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Customers...

Every one of my customers hires me to solve some communications problem for them. Advertisements that don't generate a return. Websites that don't convert prospects. Brands that nobody knows. Etc...

My usual process is to have a "Discovery" meeting that lasts for at least one full day, generate a report confirming that I understand their challenges, and making strategic recommendations. The clients all sign off on this report, agreeing that we're all on the same page about the past and what needs to happen in the future.

And then every single tactic I create they tell me is being done wrong. Because they're the experts, didn't you know? The logo needs to be bigger, smaller, more to the left. The imagery is wrong. They're not getting their money's worth because I haven't filled every millimeter of white space with text. Every tiny detail about every one of their products/services needs to be in each and every piece, regardless of size. And so on...

I used to try explaining their folly, but I've learned since that clients don't care. They're more interested in being right and playing at art direction than in solving their problems. Every time I explain, they get pissed off, more and more each time.

So, the of the year comes and we review the progress. The website is FUBAR. Every ad tanked. Collateral is useless campfire kindling that gets them nowhere and nothing. We identify the same problems, agree on the same solutions, and then they sign a new agreement and we start over again.
"We've met the enemy, and he is us."
 
So, the end of the year comes and we review the progress. The website is FUBAR. Every ad tanked. Collateral is useless campfire kindling that gets them nowhere and nothing. We identify the same problems, agree on the same solutions, and then they sign a new agreement and we start over again.
I don't know, but this sounds like excellent news for your company's bottom line. A repeat customer.
 
I don't know, but this sounds like excellent news for your company's bottom line. A repeat customer.

It's not bad news at all from a financial perspective... But it's kind of a mind bender. They have problems, they hire me to solve them, they prevent me from solving anything, and then hire me again. As much as I studied, as much as I've read over the years, learned from markets big and small, I don't think I'll ever understand this mentality.
 
I don't know, but this sounds like excellent news for your company's bottom line. A repeat customer.
Could go the other way too. "We keep hiring this guy to fix things, but it never works! Maybe we should try someone else."
 
Could go the other way too. "We keep hiring this guy to fix things, but it never works! Maybe we should try someone else."

I actually approach every year-end report fearing exactly that. But it happens with surprising rarity. I think deep down, the clients understand that they're the skate on the stairs.
 
I manage a hotel, and you wouldn't believe some of the shit that happens.

Dear hotel guest:

We have video cameras at the entrances and in the hallways. Attempting to smuggle your dog into the hotel, after signing an agreement saying you will not have any animals in the building (we ARE pet-friendly, you just need to sign a document acknowledging the policy and pay a $20 / night fee plus a refundable cleaning deposit, and we have rooms specifically designated as pet-friendly), does not work. It's kind of hard to hide your German Shepherd from my watchful eyes (and other guests' ears). You are not nearly as smart as you think you are. Enjoy your bill when you wake up in the morning.

Love,
Timby
 
I manage a hotel, and you wouldn't believe some of the shit that happens.

Dear hotel guest:

We have video cameras at the entrances and in the hallways. Attempting to smuggle your dog into the hotel, after signing an agreement saying you will not have any animals in the building (we ARE pet-friendly, you just need to sign a document acknowledging the policy and pay a $20 / night fee plus a refundable cleaning deposit, and we have rooms specifically designated as pet-friendly), does not work. It's kind of hard to hide your German Shepherd from my watchful eyes (and other guests' ears). You are not nearly as smart as you think you are. Enjoy your bill when you wake up in the morning.

Love,
Timby

How much extra is it for a goldfish or a tarantula?
 
Every one of my customers hires me to solve some communications problem for them. Advertisements that don't generate a return. Websites that don't convert prospects. Brands that nobody knows. Etc...

My usual process is to have a "Discovery" meeting that lasts for at least one full day, generate a report confirming that I understand their challenges, and making strategic recommendations. The clients all sign off on this report, agreeing that we're all on the same page about the past and what needs to happen in the future.

