50th Anniversary Viewing
The Six Million Dollar Man
"Look Alike"
Originally aired February 23, 1975
Edited IMDb said:
Down-on-his-luck boxer Johnny Dine has had plastic surgery to make him Steve Austin's double. He then infiltrates the OSI building when the real Austin is on a fishing holiday. After finding out the truth, Steve decides to turn the tables on Dine's superiors by posing as the boxer.
Steve goes to a favorite backwoods lake spot to rent a fishing boat from an old acquaintance named Carruthers (Arthur Space), now the local sheriff. While the fish aren't biting, Steve surprises Carruthers by bringing back several, which he caught by targeting them with his eye and catching them with his price-tagged hand (and yes, they even used the sound effect for that). Meanwhile, back in Washington, Oscar is surprised when Steve, who's supposed to be on vacation and claims he's nursing a cold to explain having an indistinguishable voice, drops by the office and asks about seeing the Project Omega file. Oscar, master of ironclad security that he is, leaves Steve unattended to put top secret files back in the vault for him. Fake Steve snaps pictures of the files on hand with a mini-camera, then rummages through the vault cabinet to find the ones for Omega.
Fake Steve spends the night going through the vault's contents like a kid in a candy store, then makes excuses to Oscar when he's caught leaving the next morning and getting into an unfamiliar car. As Fake Steve puts his stash of film rolls into the glove compartment, he accidentally cuts his right forearm real good. He proceeds to make a rendezvous with a contact named Breezy (Robert DoQui), who assures him that the real Austin won't be returning home early. Back at the lake, a couple of fake fishermen approach Steve, one of them goes after him with an oar, and both end up in the freshwater drink, to be hauled off to Carruthers's jail. Back in Washington, Oscar meets Fake Steve to show him Project Omega, a facility hidden behind an abandoned storefront that's researching "la-ser" technology. Fake Steve snaps photos of the place with a concealed jacket button camera. At OSI, Oscar's secretary, Ms. Johnson (Susan Keller), is surprised to see Steve again, indicating that he'd just left a half-hour ago, and giving him the address he was sent to. Steve arrives as Oscar and Fake Steve are exiting the storefront, and Oscar has a bit of deja vu as the two Steves meet face-to-face. Fake Steve runs for his car and is fatally run over by a backlot driver.
The imposter is identified as unsuccessful boxer John Dine, and an uncredited doctor named Tom whom I recognize as one of the Mark VII regulars points out signs of plastic surgery. After admitting to a security blunder that ought to have Jerry asking for his resignation, Oscar reveals the camera and a matchbook for the club that Dine's been hanging out at. Motivated to find the camera's film from the safe raid, Steve goes there to pose as Dine posing as him, meets Dine's known girlfriend, waitress Molly Franklin (Mary Rings), and gets some casual-conversation intel about Dine's trainer and gym. Tipped off by the bartender, Breezy comes in to tell Double-Fake Steve off for continuing to socialize with his acquaintances while posing as Austin; and is eager to get his hands on the Omega Project film, which Steve pretends to try to deal for. Afterward Breezy calls a shady character named LaSalle (Robert Salvio) whom he's reporting to about how to deal with "Dine".
Breezy and the hoods at the lake all having been identified as also being boxers, Steve next hits Dine's gym to meet trainer Ed Jasper (future potential anger-maker Jack Colvin), who isn't in on the scheme but is familiar with Breezy's shady connections. Breezy takes Steve to a lumber yard for a supposed meeting with "the man" that's actually an ambush, screeching away so he doesn't see Steve bionically deal with the pair of positioned riflemen. Back at the gym, a half-shirted Steve has a sparring match with Breezy to persuade him to take Steve to his boss, while Marcus Grayson (yes,
that Special Guest Star George Foreman, still with hair) watches. Steve's bionic right and fancy footwork give him advantages over Breezy that Dine never had, but in the aftermath, Breezy notices that Steve's arm isn't cut. Grayson reports to somebody via phone and tails Breezy taking Steve to a boxing ring to meet with LaSalle.
LaSalle wants to negotiate with "Dine," but Breezy exposes him as the real Steve Austin. Steve grabs a box containing the developed safe film and tries to make a break for it, but is intercepted by an armed elder security guard. Steve gets the drop on him, but finds himself being closed in on from all exits by LaSalle's men, so he gets in the ring and takes on all comers. Outside, Marcus is trying to get in the locked gym when his boss arrives--Oscar, who turns out to have at least two good agents. Marcus subsequently finds a back door to bust down and unjackets to help, though Steve seems to have the situation well in hand and Marcus takes a bionic right when Steve mistakes him for one of LaSalle's guys. Once that's settled, the two of them team up against the goons, who are taken into custody by OSI and uniformed backup. After Oscar introduces Steve and Marcus, they exchange double hand slaps.
