TOS Caption Contest #93 - Up To No Good

[Mallory]

Kirk: Spock! Stop monkeying around, we have work to do here!

 

[Triskelion]

Kirk: Vulcan crotch rot. No known cure.

Doctor, these new standard issue maxi pads are not winning over any of the female crew.

Did you at least try it, Nurse?

Yes.

Ok, give it here.

 

[TigerOfDarkness]

Chapel: It's all here doctor - how you botched Spock's Vulcan circumcision and bifurcated his penis and how you paid off the Surgeon General, avoiding a malpractice suit.

McCoy: Your point?

Chapel: I get 50 credits a month or Dr. M'Benga sees the file.

McCoy: What? I'm only giving Spock 20!

 

[Gil T.Azell]

[

Chapel: Your Wallet sir, it was beamed back from Risa this morning, the Risian police say the Orion Escort had it on her whe they arrested her.

 

[Rat Boy]

Landing party (singing): "And the cats in the cradle and the silver spoon,
Little Boy Blue and The Man In The Moon.
When ya comin home Dad?
I dont know when, well get together then, son,
ya know well have a good time then."

Spock: "Will you please shut up?"

 

[Outpost4]

Harry Chapin's heirs are going to sue you, Rat Boy, for defamation, but to me, you're a hero.

Now if some way you could kick Dan Fogelberg's corpse in the balls, too, I'd call you a god.

 

[Nerys Myk]

[

CHAPEL: Really Doctor. Is a portfolio of all the female crewmembers naked ethical?

MCCOY: You're just mad because I only put two stars next to your name.

 

[Vassa]

Here Doctor, don't forget your communicator.
Great! More junk I have to carry. You'd think they could make those things smaller.

 

[Nerys Myk]

CHAPEL: Don't forget your lunch.

MCCOY: Better not be multi-colored cubes again!

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Kirk: "Yo Spock, how's it hangin'?"

 

[S'kai]

Majel:"The customer at table 8 says you overcharged him for the drinks, and that the soup was cold."

Kelly: <thinking>"Damn, I'll be glad when they close this place and I can move out of Las Vegas."

 

[Outpost4]

Spock: This tree just spocked to me, Jim! Hahaha...
Kirk: LDS?
Sulu: And the brown stuff, sir.

 

[Shatmandu]

The "Pon Farr" mating ritual has lesser known variants, such as "Maple Farr," "Three Teenage Girls Farr," and "Goat Farr."

 

[Outpost4]

Chapel: This new delta insignia is made out of lead. Do you really expect me to wear it?
McCoy: Yes, and directly over your left nipple.

 

[Shatmandu]

Something about the way McCoy is standing ...

Chapel: "Sorry about the other night ..."
McCoy: "S'okay: you've just got to file down any hangnails before you ram it up there ..."
Chapel: "I said I was sorry!"

 

[Rat Boy]

Spock: "Sulu, tell them if they don't do as you wish, you'll become angry and use your magic."

Sulu: "But Mister Spock, what magic?"

 

[cooleddie74]

"Here...I found this in my bed after we went back in time and I slept with that 20th century traffic bike cop."

SPOCK:"Is the spider gone?!"

 

[Shatmandu]

Chapel: "Here, put this in your purse. Bitch."

 

[cooleddie74]

"Here's the check for the dinner.

The Captain insists you pay the tip this time."

 

[The Cutest of Borg]

Leila: "I don't know what happened! One minute we were rubbing our fingers together, the next he was screaming 'Pon Farr, Pon Farr!' and humping the tree."