TNG Caption This! #430: Let's see what's out there...

Most. Wasteful. Paper towel dispensers. Ever.




Data: Farpoint Station.

Riker: Farpoint Station.

Troi: Farpoint Station!

Zorn: It's only a model.

Worf: SSHH!!

 

Picard: Geordi isn't even aboard yet and women are already giving him the cold shoulder!





Data: I think I'd like to sit in the other chair.

Worf: Is this really the time?





Crusher: There's no way I can walk past fabric being sold by such a snazzy dresser!





Riker: Don't hide, we just want to introduce you to a decent hairdresser!




Picard: Everyone smile for the class photo! Zorn, you'll have to stand in for Beverly.

 

Will: "It's a rock. I can't wait to tell all my friends -- noen of them have rocks this big."

 

Data: I believe I can at least explain why there are no scissors, Commander.
Riker: Super helpful.




Worf: See that big ball of light?
Data: Which ball of light? Technically I see 647,000 stellar bodies of various magnitudes.
Worf: The one that doesn't result in removing a size fourteen Klingon pointed boot from your rectum.
Data: Ah.
Picard: I knew he was faking that encyclopedia shtick!

 

Data: "At this speed, Q is less than a micro-second behind us."

Picard: "Mr. Data, immediately dump the contents of both the liquid and the solid waste storage tanks."

Q (os): "Arrggggggggggggggg."

.

 

Data: Their species is made entirely of cocaine.

Picard: Deanna, go get some rolled up dollars.



Data: Who designed these chairs?

Worf: I know right. They're so uncomfortable.

Data: Oh and there's a big swirly fireball heading towards us too.



Crusher: Replicate it for free? Nah, I'll put it on my account.

Riker: No! If you put it on your account, fans will use that as evidence of the Federation having currency. It will cause internet arguments.

Crusher: Meh, fuck em.



Riker: This is the worst Sushi restaurant I've ever been to.



Q: And this is how female officers will dress in season five.

Troi: Oh thank God!

 

TROI: Mmmm! Goddamn, Captain! This is some serious gourmet shit! Usually, me and Data would be happy with some freeze-dried Bigelow's right, but he springs this serious GOURMET shit on us! What flavor is this?
PICARD: Knock it off, Deanna.
TROI: What?
PICARD: I don't need you to tell me how fucking good my Earl Grey is, okay? I'm the one who orders it from the replicator. I know how good it is. When Guinan programs the replictor she programs SHIT. I replicate the gourmet expensive stuff because when I drink it I want to taste it. But you know what's on my mind right now? It AIN'T the Earl Grey in my Ready Room, it's the frozen ensign on my bridge.
TROI: Oh, Captain, don't even worry about that...
PICARD: [interupting] No, no, no, no, let me ask you a question: When you came beaming in here, did you notice a sign out in front of my house that said "Frozen Ensign Storage?"
TROI: Captain, you know I haven't seen...
PICARD: [angry] Did you notice a sign out in front of my house that said "Frozen Ensign Storage"?
TROI: [pause] No. I didn't.
PICARD: [to Data] Did you?
DATA: I did not.
PICARD: You know WHY you didn't see that sign?
TROI: Why?
PICARD: 'Cause it ain't there, 'cause storing frozen ensigns ain't my fucking business, that's why!




RIKER: Man, we should'a had phaser rifles for this kind of deal.




RIKER: Now Beverly, we're not gonna do anything stupid, are we?
BEVERLY: You don't hurt him.
RIKER: Nobody's gonna hurt anybody. We're gonna be like three little Kirks here. And what's Kirk like? Come on Beverly what's Kirk like?
BEVERLY: Cool?
RIKER: What?
BEVERLY: He's cool.
RIKER: Correctamundo. And that's what we're gonna be. We're gonna be cool. Now Wesley, I'm gonna count to three and when I count three, you let go of your phaser and sit your ass down. But when you do it, you do it cool. Ready? One... two... three.
[Wesley sits down opposite Riker]
BEVERLY: All right, now you let him go.
RIKER: Beverly, I thought you said you were gonna be cool. Now when you yell at me it makes me nervous. And when I get nervous, I get scared. And when motherfuckers get scared, that's when motherfuckers accidentally get stunned.
BEVERLY: You just know, you touch him, you die.
RIKER: Well, that seems to be the situation. But I don't want that. And you don't want that. And Wesley here definitely doesn't want that.




DATA: You know what they put on french fries on Vulcan instead of ketchup?
WORF: What?
DATA: Plomeek soup.
WORF: Goddamn.
DATA: I've seen 'em do it, man. They fuckin' drown 'em in that shit.

 

Picard: I'm afraid the ice cream station will have to remain closed until we get this under control.


Data: Screensaver engaged, sir.


Riker: Hey, this kid says he's your son?
Dr. Crusher: Not while I'm busy shopping, he's not.

 

CRUSHER: Aaahh...aaaah....ahchoo!

RIKER: You idiot! The only thing that would have been worse is if your dog had peed on their trees!!!!

WES: That's just dogs, right?

 

Riker: You're the new doctor? What are you going to do with your son during your assignment?
Crusher: ...bring him with me.
Riker: Kids? On a military starship? That'll be the day.


Picard: After the bubble! After the bubble! Yay! *claps*
Worf, sotto: Is it just me, or are humans a little crazy about bubbles?
Data: They do behave most curiously.


Riker: Riker to Enterprise, we've found the Horta nursery.

 

DATA: You know, we can synthesize dilithium.

RIKER: Now, you tell me!

 

Data: Ask not for whom the bell tolls....
Picard: Bell? What bell? I don't hear any bell. We use beeps and boops. Maybe you should say "Ask not for whom the beep boops."
Troi: Forget all that, I need to file a report with Sickbay. Did she have on clean underwear?
Data: It boops for thee....<sotto voce> It boops for thee.

 

Worf (os): "This man requires medical attention."

Data: "I'll begin CPR."

Picard: "I'll call sick bay."

Troi: "I'll get his wallet."

.

 

Data: "Commander, it appears the Penisrock has already been taken by goddamn butt-fucking Communist Google AdSense. We're too late."

Riker: "Whoa -- Data!"

Data: "Yes, commander?"

Riker: "...you used a contraction."

 

Picard: We'll beam down to the alien planet as soon as these redshirts you got out of cold storage are defrosted.

 

Data: What planet are you from?
Groppler Zorn: What?
Data: What is not a planet I am familiar with. Do they speak English on What?
Zorn: What?
Data: English, Master-Groppler, can you speak it?
Zorn: Yes
Data: Then you understand what I am saying?
Zorn: Yes
Data: Now please describe what Jean-Luc Picard looks like.

 

Data: "Commander, in a situation like this, what shall we do?"

Riker: "Assume macho standing stance Riker One."

Data: "Yes Commander."

.

 

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