What if Star Trek XI isn't the greatest film of all time?

[Samuel T. Cogley]

I've invested a lot of time in this film. There are a lot of times when I could have been passed out drunk on my couch after trying to watch HBO's "Rome", but instead I came here and vented my anger and frustration (which often had little to do with Star Trek XI, but I was none the wiser). This is quite a sacrifice.

So what if it turns out to be all for nothing? What if, after experiencing Star Trek XI on film, the heavens don't open up and the angels don't come down? What if that hot Brazilian model I met still acts indifferent to me? What if my appointment to the U.S Supreme Court gets delayed? (Again.)

I was thinking that things were rolling along fine with the "Under Construction" movie trailer, even though it likely featured footage that has nothing to do with the final film.

I was happy to hear that they pushed the movie back from this Christmas until next Summer because they were so confident that it could compete with the 'big boys'. (Although, how was I supposed to put my life on hold until then? I was barely able to keep it together until Christmas.)

And then the first batch of character-related movie posters came out and I got excited. They looked great! There was a passing resemblance to the 'classic' (read: dead or nearly-dead) TOS actors. Chicks started checking me out a little more than usual. I got that big promotion at work. I started drinking three scotch and sodas a night instead of ten.

But then the trouble started. Paramount decided not to put on a Star Trek panel at the Comic-Con. What the fuck was that all about? Every poster and banner in San Diego advertising the Comic-Con featured the Star Trek delta shield and TOS font. And yet no panel? (Anyone interested in a class action against the Comic-Con should PM me. We can win this one.) I wear a sombrero for five straight days at the Comic-Con, and Paramount can't show me so much as a photo-shopped cast photo? This was not a good sign.

Chicks started to snicker at me. I got fired from my job. I started drinking three to five bottles of Thunderbird (per day) in the 7-11 parking lot.

And then, today, insult to injury. I see the latest batch of cast-photo movie posters. It looks like they took some losers from whatever fan-made internet Star Trek is currently 'popular' and photo-shopped them into the movie posters. Who are these assholes supposed to be? The only one I could place with any confidence was Sulu, and that's only because I figured the Asian guy was probably supposed to be playing the Asian guy.

Even the men have stopped checking me out now. I was 'let go' from my volunteer position at church and turned down by the local blood bank. I have ingested massive amounts of Liquid Plummer (with a Testor's model glue chaser), and things are still not looking up.

So, what now?

I anxiously await the next publicity leak so I will know if my life is about to turn around. Right now, things are not looking so good.

How do I remind J.J. Abrams that he (and he alone) is responsible for my happiness and well-being? (I tried something similar with my ex-wife, and all she did was leave.) And if he fucks this up, that he will be directly responsible for all of the people who end up 'missing' because I have to take my anger out on someone. What does he expect me to do? Live my own life? Be responsible for my own happiness? Treat Star Trek XI like it is just another film? Unacceptable.

"Bail Out", starring David Hasselhoff and Linda Blair is just another film. But not Star Trek XI.

What say you guys?

Are you miserable, too?

I figure if a bunch of us are miserable, maybe we can start a petition or something. Or try to save 'Firefly' again. Something that makes us feel useful. Effective. Powerful.

Maybe I'm just depressed.

Maybe I just need to watch 'Wrath of Khan' again on DVD. Those were the salad days.

 

[darkshadow0001]

Can't we just wait and see instead of nitpicking at the film already? This is like the second thread on this topic before it comes out. If threads like this keep popping up, then there is going to be more negative attitudes towards the film then need be.

 

[Samuel T. Cogley]

Can't we just wait and see instead of nitpicking at the film already?

Absolutely not. My life hangs in the balance. Now.

How can you expect me to wait until May?

What am I supposed to do? Stop living until then?

I need some assurance -- NOW -- that this film will be good and that, by extension, my life will be worth living until then.

If threads like this keep popping up, then there is going to be more negative attitudes towards the film then need be.

Well, maybe J.J. Abrams should have thought of that before he decided to ruin all of our lives.

 

[Sheliak]

blah, blah, blah...

Sorry I don't have the patience to read your entire post.

Has Star Trek ever used different actors to portray major characters?

 

[number6]

If this movie isn't teh awesome I'm going to stamp my feet, and see the movie a bunch of times with a notebook so I can write down everything they got wrong and the go on the internets to express my displeasure.

And there better be some sombreros or I will throw my soda at the screen.

 

[ITL]

I feel your pain, Sam.

If this movie isn't The Greatest Thing Since Sliced Bread (And they were very good), I will put the blame for your inevitable self-destructive downward spiral squarely at J.J's feet.

Your battered, bruised and shamefully degraded corpse will be surely be featured on The Internets as a cautionary tale of action and consequence to film-makers everywhere.