And then every single tactic I create they tell me is being done wrong. Because they're the experts, didn't you know? The logo needs to be bigger, smaller, more to the left. The imagery is wrong. They're not getting their money's worth because I haven't filled every millimeter of white space with text. Every tiny detail about every one of their products/services needs to be in each and every piece, regardless of size. And so on...

I used to try explaining their folly, but I've learned since that clients don't care. They're more interested in being right and playing at art direction than in solving their problems. Every time I explain, they get pissed off, more and more each time.

So, the end of the year comes and we review the progress. The website is FUBAR. Every ad tanked. Collateral is useless campfire kindling that gets them nowhere and nothing. We identify the same problems, agree on the same solutions, and then they sign a new agreement and we start over again.

With Adverts isn't sometimes less is more. Doesn't the wall of text put some people off instantly (we even see it onhere to a degree when someone doesn't use paragraphs)

But what would I know as a consumer?

Just remember the "real" golden rules of retail

1.>The customer is rarely right
2.>If the customer is ever right, re-read rule 1. ;)
 
It works the other way too. I got a couple calls from several Starbucks in the area for interviews. The problem is they all left a message saying "*name* from Starbucks". They never say which Starbucks they were calling from. Austin is full of Starbucks...

In fact, I called back for one of the interviews. They said they were Starbucks. I said where. Their response was "Here at Starbucks"

"Which one?'

Really, do I really have to ask which location, as if it hadn't occurred to them that there are more than a few in the area. In fact, there are three Starbucks right off the street I'm on, alone.
 
With Adverts isn't sometimes less is more. Doesn't the wall of text put some people off instantly (we even see it onhere to a degree when someone doesn't use paragraphs)

But what would I know as a consumer?

Just remember the "real" golden rules of retail

1.>The customer is rarely right
2.>If the customer is ever right, re-read rule 1. ;)

One has merit to remain a cool customer.
 
In fact, I called back for one of the interviews. They said they were Starbucks. I said where. Their response was "Here at Starbucks"

"Which one?'

They are calling from Starbucks. How can you not know what Starbucks is? Are you living in a cave or something? :lol:

You'd be lucky if they actually told you which Starbucks. Don't remember the actual brand/model/component, but I have gotten questions like:
“The OpenGL on my ThinkPad doesn't work!”
“Which ThinkPad is that?” (would ask what ‘doesn't work’ means later)
“ThinkPad. It's a laptop. You claim to be an expert, but don't know what a ThinkPad is?”

That happened personally and off-work, since I don't work with clients (putting me with clients would be a crime against humanity), but it also happens to co-workers who do. From time to time it will even happen with something that's actually cryptic and we haven't heard of. They come asking after being berated from clients for not knowing something, and it turns out nobody in the whole company has heard about it either.

We just love to assume people know what we are talking about, don't we? I've had something like this happen:

“Let's meet at [X], at the monument.”
“You're ridiculous, how can you not know the monument at [X].”
“There are three.” (turned out the person was talking about neither of the three)
“The monument at [X], there's one, don't be ridiculous”

I go there, go to a five-foot tall monument right next to one of the eight entrances to [X], and the person naturally doesn't show up. I call, deliberately pretending to be mad that they aren't “at the monument”, so that they don't do it first. Turns out they were waiting somewhere inside [X] (a big place with restricted/paid access), near some tiny figure the size of a human hand that was... the monument.
 
^That reminds me about when I first moved back to the DC area ten years ago, after being away for several years. Not long after I moved to the Maryland Suburbs, I agreed to pick up some folks I knew in college at Union Station. They told me to meet them at the university shuttle stop. So I naturally parked where it was during my undergrad days and waited...and waited until a security guy told me not to wait there. I kept texting them asking them where they were. They said they were at the shuttle stop.

Yeah, they moved the shuttle stop during the time I lived in Cincinnati. How am I supposed to know?

:lol:

Now...I've been away from the DC area even longer...a bit. I'm sure there would be shockers. I don't really know anyone still in the DC area anymore aside from those who work at the university and a several friends in Maryland. I was generally kept in the loop about ongoings there when I lived in Cincinnati. Not this time around.
 
