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TOS Caption Contest #96 - Bent Over

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As a practical joke, McCoy gave Dehner a firecracker in the shape of a dildo. Happy fucking 4th of July, indeed!
 
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Kirk: You've got troubles? This morning Outpost4 was judging this contest and almost had it done when his computer crashed. All gone. Start over. How would you like your computer to crash, Chris? Chris? Oh, Chris...
 
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Kirk: "Do the firecrackers hurt your ears?"
Pike: "Beep."
Kirk: "Your lack of patriotism sickens me. <wrinkles nose, leaves>
 
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Shatner: "C'mon, Nichelle, you can do this: remember your audition with Gene ..."


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Kirk, whispering: "One day, I plan on using this ship to take over some pissant backwoods planet, killing my crew, and setting myself up as Supreme Leader."

Pike: "Beep-beep."

Kirk, winking: "Now, now, don't tell anybody ... <laughs, walks away>"

Pike: "Beep-beep. Beep-beep. Beep-beep. Beep-beep. Beep-beep. Beep-beep. Beep-beep. Beep-beep. Beep-beep. Beep-beep. Beep-beep. Beep-beep. Beep-beep. Beep-beep ..."
 
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"Does that left silver knob up there work?

Someone told me I can twist it and get a Top 40 station."
 
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Something had been different about this transport. They weren't sure
what, exactly, but something had definitely been different, and Kirk was
thinking he really ought to have a few words with Scotty about it.

If he could find him, that is.
 
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KIRK:"I hear you can hold up to 100,000 songs. That's just plain awesome."
 
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I'm tired of Pong. Let's play Missile Command. You got a ball thingy?

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Scotty: Captain, don't you think we should wait for more crewmen to audition before we start choreography for the Flapper Follies?
 
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Singers over the speakers: Throw out your hands
Stick out your tush
Hands on your hips, give 'em a push
You'll be surprised
You're doing the French mistake.
Voila!
 
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Kirk: "Will you help Outpost4 change the contest over to a new one?"
Pike: "Beep."
Kirk: "Okay, what can you do?"
Pike: "..."
Kirk: "Well?"
Pike: "Beep-beep."
 
Shatmandu said:
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Kirk: "Will you help Outpost4 change the contest over to a new one?"
Pike: "Beep."
Kirk: "Okay, what can you do?"
Pike: "..."
Kirk: "Well?"
Pike: "Beep-beep."
Click to expand...

Kirk: "What's that? Outpost4 won't change the contest because he likes repeatedly seeing men bending over?"
Pike: "Beep."
 
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Kirk: "I read the report: did your balls really burn off in the fire?"
Pike: "..."
Kirk: "Did they pop, like little balloons?"
Pike, eyes flitting to Kirk's: "..."
Pike: "I bet they did. Man, I'll bet that fuckin' hurt! <grabs own crotch> It's making my own nuts hurt just thinking about it, dude! You're killing me! <walks off>"
Pike, with hint of glare: "Beep."

Then later ...

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Kirk: "I heard this thing runs off your own waste."
Pike, after long, humiliated pause: "Beep."
Kirk: "Man. What kind of mileage you get?"
Pike stares at him.
Kirk: "Does it go up based on what food you eat? Like if you eat Mexican, you get better mileage?"
Pike, after another long, humiliated pause: "Beep-beep."
Kirk: "Aw, it'd be cool if it did. I'd eat burritos all day and then head to Orlando ..."
Pike, head rocking back and forth as violently as he can: "Beep-beep. Beep-beep. Beep-beep. Beep-beep. Beep-beep. Beep-beep. Beep-beep. Beep-beep. Beep-beep. Beep-beep. Beep-beep. Beep-beep. Beep-beep. Beep-beep ..."
Kirk, squinting and walking away: "Jeez ..."
 
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