Her kids won't wake up for school

[Mr Awe]

It's simple.

First, come up with punishments that will hit them where it hurts. Second, set up the conditions for when those punishments will be imposed. For example, "if you're not out of bed by 7am, you're X is taken away for Y days." Third, after she sets up the conditions, she MUST follow through if necessary.

I have a feeling from what you say that this will be a major mindset change for both the mother and the kids!

Edited to add: I've read the thread more fully and have to comment on the authoritarian approach that everyone thinks they're an expert on. Yes, sometimes it is necessary. But, if you need to resort to that, then generally you've done something wrong before that. We have a 4 year old daughter. She's extremely well behaved and we get compliments on that frequently. We are hardly ever authoritarian with her. We talk and explain alot and show by example. While I'm not adverse to going authoritarian when necessary, it shouldn't be necessary that often. If you have to, that points to other problems with the *parents*.

Mr Awe

 

[indranee]

also, why don't they want to go to school? are they doing badly? are they being bullied? I remember loving my high school and grammar school. my brother wasn't too happy with junior high. he hated going. it's usually a deeper problem with kids than just wanting to stay in bed or at home.

are they watching TV at home? are they unsupervised during the day?

 

[CaptainHawk1]

Internet experts can be funny sometimes.

"It's because there's no father in the house."

"She doesn't discipline them enough."

"It's the moral degredation of society."

Or could it be that it's just because no one likes waking up in the morning?

Of all the issues I could see coming up with parenting, this one seems the most trivial and least worthy of all this overreaction.

And wise asses can be self-righteous and condescending. Obviously, they don't like waking up in the morning... SFW? That's not the root of the problem. I didn't like waking up either and I tried these stunts too, but my old man actually provided discipline which is something that's obviously not being done in this situation and statistics show that without a father in the home, antisocial and defiant behavior is far more pervasive.

I asked about a father in the home that because there was no mention of the father in the OP or in any of the later posts and it seemed obvious that theres' a discipline problem just like there is in the majority of the single-mother homes.

Whether you want to believe it or not, a positive male influence in the household, i.e. a father, is fundamental to maturation.

I can't speak for the other posters but all of those opinions have merit. Who gives a shit what the kids' reasons are, it's irrelevant to the discussion. What's relevant is how the behavior got to this point and how to solve it.

"Internet Experts" my ass, a lot of us are just parents or adults who had good parents who can identify what the problem is and how to solve it. WTF do you have to offer?

-Shawn

 

[CaptainHawk1]

Internet experts can be funny sometimes.

"It's because there's no father in the house."

"She doesn't discipline them enough."

"It's the moral degredation of society."

Or could it be that it's just because no one likes waking up in the morning?

Of all the issues I could see coming up with parenting, this one seems the most trivial and least worthy of all this overreaction.

Says the person with no experience rearing children

Amen.

-Shawn

 

[Man Afraid of his Shoes]

When I was a kid, I was pretty bad about not wanting to get out of bed in the morning. My Mom figured out a sure-fire way to get me going that worked every...single...time.

She would just stand next to my bed and start singing "Good Morning To You" (sung to the tune of Happy Birthday To You)...

....very very badly.

The high notes were particularly disturbing.

To this day I'm an early riser.

 

[CaptainHawk1]

When I was a kid, I was pretty bad about not wanting to get out of bed in the morning. My Mom figured out a sure-fire way to get me going that worked every...single...time.

She would just stand next to my bed and start singing "Good Morning To You" (sung to the tune of Happy Birthday To You)...

....very very badly.

The high notes were particularly disturbing.

To this day I'm an early riser.

HA!

My mom did the same thing! Didn't bother me to the extent it bothered you butit made me feel like I was 5.

-Shawn

 

[bluedana]

Many teens have a problem getting up in the morning (among other problems), but what you're describing seems worse than normal. Here's how we handle our 12 year old son, who has two speeds in the morning: inertial, and glacial.

First, we make sure he goes to bed at a reasonable time. He doesn't have to go sleep, but he does have to stay in bed. He can read (ha!), draw, play Gameboy, listen to music, whatever - he just has to stay in bed. For a 6:45 am wakeup, 9:00 pm seems to work well. To facilitate this, I use the parental controls on the TV and computer to make them shut off at 8:00 or 8:30, and they can't be turned on again until the following morning without a password.