In the coda, Marcus wants to know what Steve's right hand is made of and makes the obligatory remark about getting him into boxing; while Oscar teases Steve about possibly being an imposter.
Steve: Well, I got an idea. Every time I come into the office, you can kick me in the shins...and if I yell, it's not me.
M*A*S*H
"Big Mac"
Originally aired February 25, 1975
Wiki said:
The 4077th is turned upside down by an announced visit from General Douglas MacArthur.
Note: MacArthur did visit Korea but in September 1950
Radar takes Blake away from a surgery in progress for a call about MacArthur's impending visit. Afterward, Henry's wheels spin about what the publicity could mean for his career back home. When the general's aide, Col. Whiteman (Graham Jarvis), arrives to arrange the very precise details, the first personnel he sees is Klinger in typical attire while on sentry duty. The guys and Houlihan are receptive to the idea of giving the general a chance to watch them in action; and while Frank is obviously more hesitant, he steps up to volunteer for the surgery.
Hawkeye: Then it's agreed. We'll do a hysterectomy on Major Burns.
Blake and Radar subsequently attempt to crack down on regulations; and Henry approaches Capt. Calvin Spalding (Loudon Wainwright III making his third and last appearance in the role) about coming up with a song for MacArthur, but the folksy results aren't what the colonel had in mind.
Well it's not Corregidor,
You know, it's only Korea.
It's a lousy little war,
But we'd still love to see ya.
And I'm sure we can scrounge up a beach,
And you can splash in and give us a speech.
With your corncob pipe
And your five gold stars.
Radar scurries to prepare the general's tent.
The guys intervene when they find Frank about to burn a stack of books he's collected that he doesn't think the general should see, including Plato, Mailer, and
Robinson Crusoe.
Blake tries to get Klinger to either get in uniform or take leave in Tokyo, but the corporal sees this as his big chance to get his Section 8. When Burns and Houlihan go to put flowers in the general's very well-decorated and -furnished tent, Margaret gets hot and bothered about MacArthur and ends up making out with Frank on the bed while fantasizing that he's the general.
The camp assembles for a dress rehearsal for which Hawkeye stays in his robe and Radar stands in for MacArthur.
After Blake clumsily practices his speech, the PA announces that the general's arriving early, forcing the personnel to receive him as they are. As the general (uncredited Robert Courtleigh) drives through the camp to the accompaniment of "The Stars and Stripes Forever"--apparently just passing through without stopping--he salutes Klinger dressed as the Statue of Liberty on the way out.
The coda features Spalding performing a snippet of another song as the disappointed personnel disperse.
Hawaii Five-O
"Hit Gun for Sale"
Originally aired February 25, 1975
Paramount+ said:
McGarrett must prevent a mob war by tracking down an unknown hitman and his intended target.
A heart attack victim who's rushed to the hospital off a flight into Honolulu only to die turns out to be Chicago hitman Harvey Benson, with a case containing an unassembled sniper rifle waiting in his airport locker. Knowing that a replacement will be sent, Five-O take an interest in learning who hired him and why. Fearing a potential gang war brewing, Steve and Danno lean on a couple of top-suspect underworld rivals, Benny Furtado (Jerry Waialae; no apparent relation to Ron Feinberg's character in 1971's "No Bottles...No Cans...No People," who operated a junk incinerator crane) and Yoki Honomura (Seth Sakai). Then a syndicate bigwig named Louie Cordell (Nehemiah Persoff) arrives from the mainland, accompanied by his nephew Eddie (speaking of Plato, Sal Mineo), Joey Shay (Tommy Sands), and Pete Bonner (Tony Martini), to be met by his loving daughter Nina (Darcy Cook). Surveillance indicates that Furtado and Honomura each think the hitman was hired by the other; but Honomura flaunts that he's aware of McGarrett's bug, making it possible that either is putting on an act.
Frank tails Eddie and Joey into a porno theater and uses a night vision scope to witness a meeting with Furtado's man Wanaka (Rudolfo Aquino). While Frank can't hear, we learn that they're conspirators who plan to rub out both Furtado and Uncle Louie...Eddie planning a hostile takeover to circumvent his uncle's intention to retire without handing down the business. McGarrett pays Louie a visit to sound him out about his possible role in the situation, and he insists that he's only visiting his daughter; but afterward questions Eddie if he's involved. Frank witnesses Eddie making a pay phone call to L.A., and suspecting a power grab, Five-O tries to run down who might be on the other end. Chin's tailing Furtado when the latter's car blows up real good without even hitting a bump.