Think about what you're doing, Hollywood. Don't you dare make stuff we don't like. When I send you my screenplay for a film about a great big space-alien-thingy that goes all FOOOM!! and blows up stuff and the people go AARRGGHH!! and stuff, do not dismiss me. It could be the end. And it would be your fault.

 

[Samuel T. Cogley]

blah, blah, blah...

Sorry I don't have the patience to read your entire post.

Thankfully, I do have the patience (or is it just lethargy caused by depression?) not to smack your smarmy face.

Has Star Trek ever used different actors to portray major characters?

That sounds like a fantastically tedious thread of its own. Maybe you should start that separately, just to see how fast it will sink off the main page.

 

[Samuel T. Cogley]

Think about what you're doing, Hollywood. Don't you dare make stuff we don't like. When I send you my screenplay for a film about a great big space-alien-thingy that goes all FOOOM!! and blows up stuff and the people go AARRGGHH!! and stuff, do not dismiss me. It could be the end. And it would be your fault.

Seriously!

Think about it.

They put up 100 - 150 million dollars.

I put up 10 dollars.

What gives them the right to think that their version of Star Trek is somehow more acceptable than mine?

Don't they realize how much I am at risk here?

That ten dollars will be gone forever if this thing bombs.

 

[darkshadow0001]

Can't we just wait and see instead of nitpicking at the film already?

Absolutely not. My life hangs in the balance. Now.

How can you expect me to wait until May?

What am I supposed to do? Stop living until then?

I need some assurance -- NOW -- that this film will be good and that, by extension, my life will be worth living until then.

If threads like this keep popping up, then there is going to be more negative attitudes towards the film then need be.

Well, maybe J.J. Abrams should have thought of that before he decided to ruin all of our lives.

I don't think Abrams ruined are lives. I'm gonna get a kick in the butt for this, but I still say it's people ranting on the Internet about Star Trek is what killed Trek in the first place. I'll never forget all the negativity about Star Trek from the time of Nemesis and Enterprise were on the air. The problem with Nemesis is that it was the first film that was made to try and please the Internet fans and it failed because all people wanted to do was bash Star Trek at the time. Well, I'd better stop here while I'm ahead...

 

[ITL]

Think about what you're doing, Hollywood. Don't you dare make stuff we don't like. When I send you my screenplay for a film about a great big space-alien-thingy that goes all FOOOM!! and blows up stuff and the people go AARRGGHH!! and stuff, do not dismiss me. It could be the end. And it would be your fault.

Seriously!

Think about it.

They put up 100 - 150 million dollars.

I put up 10 dollars.

What gives them the right to think that their version of Star Trek is somehow more acceptable than mine?

Don't they realize how much I am at risk here?

That ten dollars will be gone forever if this thing bombs.

Tell it like it is!

That's ten dollars that could have been spent on booze and hookers and stuff - your sacrifice is immense! And do they care?

They. Do. Not.

Bastards.

 

[M'Sharak]

...massive amounts of Liquid Plummer...

Sam, I hate to be the one to point this out, but he's not even in this one. That was VI, not XI -- it's like another 'v' stuck on there, upside-down.

 

[Samuel T. Cogley]

Can't we just wait and see instead of nitpicking at the film already?

Absolutely not. My life hangs in the balance. Now.

How can you expect me to wait until May?

What am I supposed to do? Stop living until then?

I need some assurance -- NOW -- that this film will be good and that, by extension, my life will be worth living until then.

If threads like this keep popping up, then there is going to be more negative attitudes towards the film then need be.

Well, maybe J.J. Abrams should have thought of that before he decided to ruin all of our lives.

I don't think Abrams ruined are lives. I'm gonna get a kick in the butt for this, but I still say it's people ranting on the Internet about Star Trek is what killed Trek in the first place. I'll never forget all the negativity about Star Trek from the time of Nemesis and Enterprise were on the air. The problem with Nemesis is that it was the first film that was made to try and please the Internet fans and it failed because all people wanted to do was bash Star Trek at the time. Well, I'd better stop here while I'm ahead...

Well, first of all, let me say that you are indeed ahead. Far, far ahead.

And sometimes, when I'm alone at night and I don't have any pants on, I wonder if all my bitching about how shitty Star Trek had become did indeed cause "Enterprise" to spring forth from the ether, as a direct result of my bitching.

I often checked the credits at the end of "Enterprise", hoping to find someone to blame for my bitching, and all it ever said was:

"Star Trek: Enterprise" was written, directed, produced, acted, and gaffed by Samuel T. Cogley's bitching on the internet.

And for a minute there, I felt pretty guilty. But then, after a Google search, I realized that several other guys on other message boards use that same handle, and then I thought, "Thanks a lot, you little fuckers. If you would have just shut the fuck up, 'Enterprise' would have never existed." And then I blamed them for bringing psychic negativity to my good name. Fuck them.

So, in short, I'm with you, darkshadow0001. In fact, I think your shadow just got a little bit lighter.

 

[ITL]

That's tragically beautiful, man.