Second, I make sure there are consequences - not punishments. If I have to spend twenty minutes of my morning getting him out of bed, he pays for it later when he asks me to do something for him. E.g., if he later asks to go to the video game store, I'm likely to reply, Gee, I would, but I have to do this other thing (laundry, or relax with a book), since I was so rushed this morning after trying to get you out of bed. Or, I'm sorry I'm too tired to do that for you after spending all my energy getting you up and out of the house this morning.

Third, I'll only prod him so many times. We have to leave by 7:40 am to get to school on time. After a few reminders to get going, we leave when we leave. If he's late, so be it. I don't give him a note if it's not an excusable tardy, and without a note, he loses his school bonus points. It hasn't gotten to the point where he's gotten detention. It also helps to have them lay out everything they need for the morning the night before (backpacks, clothes, lunches, etc.) so they can eek out every extra second of sleep.

I think the key is to put the onus on the kids so that THEY are the ones paying for time lost, not the parent running around like a crazy person trying to get the kids to conform. That's exhausting.

 

[Luckyflux]

Internet experts can be funny sometimes.

"It's because there's no father in the house."

"She doesn't discipline them enough."

"It's the moral degredation of society."

Or could it be that it's just because no one likes waking up in the morning?

Of all the issues I could see coming up with parenting, this one seems the most trivial and least worthy of all this overreaction.

And wise asses can be self-righteous and condescending. Obviously, they don't like waking up in the morning... SFW? That's not the root of the problem. I didn't like waking up either and I tried these stunts too, but my old man actually provided discipline which is something that's obviously not being done in this situation and statistics show that without a father in the home, antisocial and defiant behavior is far more pervasive.

I asked about a father in the home that because there was no mention of the father in the OP or in any of the later posts and it seemed obvious that theres' a discipline problem just like there is in the majority of the single-mother homes.

Whether you want to believe it or not, a positive male influence in the household, i.e. a father, is fundamental to maturation.

I can't speak for the other posters but all of those opinions have merit. Who gives a shit what the kids' reasons are, it's irrelevant to the discussion. What's relevant is how the behavior got to this point and how to solve it.

"Internet Experts" my ass, a lot of us are just parents or adults who had good parents who can identify what the problem is and how to solve it. WTF do you have to offer?

-Shawn

Well said!

 

[trampledamage]

I asked about a father in the home that because there was no mention of the father in the OP or in any of the later posts and it seemed obvious that theres' a discipline problem just like there is in the majority of the single-mother homes.

Whether you want to believe it or not, a positive male influence in the household, i.e. a father, is fundamental to maturation.

I don't know I'd go so far as to insist on a male influence, but a positive disciplinary influence is definitely key. My mum was good on discipline

Many teens have a problem getting up in the morning (among other problems), but what you're describing seems worse than normal. Here's how we handle our 12 year old son, who has two speeds in the morning: inertial, and glacial.

First, we make sure he goes to bed at a reasonable time. He doesn't have to go sleep, but he does have to stay in bed. He can read (ha!), draw, play Gameboy, listen to music, whatever - he just has to stay in bed. For a 6:45 am wakeup, 9:00 pm seems to work well. To facilitate this, I use the parental controls on the TV and computer to make them shut off at 8:00 or 8:30, and they can't be turned on again until the following morning without a password.

Second, I make sure there are consequences - not punishments. If I have to spend twenty minutes of my morning getting him out of bed, he pays for it later when he asks me to do something for him. E.g., if he later asks to go to the video game store, I'm likely to reply, Gee, I would, but I have to do this other thing (laundry, or relax with a book), since I was so rushed this morning after trying to get you out of bed. Or, I'm sorry I'm too tired to do that for you after spending all my energy getting you up and out of the house this morning.

Third, I'll only prod him so many times. We have to leave by 7:40 am to get to school on time. After a few reminders to get going, we leave when we leave. If he's late, so be it. I don't give him a note if it's not an excusable tardy, and without a note, he loses his school bonus points. It hasn't gotten to the point where he's gotten detention. It also helps to have them lay out everything they need for the morning the night before (backpacks, clothes, lunches, etc.) so they can eek out every extra second of sleep.