Suspecting an inside job, McGarrett questions Wanaka about his meeting with Eddie Cordell. Steve subsequently gets a rundown of hitmen on the move from a contact in Washington and takes an interest in one who recently arrived in L.A., Willie Norvic (Les Freed)--described as being young but skilled, having trained by serving in 'Nam, and whom we see arriving in the islands. Louie announces his intention to call a meeting with Honomura and Wanaka to assure them that the Cordells had nothing to do with the hit on Furtado. Following this, Norvic gets a call, rifles up, and heads out.
Che determines that the brand of dynamite used was sold to a construction company majority-owned by Honomura; while Chin locates Norvic's vacated hotel room. Given all who are involved, Steve narrows down the intended target to being Louie Cordell, who's on his way to the meeting. Steve calls Nina to try to find him, and plainclothes Duke pulls over Bonner driving Cordell's limo to find that he's a red herring. HPD spots Norvic heading into a park carrying a case; where the Cordell party, Nina having identified the car they were using, are seen entering a natatorium. Identifying a building overlooking the complex as the perfect spot for a sniper, Steve and Danno head up to the roof, but are unable to stop Norvic from getting off his shot before they both plug him--somehow sending him obligatorily diving off the roof even though he was lying in a prone sniper position. But it turns out that the target on the ground was not Louie, but Eddie...Joey having tipped off the boss. A personal picture of Eddie found in Norvic's case implicates Louie.
McGarrett: Book him, Danno. Murder one.
Does Sal Mineo ever not get shot in the end?
Emergency!
"905-Wild"
Originally aired March 1, 1975
Season finale
Edited IMDb said:
The staff of the local Los Angeles County Animal Control department office assist Station 51 and Rampart Hospital on some animal-related emergencies.
This episode is another season-ending backdoor pilot. While there are signs that it was originally shot to be an episode of its own series, contrary to comments on IMDb, the involvement of the
Emergency! cast seems pretty well-integrated overall. It opens with Squad 51 responding to an early-morning call to an in-town market where Rosa Bernardi (Virginia Gregg) has found the manager, who was opening the place, lying on the floor cut up. Johnny goes into a curtain-entranced back room to find the door open and a tiger perched up on top of a fridge, working on a piece of meat. The paramedics uncharacteristically rush the victim out of the store on his feet and call it in. Cut to Animal Control officers Les Taylor (Albert Popwell) and Dave Gordon (Mark Harmon in only his second IMDb credit) on a ladder retrieving a litter of fourteen kittens from the attic window of elderly Mrs. Quincy (Ruth McDevitt), who thought she had a prowler, and complains to the AC officers and attending police officers as if it were all their fault. The AC officers then get called to the market.
In lieu of the usual Mark VII practice of including just the names of the stars of the would-be series in an extended opening credits sequence, we actually get the opening credits sequence of the would-be series spliced onto the end of the
Emergency! credits, sans a separate title card but with its own completely different theme music sans any attempt at a musical segue. The stars include David Huddleston as Barney "Doc" Coolidge; Popwell and Harmon; Gary Crosby (Where ya been?) as Supervisor Walt Marsh; and Rose Ann Zecker as Gal Friday Patty Burns. The AC officers drive a truck similar in configuration to the squad, but painted white with a back section that's apparently designed for holding animals and sports a beacon on top.
Also uncharacteristically, Squad 51 is leaving the scene as the AC officers arrive, a squad of policemen having come during the break, led by an officer who has a shotgun trained on the tiger (uncredited Lew Brown), who's now in the market's window. (While the shot of Squad 51 pulling away is awkwardly framed and abrupt, it does seem to blend seamlessly with the arrival of the AC officers.) Taylor butts heads with the police officer in attempting to assert authority over the situation. The two of them enter the market, Taylor armed with a tranq rifle, but are unable to get a clear shot as the Bengal prowls about the store, and ultimately exits through an open skylight over the fridge it was perched on. (Continuity issue: Taylor has to turn off the market's music, which wasn't playing when the paramedics were in the store. The store is also more brightly lit, even though the sun is only just coming up at the end of this sequence. OTOH, the police officer specifically mentions the paramedics having found the tiger.) Gordon is already on the roof with Officer Garcia (Ned Romero), and they watch as the tiger bats at some pigeons. (There's a clumsily inserted comical reaction shot here of a neighbor witnessing the scene from a window.) Taylor comes up and gets a clear shot, putting a dart in the cat, who soon goes out. Gordon repositions the unconscious beast's tongue out from between its front teeth.