From a customer's point of view, I had a rather interesting encounter last weekend. Anyone love aggressive door-to-door salesmen? So, we'd been with Bell( one of the major conglomerates in Canada) previously for our home phone and we quit using them years ago because they were too expensive. We've had no intention on using them again. Last weekend, we had a knock on the door and I go to see who it is, and it's two men from Bell trying to sell their services. Right off the bat, they launch into their spiel and assume I'm the home-owner and bill-payer. I tell them no, I'm not, and they ask when they'd be back so that they can talk to them. At that point, I tell them right off the bat that I know there's no interest. They're insistent that they talk to the home-owner and again I tell them there'd be no interest. One of them told me not to be aggressive, that they were only doing their job. What, who's being aggressive guys? My Mom was actually doing some yard-work at the time and came up to see what the problem was and then they turn to her with the same spiel. At that point I was getting frustrated and I had had enough and I repeated my assertion that there was no interest and it was only after I raised my voice and told them to go away that they did shuffle off with disbelief. Yeah, I know they were only doing their job, but take a hint, guys! I felt bad for raising my voice, but sometimes it's good to know when to quit.
 
^ You should never feel bad for raising your voice to aggressive door-too-door jackasses.

You should also never feel bad if you are inside your house, watch them (via the peephole) come up and ring the doorbell then walk away (them assuming you're not home), and then walk out on your porch to deliberately let them know you've been ignoring them. Trust me, this is very effective.
 
Even if they ignore the sign "NO SALESMEN, POLITICIANS OR RELIGIOUS CALLERS", I just slam the door without a word.
 
From a customer's point of view, I had a rather interesting encounter last weekend. Anyone love aggressive door-to-door salesmen? So, we'd been with Bell( one of the major conglomerates in Canada) previously for our home phone and we quit using them years ago because they were too expensive. We've had no intention on using them again. Last weekend, we had a knock on the door and I go to see who it is, and it's two men from Bell trying to sell their services. Right off the bat, they launch into their spiel and assume I'm the home-owner and bill-payer. I tell them no, I'm not, and they ask when they'd be back so that they can talk to them. At that point, I tell them right off the bat that I know there's no interest. They're insistent that they talk to the home-owner and again I tell them there'd be no interest. One of them told me not to be aggressive, that they were only doing their job. What, who's being aggressive guys? My Mom was actually doing some yard-work at the time and came up to see what the problem was and then they turn to her with the same spiel. At that point I was getting frustrated and I had had enough and I repeated my assertion that there was no interest and it was only after I raised my voice and told them to go away that they did shuffle off with disbelief. Yeah, I know they were only doing their job, but take a hint, guys! I felt bad for raising my voice, but sometimes it's good to know when to quit.
You're lucky that they took the hint after "go away." Some of them around here don't seem to understand even after hearing "if you don't get off my porch and out of my yard in the next 10 seconds, I am calling the police."

But that was years ago. I live in an apartment with decent security now, so the only solicitors I've had to deal with have been telemarketers, the CRA scam, and kids in this building pretending to canvass for their schools to get money. Funny how they get guilty looks on their faces when I ask them if they have the manager's permission to go door to door, because they know they can't lie and say 'yes.'

Any solicitations to change phone companies come in the form of flyers, which are promptly filed in the nearest recycling box.
 
Whatever happened to the Jehovah's witnesses? A few years ago we were up to our asses in them. Now, I can't remember the last time a couple of these bozos came to ring my doorbell.
 
Just relax and enjoy the peace and quiet.

One of them (former, he says; he used to be a door-knocker) is hanging around on another forum I belong to, and he has this idea that ringing people's doorbells at 8 am on Saturday morning to preach at them and peddle pamphlets is really quite harmless and he's disappointed to learn that some Canadians are not polite enough to just stand there and listen (or better yet, invite them into the home) instead of being angry at being disturbed at such a crazy hour of the day for such a stupid reason.
 
Whatever happened to the Jehovah's witnesses? A few years ago we were up to our asses in them. Now, I can't remember the last time a couple of these bozos came to ring my doorbell.

They still show up occasionally in my neighborhood, but not as often as before.
 
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