I think the key is to put the onus on the kids so that THEY are the ones paying for time lost, not the parent running around like a crazy person trying to get the kids to conform. That's exhausting.

This sounds like fantastic advice - I'm saving it until my kids are school age.

 

[hamudm]

Many teens have a problem getting up in the morning (among other problems), but what you're describing seems worse than normal. Here's how we handle our 12 year old son, who has two speeds in the morning: inertial, and glacial.

First, we make sure he goes to bed at a reasonable time. He doesn't have to go sleep, but he does have to stay in bed. He can read (ha!), draw, play Gameboy, listen to music, whatever - he just has to stay in bed. For a 6:45 am wakeup, 9:00 pm seems to work well. To facilitate this, I use the parental controls on the TV and computer to make them shut off at 8:00 or 8:30, and they can't be turned on again until the following morning without a password.

Second, I make sure there are consequences - not punishments. If I have to spend twenty minutes of my morning getting him out of bed, he pays for it later when he asks me to do something for him. E.g., if he later asks to go to the video game store, I'm likely to reply, Gee, I would, but I have to do this other thing (laundry, or relax with a book), since I was so rushed this morning after trying to get you out of bed. Or, I'm sorry I'm too tired to do that for you after spending all my energy getting you up and out of the house this morning.

Third, I'll only prod him so many times. We have to leave by 7:40 am to get to school on time. After a few reminders to get going, we leave when we leave. If he's late, so be it. I don't give him a note if it's not an excusable tardy, and without a note, he loses his school bonus points. It hasn't gotten to the point where he's gotten detention. It also helps to have them lay out everything they need for the morning the night before (backpacks, clothes, lunches, etc.) so they can eek out every extra second of sleep.

I think the key is to put the onus on the kids so that THEY are the ones paying for time lost, not the parent running around like a crazy person trying to get the kids to conform. That's exhausting.

Nicely said!

I don't "get" where these trend of coddling children w/o consequences came from?? I was a pretty good kid, but if I was out of line, I got a good smack or deprived of something (i.e. my toys, dinner, etc...). Today, I'm grateful that I was raised this way.

 

[CaptainHawk1]

I asked about a father in the home that because there was no mention of the father in the OP or in any of the later posts and it seemed obvious that theres' a discipline problem just like there is in the majority of the single-mother homes.

Whether you want to believe it or not, a positive male influence in the household, i.e. a father, is fundamental to maturation.

I don't know I'd go so far as to insist on a male influence, but a positive disciplinary influence is definitely key. My mum was good on discipline

The statistics are what they are. You're an exception to the rule which is a beautiful thing.

-Shawn

 

[Kommander]

Internet experts can be funny sometimes.

"It's because there's no father in the house."

"She doesn't discipline them enough."

"It's the moral degredation of society."

Or could it be that it's just because no one likes waking up in the morning?

Of all the issues I could see coming up with parenting, this one seems the most trivial and least worthy of all this overreaction.

Says the person with no experience rearing children

Amen.

-Shawn

Yes, and I'm sure you two are the world's most perfect parents and know everything while us childless people know nothing. Whether or not we have children ourselves, everyone has at one point or another been a child and has has seen their own parents fuck up from time to time. Everyone has insight into this matter, and the stance that people that aren't parents themselves should shut the fuck up because they don't know what they're talking about is, to say the least, myopic.

"Internet Experts" my ass, a lot of us are just parents or adults who had good parents who can identify what the problem is and how to solve it. WTF do you have to offer?

-Shawn

The solution is in there: "identify the problem." The thing is "lack of dicipline" isn't always the problem, and "more discipline" isn't always the best solution. Let's say the problem is because there's some perv that likes to wait at the bus stop, leer at them and be creepy. And the kids, being dumb like kids are, decide the best solution is to avoid going to school rather than telling someone about the creepy guy. Handing out spankings in the morning isn't going to make Captain Megan's Law go away.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Here's the suggestion: call the Truency officer on these brats.

Have their teachers write them up and stay at In Scholl Suspencion for a few months.

Remove all TV privilages and fast food. NO video games or computer use. No visiting friends.

 

[Colonel Green]

Here's the suggestion: call the Truency officer on these brats.