*sniff*

 

[Sheliak]

I don't think Abrams ruined are lives. I'm gonna get a kick in the butt for this, but I still say it's people ranting on the Internet about Star Trek is what killed Trek in the first place. I'll never forget all the negativity about Star Trek from the time of Nemesis and Enterprise were on the air. The problem with Nemesis is that it was the first film that was made to try and please the Internet fans and it failed because all people wanted to do was bash Star Trek at the time. Well, I'd better stop here while I'm ahead...

Nemesis was supposed to be the first movie to do the Romulans justice, seeing as how the Klingon fans were sucking up all the oxygen. The first thing the idiot producers do is assassinate the Senate.

 

[Samuel T. Cogley]

...massive amounts of Liquid Plummer...

Sam, I hate to be the one to point this out, but he's not even in this one. That was VI, not XI -- it's like another 'v' stuck on there, upside-down.

Thanks for reminding me.

This only brings me back to the script they should have used. The one where Klingon Chang comes back from the future as a Terminator made of a mimetic, liquid metal, to prevent Young (interesting) Spock from growing up to be Old (boring) Spock, thereby preventing Old Spock from stumbling blandly and unnecessarily through one of the more mediocre episodes of The Next Generation (starring Christopher 'Liquid' Plumber, of course).

Listen to the fans, Abrams.

 

[Samuel T. Cogley]

I don't think Abrams ruined are lives. I'm gonna get a kick in the butt for this, but I still say it's people ranting on the Internet about Star Trek is what killed Trek in the first place. I'll never forget all the negativity about Star Trek from the time of Nemesis and Enterprise were on the air. The problem with Nemesis is that it was the first film that was made to try and please the Internet fans and it failed because all people wanted to do was bash Star Trek at the time. Well, I'd better stop here while I'm ahead...

Nemesis was supposed to be the first movie to do the Romulans justice, seeing as how the Klingon fans were sucking up all the oxygen. The first thing the idiot producers do is assassinate the Senate.

I remember, at the time, a lot of the professional critics who, while praising the inclusion of Romulans (which was, apparently, something that mainstream viewers who knew little about Star Trek had been clamoring for), stated almost unanimously that the assasination of the Romulan Senate was directly (and exclusively) responsible for making the movie shitty.

 

[Sheliak]

And trying to substitute newbies for the the original TOS characters is exactly why Star Trek XI will flop. Shatner is going to get his wish.

 

[darkshadow0001]

I don't think Abrams ruined are lives. I'm gonna get a kick in the butt for this, but I still say it's people ranting on the Internet about Star Trek is what killed Trek in the first place. I'll never forget all the negativity about Star Trek from the time of Nemesis and Enterprise were on the air. The problem with Nemesis is that it was the first film that was made to try and please the Internet fans and it failed because all people wanted to do was bash Star Trek at the time. Well, I'd better stop here while I'm ahead...

Nemesis was supposed to be the first movie to do the Romulans justice, seeing as how the Klingon fans were sucking up all the oxygen. The first thing the idiot producers do is assassinate the Senate.

I remember, at the time, a lot of the professional critics who, while praising the inclusion of Romulans (which was, apparently, something that mainstream viewers who knew little about Star Trek had been clamoring for), stated almost unanimously that the assasination of the Romulan Senate was directly (and exclusively) responsible for making the movie shitty.

I think I remember this. It isn't the best film yes, but Romulans were never a "big" part of the movies anyway, but to say that Nemesis were supposed to be more about the Romulans then Remans, and ended up not be, is, well, weird. But not shitty. The film has its moments. But give it a rest already-- if we keep bashing every Trek that comes out, pretty soon it'll be nothing but Star Wars and won't be anymore Trek left. Let's pick up our pieces and just hope for the best.

 

[Samuel T. Cogley]

Nemesis was supposed to be the first movie to do the Romulans justice, seeing as how the Klingon fans were sucking up all the oxygen. The first thing the idiot producers do is assassinate the Senate.

I remember, at the time, a lot of the professional critics who, while praising the inclusion of Romulans (which was, apparently, something that mainstream viewers who knew little about Star Trek had been clamoring for), stated almost unanimously that the assasination of the Romulan Senate was directly (and exclusively) responsible for making the movie shitty.

I think I remember this.

Of course you do.

Why would I ever make up something that is so obviously true?

 

[Samuel T. Cogley]

And trying to substitute newbies for the the original TOS characters is exactly why Star Trek XI will flop. Shatner is going to get his wish.

Agreed.

Sometimes I wish William Shatner had never made what was so obviously a joke about wanting Star Trek XI to fail.

Right up until that moment, the movie had a chance. But as soon as that comment hit the internet, it was universally obvious that Abrams and Co. had given up and were just going through the motions to finish the film.

Sad, really.

Who knew that taking things out of context, combined with the internet, could be so powerful?

Lesson learned.