How do you deal with political differences with family and friends?

[Lord Garth]

My mother, when she was alive was a Republican, my father's a Republican (even though he broke with his party and voted for Hillary in 2016), and I have some friends and some extended family members that lean Republican and will defend Trump.

So I grew up in a Republican family, registered as a Republican in 1997... but voted Libertarian for President in 2000 (which is something I would NEVER do now). After that I changed my registration to "Unenrolled" (that's Independent in Massachusetts) and unofficially became a Democrat in 2003. To this day, I'm "Unenrolled" technically but I virtually always vote Democrat.

After the 2004 Election my father asked me who I voted for (he didn't ask in 2000 and I never said), I tensed up, told the truth, and said "Kerry". Yeah, there was an awkward tension for a few moments after that, since he obviously voted for Bush (so, yes, Middle Eastern Republicans exist).

Of course political differences in the early-2000s are nothing compared to what they are now. So, back to the present.

Among my friends and extended family who lean more toward the Right, they and I have made a mutual agreement to just not get into talking about politics. It will not be an enjoyable experience if we do.

Ideally we should be to get into political discussions without it getting heated but that's just not the reality of the situation and I'm not absolving myself from sharing the blame at all. I can admit this.

How do you deal with political differences within the family? Do you argue about it, debate it, or just not talk about it?

 

[StarCruiser]

Not always easy...

I'm also a "Republican" (who didn't vote for Chump) and most of the family have been for some time save my father's parents.

His mother was a (both gone for many years now) dyed in the wool FDR Democrat.

My mother made the comment once, "You'd vote for the Devil, so long as he's a Democrat!". Had some serious silence that night.

 

[Lord Garth]

Parts of my family had a get-together on Christmas Eve. Trump never came up. No one ever mentioned him. It was actually a pretty amazing accomplishment.

If he were brought up, or someone even said his name, that would've been the discussion for the entire rest of the night.

 

[T'Bonz]

We have a mixed family when it comes to politics. There are some political discussions that can be held and that can stay civil. If that is the case, I'll get involved. If not, no thanks. I think though pretty much most of my family will avoid discussion on politics these days unless all in attendance are on "their side." That goes for both Rs and Ds. No one really wants to fight. Plus the older ones in my family don't look kindly upon wet-behind-the-ears kids questioning their intelligence; that's a good way to have a gathering go south quickly and the kids realize that.

Life is too short to fight about politicians who don't give a shit about us. Family is more important. Besides, you don't like a President, in either 4 or 8 years, he/she is gone.

Online of course with non-family (and even some family) is different. Very, very rarely can a civil discussion be held unless the participants are all like-minded. I'd say 99% of the time it's never worth getting into the discussion.

I miss the days when people could debate without name-calling. No amount of rationalization for the name-calling makes it right to me.

I suppose it's good that we all care. One thing everyone has in common is that we want what is best for America.

 

[Refuge]

With family you just bend to the oldest out of respect. They can pontificate endlessly about how awful this politician is without even a consideration you might disagree. They are your elders and you owe them their 'wisdom' and your respect. Frankly it sucks sometimes but that is life.

To be honest I hold political views that are not popular so am accustomed to being disliked because of them. It has made me somewhat desensitised to personal insult but at the same time defensive about my own humanity. I try to keep my ethics above politics and if family or friends want me to listen or read something that is important to them I will. I don't mind being challenged or made to think. Mostly though it is best with family and friends not to lose sight that they are people I care about and not involving one self in an argument or even losing one is the better way to go.

 

[MacLeod]

Easiest way is not to discuss politcs at all. I know where some of my friends stand on the political spectrum. But then again the UK isn't perhaps as polarised as the US when it comes to politics as our two many parties are often labelled centre-right (conservatives) and centre-left (Labour) so there is at least some areas on which people agree on to some extent. Of course both US main parties would be labelled as being on the right from a UK point of view.

 

[Pondwater]

I don’t.

When it comes to discussion, I just been walking away from it. And if they obnoxiously shove it in my face, I just don’t deal with them anymore.

 

[DonIago]

I come from a family and friends network that's almost entirely somewhere on the liberal spectrum. By which I mean I'm not sure I have any regular contact with conservatives at this point (well, my manager leans Republican, but she's not a Trump fan). Shortly before last November a right-leaning "friend" I thought I could have civil disagreements with on Facebook escalated things, but before I could fully consider how to respond he de-Friended me, so that situation solved itself.

That said, even within my liberal social network there are degrees of liberalness. Let's just say I also live in VT and leave it at that.

When I host any mid-to-large size social gathering in which a political discussion is a possibility, I typically put out a "politics jar". People are welcome to talk about politics; they're also welcome to contribute to the jar.

 

[cosmic mouse]

Most of my friends and family share my general political/global views, but my best friend of 35 years is pretty much the polar opposite of me. We generally just avoid conversing about politics and, since we have known each other for so long, we usually respect each other's differences. There are reasons why we have been friends this long (she is like the sister I never had) but our political views are not one of them, ha ha.

 

[ichab]

Most of my family share the same political views. Different story with my friends network but we don't make our differences personal and are able to respect each other's viewpoint. I don't hang around people who are so sensitive that they can't handle a different point of view.