We rejoin at the would-be series HQ, Animal Shelter No. 2, Los Angeles County Department of Animal Control, where we meet the rest of the cast as Doc Coolidge, who's set up as being something of a misanthrope, examines the tiger, determining that it's underfed. A teenage girl named Sandy (Stephanie Steele) comes in for the cat, and they learn that she works for Emil Gower's Wild Animal Compound, which is notorious for having been cited several times for mistreatment of the variety of exotic beasts kept there. Coolidge gives her a little setting-straight about what the shelter does, introducing her to the variety of wild animals that they tend to in addition to catching dogs and cats; and explaining how the animals, which are native to the area, tend to routinely wander into the city. (An IMDb reviewer criticized Huddleston for not having the knack for delivering a Fridayesque lecture, but I liked that it took me a bit to realize that it was one.) Unit 6-0, as we learn they're called, takes Sandy back to the compound, where they open her eyes regarding how the pathetic-looking animals are neglected, the clincher being when they find a dead mountain lion or leopard cub.
On their way back, 6-0 come upon the scene of a ranch being evacuated because of a wildfire. Among the units there is Squad 51, who are tending to Ben Paddock (Burt Mustin) and his granddaughter (uncredited Lindy Huddleson) for smoke inhalation. 6-0 learns that the girl has a baby goat named William who needs rescuing. The AC officers walk into the fire area, while other animals are being led out and small, burning trees fall around them, noticing a number of wild critters who won't get help. They find William lying on the ground, still alive, and carry him out to an unconvincing reaction from the child actor. The paramedics apply oxygen and recommend getting William to a vet, but the officers explain that the nearest one is miles away; so the paramedics go to work, calling Rampart on the biophone. A disbelieving Brackett emphasizes that Rampart doesn't treat animals and tells them to get the goat to a vet, so the officers take the goat.
Fearing that they won't make it to the shelter in time, Taylor goes ahead and takes William to Rampart, which is closer. There Dix is watching a TV report about the Gower Compound being evacuated, and unknowingly shames Brackett in commenting on the type of person who'd leave defenseless animals to die. Nevertheless, when the officers arrive, Brackett still tries to turn them away, insisting that this isn't his field...but Dix carries in the goat for eye-to-eye contact and makes a dramatic declaration.
After Early backs her up with the silent glaring that ensues, Brackett goes into take-charge action, having the paramedics roll the base station table into the operating room (reportedly the only time this is done in the series) and raise the shelter. Coolidge, impressed to learn from Marsh of Brackett's reputation, offers consultation for preparing the goat for cardiovascular surgery. Brackett proceeds with the operation, assisted by Early and with Morton in attendance, but initially without outside guidance, until he hits a wall of frustration with finding the ductus among the goat's unfamiliar innards and consults with Coolidge again.
The Brackett: Eighty million bucks worth of hospital, $150,000 worth of talent, and we can't save one damn little goat.
Coolidge, fretting on his end over what the surgeons will do next, anticipates that they might inject a hypotensive agent that would kill the goat, and Brackett radios him to confirm just in time to be dramatically advised against it...Early having proactively held back from the injection after remembering some of his animal medicine. The surgery is then prompt and successful, with Coolidge and Brackett each expressing admiration for the other to their colleagues afterward, while declining the idea of arranging a meeting. The surgeons, paramedics, and an uncredited firefighter who came in to treat his injured hand (John Nolan) all look in wonder at the quickly conscious goat.
In the shelter coda, Taylor is petting the now-conscious tiger, promising Sandy that it'll find a good home at a reputed animal park while Gower will be put away. Dix drops in to give the Paddock girl (not exactly the next Jodie Foster here) a belled collar for William; and it turns out that Brackett and Early have accompanied Dix, and are engaged in comparing professional notes with Coolidge. The episode ends with Gordon leading in what I think is a yak that was found wandering astray, which Sandy recognizes as "Shaggy".
For what might be the only time in the regular series, the Station 51 crew don't occupy their usual spot in the end credits. (They probably aren't in the post-series TV movies, either, which are packaged for syndication as episodes of the series.)
This episode took a beating in the IMDb reviews, and while I can see why the pilot didn't make it to series, it was a more entertaining watch than the
Adam-12 backdoor pilot for the show about the DA's fraud office.
It occurred to me after the fact that if the AC series had been meant to have a half-hour format, then the entire goat surgery plot, which prominently featured the entire main-credits cast of
Emergency!, may have been shot and inserted after the fact to fill it out into an hour. If the intro with Roy and Johnny at the market was also added, then maybe the brief flash of Squad 51 leaving the scene was meant to be a tease, which was no longer the case with the paramedics being in so much of the episode.
Best Trek guest ever, but I know you're not impressed.
How's that?
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