TOS Caption Contest #82 - Mod's Choice

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "Mister Mallory, patrol our permieter."
<Mallory hesitates, rubs brow. Finally, he bursts into tears and runs off, sobbing "Goodbye! I love you all! Remember me!!!" over and over.>

Noel: "But I ate an entire bag of those Olestra potato chips this afternoon ..."
Kirk: "'Sauce for the goose,' Helen."



And that, officially, is the worst thing I've ever written in my entire life.

Joe, horrific

 

[Triskelion]

"I really hope this isn't one of those crazy alien exploding rocks....oh well, here goes! Hey, it seems to be quite stable. I'll just put more weight on it. There, so far so good. Now just to make sure I'll jump a little harder on it. I mean, who ever heard of an exploding rock anyway? I don't know why that thought just came to me. But it seems to be quite a normal, garden variety rock of indeterminate compounds. Oh I see the problem. I wore a gold shirt today.

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: No, Mallory -- 'the blonde' was not one of the choices...Once more: pick either 'lightning' or 'explosive rock'.

Mallory: "What about the brunette?"

Kirk and Spock: "No!"

Dr. Tristan Adams: "Oh, crap, I had the neural neutralizer set to 'LDS.' Hope she doesn't have any permanent brain damage."

 

[Shatmandu]

Ernie: "Wait until you feel mine: you thought Jim Henson had a cold hand ..."

 

[Rat Boy]

Warning: Overuse of the ship's transporters may result in severe metabolic changes.

 

[Outpost4]

Ernie: I call it Mr. GulpALotOfUs.

 

[Shatmandu]

Ernie: "I'm gonna put my 'Big Bird' in your 'Oscar the Grouch', baby ..."

 

[Rat Boy]

Dr. Noel uses Muppets to reenact her evening with Captain Kirk.

 

[Triskelion]

Spock: But the captain needs me to scout ahead.
Kirk: Nonsense, Spock, take a break.
Spock: I prefer to scout ahead, Captain. Ensign Mallory, you stay here and postulate.

 

[Triskelion]

More cowbell!

 

[Shatmandu]

Ensign: "Hey baby, why don't you go get me some grits and gravy while I pilot this here rocket ship, huh?"
Director: "Cut, cut ... Jeez ... Just say what's on the paper, please, Elvis."
Elvis: "Aw, c'mon: I'm interpolatin', y'see here?"

 

[Triskelion]

Damn these treacherous alien planets!

 

[cooleddie74]

"If you think the Christmas Party was amazing, wait until you see what I do in my quarters for Hannukah!"

 

[cooleddie74]

"My tricorder shows unusually high trace amounts of mid-20th century plastic and green spray paint. Unusual for such a planet."

 

[Swarles Barkley]

Colt: Elvis, are you thirsty?
Elvis (singing): Tra-an-ya...that cool refreshing drink...
Kirk: Lt. Presley, warp 6!
Elvis (singing): We're gonna warp this space...

 

[cooleddie74]

"Damn.

I try to never cross a scary energy barrier at the edge of the galaxy unless I've had a peanut butter-and-banana sandwich first!"

 

[cooleddie74]

MALLORY:"No signs of any natives, sir. Unless they're outside of tricorder scanning range.

But I did find a beached wooden sailing ship with a gaping hole in it, a thin humanoid in a red shirt and a white hat and two voluptuous women."

 

[Michael]

Elvis (whispering): No, not now, baby.

 

[Outpost4]

Kirk: Navigator, have you plotted a course out of the galaxy?
Elvis: Rip It Up. It's Now Or Never.
Kirk: Can you find a smoother course?
Elvis: All Shook Up.
Kirk: Navigator, please speak in full sentences.
Elvis: Don't Be Cruel.
Kirk: A Little Less Conversation.

 

[cooleddie74]

YEOMAN(*Thinking*):"Is...is that...

WOW.

The Colonel was right!"