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Q episode titles that never were

Terok Nor

Terok Nor

Commodore
Commodore
I always enjoyed seeing the titles of episodes featuring Q.

Some missed opportunities

"FuckQ" - the sequel to DS9's "Q-Less" featuring another epic Sisko takedown of Q
"Qube" - the Borg attack the Q Continuum
"Q-Cumber" - the Q Continuum once again punish Q by turning him into a vegetable
"Qunt" - an episode in which Q annoys the Klingons for a change
"Sherlock Q" - Q turns detective. Guest starring Benedict Qumberbatch
 
Q-tips- Beverly struggles to reject Q's tip on curing an ferengi ear ailment
 
I have no ideas for actual plot lines, but how about “Q-Ball” and “Right on Q” for episode titles?
 
"Scissor-Paper-Q" - The Enterprise must stop a war between three aliens races of Rock, Paper and Scissors but Q has other plans.
"Q Says" - Jean Luc Picard and Benjamin Sisko are both targeted by Q and forced to play a deadly game of Simon Says or he'll blow up [INSERT LOCATION HERE]. PLOT TWIST: It's actually all an elaborate diversion by some guy [Okona?] to steal all the Gold Pressed Latinum in the Bank of Bolius!
"Blind Man's Q" - After Picard says something pompous about humanity's vision of the future, Q takes his eyes away. Picard spends the episode dealing with his disability in some heavy handed manner. Maybe he gets a VISOR at some point?
"IQ" - Q hangs out with Newton, Einstein, Data and Stephen Hawking and plays poker.
"I, Q". Q awakes in a world where he is actor John De Lancie on the TV show "Star Trek: The Next Generation" and hilarity ensues.
 
"Qluedo" - Q is apparently murdered and the crew must figure out who did it, with what weapon and where onboard.
"Seven of Q" - Seven of Nine and Q switch bodies.
"Deep Space Q" - DS9 starts filling up with various members of the Q Continuum.
"The Good, The Bad, The Q" - Q turns up in the middle of some very difficult negotiations, that could shape the future of a sector.
 
Q-Eatery. Picard must eat the fast food cuisine of 40 different species in 30 minutes to save humanity from being "in contempt of court".
 
Q07, a story for DS9 but also obviously adaptable for TNG. Doctor Bashir's another recreation of a classic spy story, this time he is James Bond. Kira and Dax are Bond's girls, O'Brien is Felix Leitner, Sisko is M, Gul Dukat is Ernst Stavro Blofeld (he is bald and constantly pets a persian cat), Garak and Odo are Blofeld's henchmen and Q is Q.
 
- Q-Dunnit: Crew has to find out if Q is responsible for a crisis, or if Q was, or Q

- You and Me and a Dog Named Q: Q turns the crew into latter-20th Century American pop musicians

- Q-Chee Q-Chee Coo: Flashback episode to when Q first met his new-born son

- Go Ahead, Q Me!: Picard turns the tables on Q, and sues him in Federation civil court

- Q-Ball : Q takes over Chez Sandrines, acting quite the poolhall hooligan, and Paris has to play him a high-stakes game of nine-ball to win back control of the holoprogram

- Q-Mulus: The Enterprise finds itself enshrouded by a mysterious white puffy cloud

- Q-kaburra: The crew discovers the entire population of the planet Ohweek 3 has been turned into loud birds, has Q been up to his old tricks?
 
I can actually envision some of these as actual episodes.

A few of them might actually be good.

My favorite so far:
"I, Q". Q awakes in a world where he is actor John De Lancie on the TV show "Star Trek: The Next Generation" and hilarity ensues.

Orac said:
^ That title was already used for an episode.

How about.. Thank Q - Q celebrates the American holiday Thanksgiving with the crew of the Enterprise.
Click to expand...

And the crew's synthetic meatloaf could be replaced with real turkeys.
 
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Magnum QI. - Guest starring Tom Selleck. Q gets irritated by Data taking his Sherlock Holmes schtick off the holodeck. Finally losing the rag, Q sends Data back to 1980s Hawaii to show him how a REAL detective operates. Data (posing as Sherlock Holmes greatgrandson from "South America") and Magnum then solve some quintessentially 1980s puzzle. In tribute to his new pal Magnum, Data, from here on in, sports a full-blown Magnum PI moustache which he refuses to remove even when Picard threatens him with a "court martial". .

Q-becue - Riker does one of his cookery blitzes for the crew but he poisons the senior staff (by accident). Q then intervenes and whisks a downbeat Riker on a tour of the galaxy teaching him about the different ways of cooking. But they have a bust up over some philosophical question or other and Q mischievously leaves Riker in the hands of some space faring types that like to eat human beings for dinner. Just as the aliens fire up their matter/anti-matter barbecue to cook the inaugural Riker Supreme, Riker caves in on the dispute and calls for Q to get him out of this tricky little fix. After a long five minutes of "will I?, won't I?" from Q......Q just shrugs his shoulders and leaves him there thus claiming TNG's first big named casualty since Tasha Yar.
.
Q-ue Ball -- Romulans and Enterprise have a stand-off. Q intervenes and turns the bridge crew of both ships into pool balls on a pool table. The captain of each ship then has to sink the balls and whichever captain pots the black ball gets their crew saved.
 
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"Q-tie, Mark" - TNG/MLP crossover featuring a bet between Q and Discord that, of course, involves pitting the heroes of the two series against each other. But of course, they end up working together to foil the two powerful beings - and Worf learns the true meaning of friendship. Special guest, Perceptor from the G1 Transformers cartoon, for no real good reason.

"Q-Bert" - Q puts Sisko and crew into a video game with very limited options and seemingly inevitable death as the only way out, in order to make kind of a nasty point to ridicule Sisko about how the Prophets have railroaded his whole life. Not to be helpful or anything, but as revenge for Sisko punching him. An apparently dearly beloved member of the DS9 crew that we've never seen before sacrifices himself to save the rest - at which point Q reveals that he created that crewperson retroactively as a baby specifically to live and then die here.
 
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