Have their teachers write them up and stay at In Scholl Suspencion for a few months.

Truancy Officer?

How exactly are you managing to post from 1948, if I may ask?

 

[Magisterfrodo]

Have you tried My Little Tazer?

Do they come in multiple colors? Pink would be best.

Yes, she doesn't follow through, that's really the problem.

I was thinking of buying her a canned air-horn and have her blow it once or twice to test it while the kids are around, then next time, threaten to use it (but don't, of course)!

Any more suggestions?

There are no other suggestions.

She has to say what she means and back it up. No asking five times, then yelling. Tell them once. They don't do it. Enforce the consequence. Period.
Sad thing is, she should have started this when they were two. She's going to have a huge battle on her hands now, and unless she gets a spine quick, she's going to lose it. They may be brats, but they are because of her.

 

[sidious618]

It's not all that uncommon judging by the ages. A lot of parents put up with it, always have and always will. In this case I have to say that there could be a couple of viable responses:

1- Sit the kids down and talk to them like equals. Explain the situation and that she would really appreciat it if they would get up on time and how the morning would be less miserable if they would get into a solid routine. I speak from experience when I say that a solid routine in the morning helps. If this doesn't work we go to step two...

2- "You don't want to get up? Okay but your X-box is gone for a week." And if they decide to take her up on that offer make sure she holds up her end of the bargain.

Not losing her cool is probably a good idea. It's tough but effective because it shows strength. Screaming and yelling will do nothing but a laying down of the law in a fair but strict fashion may help a lot. The key to remember is that discipline is important but also that the kids are not little dogs and that they cannot be treated as such. You may be familiar with kids who do get treated that way. They're the school bullys.

 

[suarezguy]

I don't "get" where these trend of coddling children w/o consequences came from??

Some people resented or just didn't like their own parents' approach and so wanted a friendlier approach (the amount of products that are marketed to children may give them a sense that it's all deserved). Given that this approach is now much-criticized, I wouldn't be surprised if it continues to go one way and then back in a cycle (if it hasn't already been that way, there have long been attempts at youngish upstarts-the Roaring 20s followed by GD and WWII sacrifice and anti-Communist fear followed by the counterculture and feminists of the 60s followed by the backlash against them, of course both sides feel and dislike that the other's winning).

 

[John Picard]

It's not all that uncommon judging by the ages. A lot of parents put up with it, always have and always will. In this case I have to say that there could be a couple of viable responses:

1- Sit the kids down and talk to them like equals. Explain the situation and that she would really appreciate it if they would get up on time and how the morning would be less miserable if they would get into a solid routine. I speak from experience when I say that a solid routine in the morning helps. If this doesn't work we go to step two...

2- "You don't want to get up? Okay but your X-box is gone for a week." And if they decide to take her up on that offer make sure she holds up her end of the bargain.

Not losing her cool is probably a good idea. It's tough but effective because it shows strength. Screaming and yelling will do nothing but a laying down of the law in a fair but strict fashion may help a lot. The key to remember is that discipline is important but also that the kids are not little dogs and that they cannot be treated as such. You may be familiar with kids who do get treated that way. They're the school bullys.

Parents who treat their kids like equals, or best pals, are the parents who haver zero control, zero respect, and are the ones with all of the problems with their children. You're either in charge or you're going to get run over.

 

[John Clark]

Truancy Officer?

How exactly are you managing to post from 1948, if I may ask?

Around here, some places seem to have brought them back. The police also seem to have the job of dealing with it sometimes, and if the kids are absent from school at lot, here the parents can get into trouble for it.

 

[P0sitr0nic]

When I was a kid, I was pretty bad about not wanting to get out of bed in the morning. My Mom figured out a sure-fire way to get me going that worked every...single...time.

She would just stand next to my bed and start singing "Good Morning To You" (sung to the tune of Happy Birthday To You)...

....very very badly.

The high notes were particularly disturbing.

To this day I'm an early riser.

That was my dilemma, but my mother sung Abba music. BADLY.

I get up at 4 am every morning now. I start work at 6, have to bus in, so Im glad i LEARNED to get up early when i was younger. But i was forced to learn it.

No child is gonna care about threats if there is no followthru.