 

[Lord Garth]

That said, even within my liberal social network there are degrees of liberalness. Let's just say I also live in VT and leave it at that.

Ah, yes. Most of my hardcore Bernie Supporter friends either refused to vote or voted for Jill Stein. I was torn between voting for Hillary and voting for Bernie for the longest time during the primaries. I voted for Bernie in the primaries because I agreed with him a little more, then my friends thought I crossed over, they acted as if "You've seen the light and become One Of Us!"

Then I voted Hillary in the general election. And, they were like "How could you?!" Well, I did. On the other end, with the Trump Supporters or the people who didn't outright say they were for Trump but still defended him at every turn, they said to me, "You voted for HER?!" Then I got into a long, long, long, loooooong debate with someone (who's since unfriended me) about Hillary, why I voted for her, and it kept going on and on and on -- partially because he kept moving the goal posts of the argument and I called him out on it -- and he wouldn't let it go.

After that point, that was the moment where I thought to myself, "That's it. I'm done. I'm not arguing with anyone to the right of me or to the left of me anymore."

Now, I try to shift discussion toward whatever we might have in common, if I'm stuck talking about politics with people I disagree with or who disagree with me.

 

[DonIago]

Last year I was definitely in one too many conversations among my friends where Bernie was a Saint and Hillary was The Devil. I'm not even sure what that would make Trump... I just couldn't bring myself to get involved at all, and the most annoying parts were a) that everyone seemed to assume I shared their views, and b) that I knew if I did get involved the only thing that might change was the dynamics of our social network.

I voted for Hillary, even though I'm pragmatic enough to figure the odds of my particular vote (or Vermont in general) making much of a difference are...small. I definitely thought she had her flaws, but I wouldn't have had a clear conscience if I thought I'd done anything (including voting for anyone else) to help Trump get into office. Granted at the time I figured things would turn out okay even if I didn't vote...

Back during Dubya's first election, I was friends with a married couple living in Florida. They told me they hadn't voted because they didn't care all that much, and I was so angry I told them I would have rather heard they voted for Dubya than heard they hadn't voted at all.

I'd still rather hear that someone voted than not voted, but I have to admit with how things turned out last year, I'm struggling with that a bit.

That said, I have little respect for anyone who doesn't vote at all, only to complain about the outcome.

 

[Gul Sengosts]

I pretty much stopped. What I regret most is that political discussion has generally become so polarised. Acknowledging the existence of problems angers one side, trying to find reasonable solutions while keeping up respect and civility is shouted down by the other. Really frustrating.

I used to have reasonable political discussions with my father until a few years ago, but after the refugee crisis here in Germany that went to hell. I completely stopped discussing politics with him, probably similar to how he once completely stopped discussing with his father, who was clinging to some old nazi beliefs. That was a problem for my father's entire generation, now family history repeats itself. He's used to it from the past, so he doesn't seem to have a problem just keeping quiet about it, as I do too now. The upside is that this way we can still talk with each other normally about other things and share a lot of things. My uncle (who I already had a bad opinion of after forcing his backwards no-washing earth closet lifestyle on his step- and own children) went to those far-right Pegida rallies, which cemented that he's dead to me. There is a line where I end all contact.

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

I find with the oldest family members a lot of us just say "oh well, at his/her age.." as a way of dealing with the near endless ranting, assumptions of agreement, commentary full of right wing, racist, ignorant blatherings.

The thing is though for some of these old people they were always like this. But it's easy to act like it's their age.

 

[Lord Garth]

With family you just bend to the oldest out of respect. They can pontificate endlessly about how awful this politician is without even a consideration you might disagree. They are your elders and you owe them their 'wisdom' and your respect. Frankly it sucks sometimes but that is life.

This is generally what I did with my father and my friends who are conservative when it came to Romney, McCain, and to a lesser extent Bush. Even though they knew where I stood.

Thankfully my father and I agree about Trump, so I didn't have to roll with anything this time.

 

[Smellincoffee]

I think arguing about DC politics accomplishes as much as arguing about what Coach should have done during the football game, so I don't bother. I know perhaps two people who I can discuss politics with, because our politics intersect and diverge just enough to make for interesting conversations.

 

[Jayson1]

My family is not very political. Most of the views are basically along the lines of, Democrats are for poor people and Republicans are for rich people. My dad is the only one who is a Republican and he is a rich person so I guess that fits into that concept. It's been that way since my grandparents were alive because they were also Democrats.

Jason

 

[suarezguy]

My parents are more liberal than I am but I'm not hard-right or a conservative partisan. We occasionally discuss/debate political issues (and sometimes admit the other has a point) but avoid making it too personal; it helps to not emphasize or maybe even admit you disagree so much you would even vote for the other candidate. Getting some of the same news from the same relatively-impartial sources is also likely to tone down how much you would disagree (as is conservatives and liberals admitting when they're displeased with the Republican and Democratic parties).

 

[Armus]

People will either accept you for who you are or they won't. If friends and family can agree to disagree, then political differences can be sidestepped with agreed upon boundaries. Ultimately you do have to let people know where you stand if you want to have a meaningful relationship. Confessing your vote for a candidate and explaining your reasons is one thing, arguing with someone because you think you can change their opinion is another.

 

[Lookingglassman]

Luckily all my family and friends hate tRump and the GOP so I have no problems.