jim were forced into the service...



... Gorgeous Garth was taking over the streets.

 

Kirk: No, thank you. I've already been circumcised.

 

KIRK:"Dammit, Spock. This is the LAST time I let you book the ship's no-frills shore leaves."

 

ALEXANDER: "That's not a knife.


THAT'S a knife."

 

"...and the WWE Interstellar Middleweight Champion for 2268 is..."

 

Kirk: "Fine. If you're standing next to me, I won't put my beer down on your head. Jeeeeez."

 

KIRK: "Et tu, Short-y?"